


To Love or To Loath

by Tor_88



Category: Oz (TV)
Genre: Anger, Arguing, Confusion, Desire, Emotional Manipulation, Emotions, Forgive Me, Forgiveness, Internal Conflict, Love, Love/Hate, Lust, M/M, Reconciliation, Relationship(s), Revenge, Self-Doubt, Sexual Tension, Trust Issues, Unresolved Emotional Tension, influences
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-12
Updated: 2016-03-23
Packaged: 2018-03-30 04:28:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 42,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3922891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tor_88/pseuds/Tor_88
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chris Keller returns to Em City, hoping to prove to Beecher that he truly loves him.<br/>Things don't seem to go as smoothly as Keller originally hopes.<br/>How does Beecher react?<br/>Will he win his Toby ?<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Return

**Author's Note:**

> Oz and its characters is the property of Tom Fontana and HBO.  
> I am purely writing for enjoyment and love of the programme. I make no money from the use of these characters or series.

The heavy drag of the gates flooded protective custody; it sounded like the screech of nails on a chalk board. The sound didn’t bother Keller, after being stuck in there on his own for a few weeks anything was better than silence. Although, he wasn’t going to let an impromptu visitor disrupt his routine.

As Warden Glynn strode up to Keller’s cell; he was greeted by the sight of Keller lying on his bunk, thighs spread apart, skin mag in one hand with the other fondling his swelling cock, hidden in his trousers.

Glynn was uncomfortable with this image; he hadn’t seen a guy blatantly jerk off in front of him before. If Keller hadn’t given them vital information about Vern Schillinger and Metzger, Glynn wouldn’t have given into his demands.

‘Keller.....’

He pretended not to see Glynn; he had clocked his awkward position and continued with his extracurricular activity, with more enthusiasm.

‘Keller....’ he raised his voice a little, he was growing impatient

This time Keller took notice, he was suddenly not in the mood. ‘Asshole,’ he muttered under his breath, ‘can’t a guy jerk off in peace.’

‘You wanted to see me?’

‘I want back in Em City.’ He said coldly.

‘There’s a reason you here Keller, we won’t put you back only for you to end up dead.’

‘If I`m stuck in here, then I`m gunna die of boredom.’

‘I don't know Keller, considering what went down.’

Warden Glynn glared at him; he was in no mood deal with the cocky son of a bitch on the other side of the bars.

‘Oh warden, I think we both know, I can take care of myself.’ Keller responded, almost flirtatiously.

Keller met his glare with a defiant stare. He wasn’t going to let this pen pusher stop him from carrying out his plan. He only went into solitary because McManus was scared for his life; Keller just thought a couple of weeks in solitary would give him a break. No work, meals given to you and you get whatever you want; within reason.

‘Fine take your chances, personally I don’t give a crap. Guard take him back to Em City.’

*********************************************************************

‘Home sweet home’ Keller scoffed; as he confidently strode through the gates and surveyed his surroundings.

The usual drone engulfed Em city; the Latinos and Italians plotting as their minions were stationed on lookout, cash strapped addicts looking for ways to score their next hit, Said deep in prayer, the Homeboys and some of the others slumped in front of the TV waiting for Miss Sally’s Schoolyard to come on.

‘Who let your sorry ass out?’ O’Reily bellowed from the balcony. He casually but quickly hustled down the stairs to greet Keller back to Em city.

Keller released a casual smirk, ‘having too much fun without me O’Riley?’

‘Good to see you Keller.’

A short bro hug seemed to re-establish their alliance. O’Reily had the sense not to be seen getting too close, but having Keller as an ally was much more beneficial than an enemy.

‘Yer...’ Out came that trademark devilish smile. Keller hesitated, took a quick glance of his surroundings before asking, ‘O’Reily... is he here?’

‘Beecher? Yer he’s here.’ Ryan smirked and asked in a hushed tone, ‘why what you planning? Another body cast?’

‘Fuck you.’

‘That’s your job.....pal.’ O’Reily sneered as he strode away.

Keller went to pain staking efforts not to show anyone what’s really going on in his head; but all he could think of was seeing HIS Toby. He was sure his heart slightly jumped; his little secret.

He clocked a couple of Aryans eyeballing him, ‘the things I do for Beecher,’ he uttered to himself, he met their glares as he defiantly paraded across the landing to their pod.

Keller could only fantasise how this reunion will play out; after all it had been three long months. A lot had changed, Keller had changed; the one part of his plan that wasn’t supposed to happen - fall for Beecher hard and fast.

Swiftly he pulled the door open. There he was, just as he remembered him; Beecher in the flesh, deep in thought, his wiry face completely relaxed. He looked like the traumas of Oz were a world away. Keller paused to take in the sight; Christ how he’d missed the smell of him, his lean muscular body hidden under his shirt.

Tobias was sat on his bunk, engrossed in a book. He didn’t seem to notice that he wasn’t alone. Keller gazed at him once more... the real Tobias Beecher....the perfect moment.

‘Toby,’ Keller’s voice was soft but alluring.

Tobias hesitated for a moment but didn’t look up. He had hoped it was his mind playing a twisted trick. Keller moved closer,

‘Toby,’ he repeated sounding more seductive then before. He couldn’t be ignored now.

Tobias flinched, ‘no fucking way,’ he muttered under his breath.

‘Toby...’

Tobias sprang out of his bed, as best as he could, considering he was still recovering. It was this moment Keller saw the walking stick; suddenly his voice was full of remorse. He hadn’t foreseen that he would still be using it.

‘Oh Toby....’ He tried to reach across to Tobias’ shoulder, attempting to embrace him. But before he got within reaching distance, Tobias raised his cane and rigidly thrust it across Keller’s chest,

‘Aww, you missed me.’ Keller smirked

Keller went to run his fingers through Beecher’s hair, just like before. Tobias arched his body to the side, as Keller lightly gripped his neck.

‘Don’t’ he glared at Keller

Keller’s hand then rested on his shoulder, he gave it a gentle squeeze. Tobias momentarily looked where the arm was and slapped it out of the way.

Tobias saw that grin; he never could resist it, and lowered his weapon. Despite this sign of peace, Tobias’s face looked like he could destroy Keller where he stood.

‘Why are you here?’ Tobias eventually responded, to Keller’s intense stare.

‘I love you Toby, I thought I made it clear,’ their stare didn’t break.

‘You’re full of shit.’ Tobias said in an irritated tone

‘Oh Toby.... don’t you see.... Why won’t you believe me?’

Tobias looked at him in disbelief, ‘are you fucking kidding me? Keller do I need to say it again; I was in a FUCKING body cast.’ He grunted in disbelief,

‘What the fuck would make you think I could possibly forgive you? Don’t you realise how much you hurt me. I let my guard down, hell I bared my soul to you and you crushed me; what’s worse you enjoyed it.’

Keller continued to burn into him.

‘You utterly destroyed me. What makes you think I`d forgive you?’

‘I DID WHAT YOU ASKED! I rat on Schillinger and Metzger for us? Do you know what it cost me?’

Tobias looked at him intensely; it was taking a lot not to attack Keller.

‘How am I supposed to trust you? Put myself in that position again?

Keller could do nothing but look dumb founded. _Shit what have I done_?

He was beginning to feel the rage build; he knew that wouldn't get what he wanted. So he sat on his bunk and waited for Tobias to make his move. He owed him that much. However this didn’t last; any attention is better than no attention, and he knew just how to do it. Keller’s silver tongue was ready to work its magic. He waited until Beecher was settled back on his bunk.

‘You realise we’ve only kissed once.’ His voice drifted into a hypnotic tone, ‘in all these months...once.’ He looked up at the bunk above him. ‘All I could think about in, protective custody, was kissing you again He paused for dramatic effect, to ensure he had Tobias’s attention.  ‘It’s painful not to touch you...kiss you... feel you in my arms....’

Keller got out of his bunk and watched Tobias reaction, from the mirror. He could see that Tobias had gone back to the intensity of that moment, only being spoiled by the COs. Keller could see Tobias bite his lip slightly. Seeing that gave Keller all the evidence he needed that Tobias was still his, just not in the way he wants...yet.

As Keller made his way out of the pod, he could feel Tobias mindlessly gazing and fantasising about his body. Keller was sure he heard, ‘Christ I missed that.’

Keller shut the pod and headed towards the gym ensuring Beecher could see his pert muscles.  ‘Oh Toby, I knew you missed me.’

************************************************************

‘It wasn’t all hugs and kisses then?’ O’Reily asked as he slumped in the chair opposite.

Keller had been sat at the table for the past hour, pretending to watch the TV screens; when all the time he was watching Beecher. He was like a hunter stalking his prey, studying him, fantasising about him.

‘Fuck you,’ came a depressed response.

‘Cheer up, for fuck sake. You look worse than Beecher did when you were in the Hole...Happier times.’

‘Fuck you,’ came the repeated tone. Keller was in no mood to play games, and he knew he couldn’t react to anything O`Reily said or it was straight to the Hole. Not part of the plan.

‘At least he didn’t batter you to death with his cane,’ O`Reily barely managed to keep a straight face, ‘Beecher...ha ha... killing someone on purpose. Like that would ever happen.’

‘Piss off, O`Reily!’

‘I`m curious...’

Keller’s ears pricked up, ‘about what?’ He asked dubiously

‘How are you going to worm your way out of this.

‘We’re no strangers to the fucked up world of prison O`Reily, we know we gotta do what needs to be done.’

‘I think being in protective custody has made you soft Keller,’ O`Reily teased

‘Fuck you, I`m biding my time. It took long enough to get out of protective custody; I don’t want a repeat performance.’

Keller caught a glance of Beecher, ‘how long has he got to use that thing?’

‘The cane... why?’ O`Reily asked, ‘worried he’ll kill you in his sleep?’

‘It’s not me I`m thinking of.’ Keller stumbled on an idea.

O`Reily noticed the sinister gleam in his eye, ‘what do you have in mind?’

‘I haven’t worked it all out...yet’

‘Talk about an anti-climax,’

‘Let’s just say old Vern might be going on a little trip.’

O`Reily began to smile, ‘I hope that cocksucker gets what’s coming to him.’

‘For Beecher.....and Cyril?’

O`Reily’s smile faded as quickly as it had appeared, ‘don’t you dare speak of that. You know Cyril doesn’t understand what happened to him.’ Ryan hastily got up, ‘not a word Keller.’

‘Done,’ Keller answered.

 _None of us understand why Schillinger happened to us_ , Keller thought; as he resumed his Beecher stalking.


	2. The dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its lights out in Oz.  
> There is a lot of tension between Keller and Beecher,but neither can escape the pod at night.  
> Operation Toby 2.0 begins.

_The worst part about OZ is the deafening quiet that haunts the dark._

_The dark gives you time to think about what you’ve lost. Sister’s wedding... cousin’s funeral ... your kid’s birthday._

_Perhaps the worst penalty isn’t why you're here, but what happens afterwards. All too soon you’re forgotten, you may not be able to move 10 yards before you're greeted by bars, but the world keeps turning without you._

_Yer the dark does one thing.... it makes you think..._

**Prisoner #95H522**

************************************************************

‘Lights out,’ Lopresti’s voice echoed the vacant rec area.

One by one the lights went out, to be replaced by the dim glow of the observation deck light. Soon the habitual rattling of keys, pounding of shoes hitting floor and the intrusion of flashlights into the cells began.

Keller lay on his bunk listening for any hint of movement from Beecher. It would be hours before he could get to sleep. It was becoming increasingly difficult to share a pod with Toby and not to be able do anything about it. He could’ve passed the time with a skin mag, but he knew it wouldn’t help. Instead he lay there, with a hand resting on the back of his neck.

‘Toby?’

Keller could hear nothing but Tobias’s breathing.

‘Toby.... Beecher.... I can do this all night.... Asshole’

Still nothing, Keller felt frustrated.

Tobias wasn’t going to play his game. He knew what he was up to. It was so hard to ignore him, with his hypnotic and soothing voice. No matter how angry he was at Keller, God how he had missed him more; his laugh, his smirk, his body, damn that body. Beecher hated himself for this admittance.

Before OZ he had never contemplated looking at another man sexually let alone wanting to know what it would be like to fuck him. What was it about this man, within hours of his return to Em city all he could think about was Chris Keller naked.

‘Fuck,’ Tobias inadvertently cried. This got Keller’s attention.

‘Some of us are trying to sleep here,’ Keller mocked

‘Bullshit,’ Tobias finally relented.

‘What did you say...Beecher.’

‘Nothing, just leave me alone, ok!’ Tobias writhed in his bunk, as he tried to get comfortable

‘You keep telling yourself that and one day you might believe it.’ Keller teased

‘Fuck you Keller.’

‘Music to my ears,’ He flirtatiously responded

‘Why am I even wasting my time with you?’ Tobias asked, becoming increasingly irritated.

‘Because you love me,’ Keller purred

‘Believe me that’s the last thing I'm thinking right now.’ Beecher defensively barked.

‘Huh... you’ve thought about me...so you must feel something.’ Keller let this awkward pause fill the pod for a few minutes. As he sat there in the silence of the dark, he began to think about the last time he was forced to have a conversation like this, although last time it was with his wife.

Keller began, ‘you know Bonnie pulled this shit on me a couple of times. She would tell me she hated me for fucking some guy I met in some club; an unusual habit of mine. Bet you didn’t see that coming did you Beecher? What can I say I'm.....complicated.’

Keller shifted his position, this was the first time he said something truthful, he’d told Tobias all about his ex-wives and his cons but not about himself. He heard him twist and turn, as he picked up the story.

‘Two days after she kicks me out, I’d get a call saying she hates me for doing it.....again, but the place isn’t the same without me blah...blah...blah...could I come back and bring something home for dinner.’ Keller giggled a little, ‘the last bit always got me. So domestic’

‘Why are you telling me this?’ Tobias impatiently asked

‘I guess it’s a similar experience, we’re in Oz’s version of a house, you’re pissed at me and you don’t know what to do about it. Makes you wonder how individual we all really are? Huh!’

‘I preferred it when you weren’t here; at least I got some fucking peace.’ Tobias scowled into the dark, ‘I don’t know what you are getting out of this...No wait I do... GOD, I am so STUPID. You’re trying to make me feel sorry for you.’

‘You seriously think I want you to feel sorry for me,’ Keller said defensively. He didn’t like the prospect of being pitied. He pitied others for being weak; he was fighter not a victim.

‘I don’t know what to think, just, leave me alone.’ Tobias answered, confused.

Tobias finally settled in his bunk, on his side with his back towards the mirror. It was ironic to him that he felt safe enough, with Keller, not to sleep on his back or facing the mirror (for protection), but not safe enough to trust him or freely love him.

‘Never, ’Keller muttered under his breath.

As he lay on his bunk, thinking about his next move; He couldn’t help but think about all the shit he put Bonnie through and she still married him... twice.

‘Fuck you think she’d learnt from her mistake.’ Keller smirked in the dark ‘Oh yeah, we got divorced....twice. Fuck’

************************************************************

‘Kathy......no.... wait... what have I.......help......some....’

Tobias called out as he thrashed around in his bed. His nightmares about the crash had become less frequent but when they struck they engulfed Tobias’s brain; so much so that he couldn’t wake himself from it.

Keller could hear the very disturbing commotion coming from above him,

‘Fuck...Toby...haven’t you gotten past this yet.’ Keller dejectedly said. Before Operation Toby went down, he had diligently helped Tobias deal with his nightmares and thought he had gotten past them.

A few minutes later Tobias seemed to have calmed down; the sound of deep breathing replaced the tortured cries and groans. Keller sat up, tried to make his pillow more bearable to sleep on and lay back down.

‘Why am I always attracted to the fucked up ones.’ He wearily said.

************************************************************

Keller had been drifting in and out of sleep for the past hour. He was often disturbed by the hacks prying on their captives. In protective custody no one bothered you because you were alone and not going anywhere. Back in Em city it was one irritating noise after another. Keller’s eyes stung as the latest round of the hacks spotlight brushed past.

‘Mother fuckers,’ he sleepily called as he turned on his side; a futile attempt to get some sleep. He almost achieved the elusive; when he heard Beecher begin to thrash once more.

Keller let out a long groan, ‘damn it Beecher.’ He got up ready to wake and comfort his Toby, if Beecher would let him.

Tobias‘s thrashing intensified, inaudible moaning and groaning flooded the pod. Keller took a moment to watch the tortuous look on his face, there was a dark edge to him that enjoyed seeing his quarry’s anguish.

 _I`ve seen that look before_ , a thought flashed through his mind.

Then he saw Tobias’s arm and legs hit out as he struggled with his invisible attacker. His squealing and whimpering became more bone chilling. Until finally Keller heard,

 ‘No....NO....Chris.......ARGH....’

He stood back in horror, skimmed the cold metal sink and struggled to accept Tobias’s new nightmares involved him and all he could do was watch.

*********************************************************************

Some hours had passed since Keller witnessed the true extent of his part in Operation Toby and how it had affected his Toby. Although, Keller rarely succumbed to guilt; hearing the agonising cries and yelps penetrated something deep within in.

‘Toby, are you awake,’ Keller uttered as he crawled out of his bunk

‘Ah fuck,’ he let out a muffled cry as he hit his head on the bar, he was still getting used to a bunk again. He checked to see if he had disturbed Toby,

_...like a baby...at last._

Keller strode over to the mirror; he focused on his Toby the whole time. Something about Tobias had gotten under his skin.

‘Why couldn’t it have been like the others? It was so simple...meet them....fuck them....kill them then leave them. Oh Toby, Toby what am I gunna do with you?’

He turned to face the bunks he couldn’t help but watch Beecher asleep. He couldn’t understand what was going on in his head

‘You know Toby; it would be so easy to kill you right now. I could get that pillow and suffocate you. Believe me, I could think of nothing else in those first couple of weeks. I hated how much Vern had over me. After Lardner I owed him my life...twice. So I stuck it out; followed the usual script.’

He reimagined the look on Tobias’s face when he saw Mack causing trouble.

‘Get you to owe me, take you under my wing, and then destroy you.’

His mind betrayed him to the first time he saw Beecher’s lean torso during their wrestling session;

‘What I would do to have a hot and sweaty session now, to feel your body entwine with mine’

Keller felt a surge of pleasure course through him,

‘Maybe that’s my way back in Toby, just like before. I knew you loved me long before you admitted it. I could see it as you pinned me to the floor. If only you knew I used to let you. It was a turn on for me to be dominated for once, feeling your arm across my neck. Vern wanted Operation Toby to wrap up a lot sooner. Aryans are so impatient, don’t you think. Me, I like to savour the moment, enjoy it fully.’

Keller moved closer to Beecher and ever so gently brushed his fingers through his hair. He stood there and watched a soft smile form on Tobias’s face. Keller knew he wouldn’t get the same response if Toby was awake. He would probably get another cane in the chest; without the fun afterwards. Keller took one more look at his Toby, knowing he had a long way to go before he had his trust again.

He lay back on his bunk, his hand slowly tracing down his body, until it gripped around his throbbing member,

‘Until then, Toby, I’ll just use my imagination,’ he whispered as a wave of pleasure encased him.


	3. Master of manipulation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Manipulating a nun to get your own way.  
> Is there nothing Chris Keller won't do?

Sister Pete expected the day to be like any other in Oz. Get her morning coffee before the riveting morning meeting. Quick discussion with Father Mukada about what could be done about Alvarez; poor boy was in solitary again. Then off to her office, greeted by a bust Beecher, already working on the latest data collection before moving on to typing the latest reports. Any other prisoner would be kept under closer guard, but she knew that Beecher just wanted a slither of normality, no matter how tedious.

As she approached her office she was surprised to see Officer Murphy standing by the door. As she got closer to the large Perspex window she noticed that Beecher’s chair was unusually vacant. She wondered where he was, and hoped nothing had happened. She liked Beecher; despite his arrogance, a trait she attributed to his time as a lawyer, and he had a talent for making a situation as difficult for himself as possible. Nonetheless, she felt that he shouldn’t be there; she knew that he wasn’t like the majority of the residents of OZ, but he had been dealt a bad hand and had repeatedly tried to make the best of the situation but often lost his way; that’s what happens to the good ones.

‘Morning Officer Murphy. What can I do for you?’ She asked in her typical forthright manner.

‘Morning Sister, I‘ve brought Keller to see you. He says it is urgent.’

Sister Pete tried to repress her disappointment, that was the last thing she wanted and the last person she wanted to see. Ever since Christopher Keller arrived she was wary of him. Whenever Tobias lamented about him, her skin would faintly ripple. She couldn’t understand how Keller was able to use and abuse people with his charismatic charm, all she knew was; don’t trust him.

She recomposed herself, before responding, ‘ok Murphy, give me a minute or two then bring him in. Thank you.’

‘No problem Sister,’ Murphy answered.

As Sister Pete sat behind her desk she couldn’t help but begin to wonder what Keller wanted. She had offered some sessions to him before but he was always very dismissive of her work and viewed the whole thing as pointless. So what was it, did he suddenly want absolution for his criminal past? Was he simply bored in Em City? Or was it because of Tobias?

Christopher Keller was a narcissistic, manipulative sociopath, who took great pleasure in playing people like puppets. A skill that had served him well, he had escaped death more times than any prisoner she’d ever met. He was cold, calculating and unfeeling, meaning he could discard people of no value to him; with no remorse.

‘What does he want?’ She mumbled as she set up her desk for visitors. She felt increasingly tense; she didn’t particularly like Keller for what he did to Tobias. She calmed herself ‘remember the Lord teaches us...judge not lest we be judged.’

She busied herself with shuffling sets of papers from one pile to another, it helped calm her. When she was ready Sister Pete beckoned Murphy to let Keller in. As she set the last of her papers, he confidently swaggered into her office and stood behind the chair waiting to be ordered, a sly yet inane grin on his face.

‘Morning Sister, thanks for seeing me’’

‘That’s why God made office hours,’ she muttered before addressing him in a polite tone, ‘good morning Chris.’

Sister Pete ushered him to sit. As he did she noticed how he relaxed into the chair. To her it seemed like Keller had carefully orchestrated every move. It would almost intimidate a person, but of course, she had heard all about Keller’s mannerisms from Beecher. So as she stared at this enigmatic figure before her, she noted how he slouched down, his shoulders resting on the back of the hard metal chair, he looked comfortable; _a little too comfortable_ she thought. His thighs sprawled open with his hands swinging in-between. The whole image fitted the Keller personality perfectly, in control yet totally relaxed.

‘Now what can I do for you?’

‘Well Sister, I can call you Sister, right?’

She nodded in acceptance. Keller continued to swing his hands methodically.

‘Well, you know, I’m back from Protective Custody and after spending all that time by myself, I figure I should come and see you....I don’t wanna end up in solitary...permanently. The thing is...’He paused.

His hands broke rhythm and he rested them uneasily on his knees. Sister Pete again took notice of this, was Keller revealing an ounce of humanity or was he finding it difficult to express himself. _Unlikely_ she pondered.

‘I`ve gotta a problem. You see Sister, in Protective Custody I had a lot of time to think and aaa.....

Sister Pete was slightly bemused. This was not the Chris Keller she was expecting; a brash, unyielding monster, yes. Not this vulnerable man.

‘Go on Chris... I’m here to help.’ She offered supportively.

A wry smile framed his face. ‘Thank you, that’s really comforting,’ Keller soothingly responded. He sat there musing for a moment; he needed her to believe everything he said and did. He looked directly into her eyes before asking,

‘You know what happened between me and Beecher... right?’

Sister Pete sat back into her chair and folded her arms across her chest, ‘how he’d fallen in love with you?’ She saw his face light up at the realisation that Tobias had told others he had loved him. He smirked and gave a slight shake of his head. Sister Pete realised he meant the gym incident.

‘You mean that you led him to the gym and then proceeded to break his body and bruise his internal organs!’ she stated matter of factly.

‘Christ, when you put it that way, it sounds so cold.’ He remorsefully asserted.

‘How would you describe it?’ she asked, as she lowered her hands onto her lap.

He straightened up before flatly stating ‘I only broke his arms; Schillinger broke his legs and Metzger busted his organs. That’s why I’ve come to see you.’

Sister Pete stared at the smiling man in front of her; it had become obvious to her that he only allows fleeting moments of vulnerability before the bombastic facade regained control.

‘Oh so you only broke his arms, how valiant of you.’ She responded sarcastically.

His grin widened, ‘Nothing is ever as it seems in here, Sister.’ He stopped for a moment, seemingly in a moment of concentration. After a few moments of silence, Keller declared, ‘Beecher hasn’t handled my return quite as I’d hoped.’

‘What did you expect? She questioned trying to suppress her surprise at his revelation.

He stared at her, ‘not what I got.’ He huffed as he folded his arms, a completely defensive position.

‘Well, Chris you must have anticipated that he wasn’t necessarily going to forgive you for what happened.’

His expression darkened, he was pissed she’d even suggested it, ‘I thought, after all these months apart, he might feel something other than intense rage. I mean, nothings sexier then Beecher’s pissed stares and brooding silences, don’t you think? He paused and mused, ‘Angelique’s pissed off face was the cutest.’

He redirected his attention to Sister Pete, ‘but when will it stop? I’m used to getting what I want and now... ’

‘... and now you’re being deprived of the thing you want.’ She put her hands on the back of her head, ‘you’ve spent your adult life controlling others to get your own way. Now you can’t and you don’t know how to handle that.’ Sister Pete felt a small sense of pride, had she gotten to the core of Keller.

Keller flashed an inane grin. He wasn’t about to let her control the situation, this was his game not hers. He knew he was far more intelligent then she had given him credit for. He knew exactly what she was up to and he wasn’t about to lose the first round. However, he was also fully aware that his emotions tended to get the better of him, particularly when anger began to build.

It seemed to have worked as Sister Pete was completely unaware of the beginnings of a cat and mouse game. Instead she was attempting to avoid a violent outburst; she knew Keller was more than capable of such a thing. As she sat there desperate to defuse the anger that flooded Keller’s face, Sister Pete decided to draw upon Keller’s past; as means to detract from the present.

‘Given your history, it’s only natural you want to feel loved.’ She lowered her hands back onto the table, a more submissive gesture which Keller would lap up. She seemed to have succeeded as Keller returned to the steadied rhythm of swinging his hands. He gave a wider smile and weighed up what she had revealed.

‘Huh...’ he smirked ‘I never saw it like that.’ _Complete lie._

‘It’s this desire to feel loved that’s driving you to make it up with Beecher. But you need to accept that Tobias is angry with you for what you did and he may never forgive you, no matter what you do.’

‘I don’t buy it Sister,’ Keller answered defiantly, his demeanour slightly altered.

He couldn’t and wouldn’t believe that Beecher couldn’t be his once more. He knew Tobias too well and had observed too much to believe any different. So far in this opening round of cat and mouse, Keller was no closer to getting what he wanted from the nun. He’d risked too much for Beecher, to lose his chance of love now.

‘What makes you say that?’ She asked.

Keller shifted in his chair, he didn’t want to tell her anything else; she’d poked around his personal thoughts for long enough.

‘You know...this reminds me of my second wife, Bonnie.’

‘You were married? ‘Sister Pete asked, intrigued and surprised.

‘Three times, well four really; Bonnie was twice. I was in Atlantic City, working a con involving the Black Jack Table, when I saw her. She was at the bar, all alone and very unhappy. We got talking and I knew I could ask her to rob a bank and she would with a smile and a wink. So I knew it would be easy to get her to fall in love with me. Next thing I knew we were at a chapel.’

Sister Pete felt her skin prickle as Keller explained how he’d seduced this poor woman into marriage.

‘You married her the night you met?’ She asked, perplexed. ‘What was the rush?

Keller raised the corner of his left lip; he’d hoped she’d ask him that.

‘I`m kinda old fashioned; I marry um before I fuck um.’ He answered completely emotionless. Sister Pete maintained her poker face, although inside she was deeply disturbed by what she’d heard.

‘Within a month things went sour; she wanted to know where I was night and day...’ He trailed off and briefly looked at Beecher’s desk, picturing him busy at work, everything in its place.

‘No, Beecher today?’ he trailed off topic

‘No, I thought it was best to keep you separated.’ Sister Pete said.

‘Huh,’ he wistfully replied, ‘the real problem was the sex. By the third month, the sex was lousy and once that happened... we had nothing.’

Sister Pete leaned forward a little, ‘and why was that such a problem for you? Surely you’d fallen in love with her by then?’

‘Sex is very important to me, Sister. You were married so you understand...’

He noticed she had a bit of fluff on her pullover, close to her chest. Without warning he reached over the desk and picked the fluff off, purposefully skimming her breast.

He briefly inspected the fluff, before he innocently said ‘lint.’ He repositioned himself in his seat; inappropriately _touching a nun; I can tick that off my list_ , he thought. He sighed, before he resumed his cold calculating stare.

‘And what happened after that?’

‘When I realised we had nothing in common, she had to go....’ He leaned forward, his hands snug in his thighs. ‘But what I didn’t know....what I had to know....would she still love me...after I broke her heart.’

Sister Pete felt repulsed. She thought the fact he’d married her purely to sleep with her was bad enough. Now his almost proud declaration of how he broke her heart just to see if she’d still love him; made it much worse. Then she began to wonder how Beecher tied into all this.

‘You broke her heart....how, exactly, did you do that?’

His eyes sparked, he’d been waiting for her to ask that question, and he leaned back in the chair with a cocky smile and focused stare,

‘Have you ever fantasised about sleeping with other people, Sister, even when you were married.... I bet your husband did.’ Keller could see she was uncomfortable with this conversation. So he decided to up the stakes.

‘You see I went to bars to do exactly that.’ He laughed ‘I targeted people I found attractive, seduced them, took them somewhere and I blew their mind.... then I`d go home and tell Bonnie....everything... every little detail...I would see the pain in her eyes as her heart began to break... It’s funny really. She lasted a lot longer than I thought... Then she came back for more.’

Keller grinned at her, ‘and you wanna know something...’ he leaned into her desk and dropped his voice to a whisper, ‘I enjoyed every minute of it.’

‘Maybe I was right all along.’ She murmured inaudibly.

Keller resumed his previous position in the chair; he pretended to ignore what she had said. His grin turned into a more solemn expression, now he’d given her a brief insight into his relationships with women; he turned his attention to what he wanted from her.

‘I got a letter from her, Bonnie, last week. She got remarried....’ He sounded remorseful, before coldly saying, ‘...bitch.’  _Exactly how I got Beecher, Bonnie won’t find another man like me._

He leaned further back in his chair, ‘now I can’t fix what I did. She found someone who loves her...even though she still comes to see me. Wonder if he knows what we do in the visiting room.’

‘Chris...’ Sister Pete interrupted; she had seen the messy make out sessions.

Suddenly he leaned forward and began to fiddle with the trinkets on her desk. ‘I still have that chance with Beecher, to put right what I did. Sister; what can I do?’ A slight hint of desperation filled his voice.

‘Chris it won’t be easy. You broke his trust, as well as his bones...’

Keller looked at her repulsed, ‘did you have to bring that up?’

‘I need to get to the heart of why you claim to love Beecher even though you went along with Schillinger’s plan.’

Keller’s contorting face betrayed his inner battle; he knew he had to sacrifice some of his own personal pain. He remembered what his mother had drummed into his head, a life time ago,

‘I`m a piece of shit,’ he nodded his head reaffirming to himself how the statement was true. ’ I...am worthless...as bad as they come....’ He coldly glared.

‘....and to have someone keep loving me...no matter how bad...’ He paused and decided he didn’t want to finish his statement,

’Happy...’ His facial expression switched from vulnerable to pissed within a blink of an eye. ‘...I`ve spilled my guts.’ He paused, the rage building within. ‘Well done Sister...breakthrough.’

Sister Pete suddenly felt a great sadness for Keller; he appeared to be full of self-loathing, ‘so it wasn’t in the name of The Aryan Brotherhood, but to see if Tobias would love you no matter what.’

Keller’s inane grin returned, before switching to a curter smile.  ‘When I met Beecher I wanted total surrender, like I was told, but over time I realised I wanted his unconditional love.’ He upturned the corner of his lips to give a glimmer of a smile. He looked at her curiously; _she will give me what I want._ He dismissively said, ‘... I know... Beecher don’t love me...’

Sister Pete looked at him, the vulnerable man had returned, ‘and it’s killing you...isn’t it?’

After a few minutes he dismissively said ‘Yer.’ He let Sister Pete see his vulnerability for a few more moments, before switching back to his more confident self,

‘So, that’s why I`m here. I wanna sign us up to this Victim Offender Interaction Programme you’ve got going on.’

Sister Pete leaned back in her chair, ‘do you really care about him?

‘I`ve given you no reason to believe it... but yer. Why else would I be here.’

It had crossed her mind to suggest the programme to Tobias, but with Schillinger not Keller. If Keller was being truthful then it might be beneficial for both of them.

‘Beecher has to agree to it.’

‘Beecher wouldn’t accept an invitation from me,’ Keller gloomily uttered. He lowered his head slightly,

  _Hook.......Line.....Sinker. This is almost too easy_ , he thought

‘That’s why I thought of you.’ Keller’s tone became a little flirtatious.

‘He listens to what you say...he respects you. Maybe if you mentioned it....I know he’ll come round to the idea.’ He stole another look at Beecher’s desk; he wondered what errand Sister Pete had sent him on to avoid seeing him.

She raised her index fingers to her lips, with her other fingers clasped together. It was this pose that offered comfort and strength. After a few moments contemplation; she rested her hands on the desk.

‘I agree you need to make amends with Beecher; especially with the two of you sharing a pod... although I can ask Mc...’

‘Not a chance,’ Keller abruptly interrupted.

‘Ok. I’ll talk to him. But I’m not making any promises,’ she reassuringly responded.

Keller’s face lit up with a board smile, ‘thank you, Sister.’

He got out of the chair and headed toward the door, with the same swagger he entered with.  He got to the doorway and quickly spun around with a wide grin.

‘You know I think it will really help.’  Keller said, turned to the door and left.

Sister Pete sat back in her chair, ‘that went well,’ she ponded.


	4. Mind of a Beecher

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beecher is all alone in the pod preparing for another drawn out day in Oz.  
> What goes on in that head when Keller isn't around?  
> What does Ryan O’Reily want with the psych files?

Every morning, while Keller was showering, Tobias gave himself a pep talk. Initially he thought it was a croc of shit but one morning he woke up and his life wasn’t as shitty and fucked up as the day before.

‘Just another day to get through... one more day to avoid that asshole.... one day closer to getting out of this depraved hell hole and back to my family. I don’t belong here.’

It was something Sister Pete had encouraged him to do. She thought it would help him think clearly instead of leaping into the self-destruction she knew he was capable of. He added the bit about avoiding the asshole, although these days he wasn’t sure if he meant Schillinger, Keller or both.

When he first got to Oz he thought Schillinger was the safer option. He was older, knew what to say at the right time and didn’t have a murderous stare in his eyes like Adebisi.

‘If only I knew then, what I know now.’

It turned out that Schillinger was far more dangerous, scheming and calculating then Adebisi could ever be. Certain crimes Schillinger could ignore, drug trafficking, assault even the occasional robbery; but killing a child, even (like in Beecher’s case) if it was an accident...was unforgiveable and deserved the highest punishment.

Tobias unconsciously glanced at his right butt cheek. Schillinger’s brand burnt into his skin, ‘when I get out of here, that’s the first thing I`m removing.’

As he stood by the sink, a wave of self-loathing hit him, ‘what happened to me? I had everything I wanted; a good job, wife and three beautiful children. It was perfect.’ He sighed and lowered his head. ‘Why did I go to that bar after work? Why did I have to have drinks with Sampson at lunch? Why did I have a shot before that hearing to calm my nerves? I didn’t need to; it was obvious the guy was guilty.’

Beecher could feel the emotion well up. He took a deep breath. The worst thing to do in OZ was to cry during day light hours. What you do in the dark is down to you. Emotion was weakness in here which Tobias had learnt the hard way. He was sure he felt his hands sting a little from that thought, ‘I ain’t no pussy.’

‘Why did I insist I was ok to drive? What was I rushing to get to? I don’t remember.’

He stared at himself in the mirror,

’That poor little girl...her poor family; I can’t even... Holly...... I would never.... will I ever get Kathy out of my dreams. It was all my fault. Why did she die?’

He cleared his voice, managing to supress his emotions, ‘It is a curse I must bear, I deserve that much.’

He ran the tap, cupped his hands and threw water on his face. She’ll always haunt him.

Tobias’s eyes drifted to the empty bunk staring back at him, in the mirror. His life was so simple, before Oz, before Keller. He was smart enough to know when his clients were lying. He could tell when the jury was on his side. He could even see when the judge believed his arguments. But this, this was a completely different ball game.

Keller was unlike any man Tobias had come across; although that wasn’t too hard to believe. Before Oz, he was accustomed to fancy restaurants, uptown bars and political meet and greets. It would never have crossed his mind that people like Keller existed, let alone how to interact with them.

As much as he tried, he couldn’t stifle the thoughts of Keller that circulated. His mind flashed to the glances they used to give each other in the showers. The longing gazes as they played chess and the comfort he got when he had one of his horrific nightmares. Inevitably his thoughts turned darker. His mind flashed to that fateful day in the gym. The glee on Keller’s face when he was led in, the way he and Schillinger joked and even flirted with each other.

‘He enjoyed seeing me suffer.’ He stated.

After that day he saw Keller in a different light. Beecher felt more anxious at night, ‘he knows that I`m helpless at night...in my dreams.’ He slammed his fist onto the cold metal sink. ‘Ah fuck’

He loathed himself for allowing Keller to dominate these conflicting thoughts in this way. Tobias was fully aware that Keller had an inexplicable hold over him that would possibly destroy him. No matter how hard he tried, to mentally eradicate him, the mere sight of him, his presence, his well-defined body, sparked something deep inside him.

‘I hate that I allow myself to think about that man, after everything he put me through. He made me question everything, I thought, I knew about myself. Why couldn’t he stay in Protective Custody, why did he have to fuck up my life?’

He resumed his solo staring competition, trying to make sense of all that had happened since he met Keller and all the baggage that went with that. He couldn’t ignore the fact that Keller had made him feel alive again, helped him stay away from the heroin and had made his days in Em City more bearable. 

Beecher also knew that deep down the incidence in the gym wasn’t really Keller’s fault but he was the only person he could openly blame and it was a new experience for him, seeing Keller squirm. He had one silver lining, Schillinger and his thugs were shipped out to B block before Keller returned. The only time Beecher had to exchange ‘pleasantries’ with Schillinger was if he had mail, which thankfully wasn’t too often.  Tobias had often supposed that Schillinger had his own unique way of losing mail.

Beecher glided his hand through his hair. He exhaled a long drawn out breath,

‘What am I going to do about Keller?’

That question had prayed a lot on his mind. He knew how he was going to care of Metzger that was easy.  Especially when he saw the fear in his face when Keller practically declared to all of Em City that he wanted to see McManus. Keller was a different thing altogether, he knew Tobias better than anyone in Em City.

As he allowed his mind to drift into a world of daydream, a dream without Oz, without Schillinger after him and without Keller going on about his undying love. Beecher knew with or without Keller he was fucked.

Then that thought leapt into his consciousness again, ‘What am I going to do about Keller?’

Tobias thought about that liberating day when he stood up to Schillinger, he had earned his freedom and had got his self-respect back. His moral civilian side knew that what he did was appalling but he was very quick to defend his actions.

‘What was I meant to do? What Schillinger did to me was unspeakable. He violated me, he ruined my marriage and then she...’

He took another deep breath, Genevieve’s suicide was one of the many secrets buried deep within; and he wasn’t prepared to ‘work’ through it, not yet anyway.

‘Then to top it off he got his little lap dog into OZ’

Tobias’s mind drifted off, momentarily, to the first time he laid eyes on Keller. He was noticeably wary of him, but considering all the shit he had been through wary was acceptable. He remembered the confident yet enigmatic figure. Everything about Kris Keller screamed dangerous to Tobias, but he didn’t care. Keller didn’t appear to have any affiliations with anyone in Oz. Usually each gang looked after their own; Homeboys sponsored Homeboys, Latino’s sponsored Latino’s but there were no Aryans to collect Keller, so Tobias believed he wasn’t in any immediate danger. Once he saw the cast on his arm, he had a bizarre need to protect and fear him, and that turned him on. Tobias was about to fully emerge himself in their first kiss when he heard the door.

‘Piss off Keller,’ he called into the pod, hoping he would get the message this time.

‘I know I am good but I ain’t Keller,’ O’Reily smirked. Tobias turned to him.

‘Oh shit Ryan, sorry, I thought you were...’ Beecher’s voice immediately sounded apologetic.

‘...Keller. Yer I figured. Still not used to sharing again. Huh?’ O`Reily stated.

‘Fuck you,’ Tobias crankily answered.

‘Someone is touchy today.’ O`Reily quipped

‘What do you want?’

‘Can’t a guy come by and say hello,’ O`Reily slimly disguised his sincerity.

‘In Em City? Not a chance.’ Tobias knew better then most.

‘No fooling you is there.’ O`Reily smirked

Beecher looked at O`Reily and chuckled back. Somehow Tobias found O`Reily funny when he smirked like that.

‘So what do you really want?’ He questioned, as he propped himself up onto his bunk.

‘Ahhh, I need a favour.’ Heshot Tobias a wide grin, which reminded him of a shark circling his prey.

Tobias looked at Ryan suspiciously. Although, most didn’t, Tobias knew that O`Reily was the mastermind behind a number of mysterious deaths and retaliation murders that had gone on in Em City.

‘What will it cost me?’  He asked questionably

‘Why do you have to cheapen it like that?’ O`Reily replied

‘Cause I know the shit you get up to.’ He flatly answered

O`Reily chuckled, ‘Ok you got me there.’

‘So what do you want?’ Tobias was becoming impatient. He knew it wouldn’t be long before Keller would be back from the shower and he wanted to be on his way to Sister Pete’s office. Keller knew it was the one thing Beecher couldn’t resist, his body glistening, his muscles defined and his towel precariously tied around his hips, one false move and Tobias would be totally screwed.

‘Beecher after all the shit we have gone through in this God forsaken place, I`m gunna give you a freebie’

‘Freebie? Look Ryan its very generous of you, but I`m clean now.’

‘What? Beech its nothing like that, it’s a different kind of freebie.’

‘Right, so what do you want?’ Tobias asked again dubiously

Ryan stepped further into the pod and leaned beside the bunks. ‘You work in Sister P’s office right? You can see all the files on us? Could you look up this guy for me? ’

Beecher was uncharacteristically intrigued; since the whole Schillinger- Keller saga he had tried to stay out of shit like this. He saw Ryan search in his pocket.

‘Are you going to stay on your ivory tower, or find out what I`ve got?’

Beecher, uneasily slid off of his bunk, ‘and I`d just gotten comfortable.’ He joked.

O`Reily had located the object and maintained his position. The biggest drawback of living in clear Plexi-glass boxes, deals can’t go down with prying eyes close by. O`Reily fractionally twitched his head, Tobias immediately understood the signal and stood by the right side of the bunks, the darkest park of the pod day or night.

O’Reily slipped him a scrap of paper. Tobias took the paper and quickly scanned the name before screwing it up and flushing it down the toilet; standard Oz procedure, no evidence, no proof.

‘You catch on quick Beecher.’ Ryan smirked ‘I`m impressed.’

Tobias felt a shiver down his spine. What would his law-abiding father say?

He quickly deflected Ryan’s prowling eyes. They both knew he was desperate to ask about Keller. ‘Why do you want me to act as your spy, exactly?’

‘Oh, Beech you had to spoil it. You couldn’t have just said yes Ryan as soon as I can.’He took a sigh, ‘did I ever tell you how Cyril, my brother, ended up like he is now.’

Beecher shook his head, ‘what happened?’

‘We were at a funeral, and a fight broke out. Anyway that fuck got a lucky punch and Cyril was out cold. When the doctors brought him out of his coma, they said he’d been brain damaged.’ O`Reily stopped; he didn’t usually talk about this sort of stuff.

He returned to his calmer and more sinister tone, ‘I just want to know what he’s doing here and where can I find him.’

‘Why do you want to find him,’ Beecher stopped for a moment and his lawyer instinct kicked in. ‘Fuck! Ryan, you want me to be your accessory.’

‘You make it sound so clinical, Beech. If I wanted revenge I would’ve got out after Cyril was hospitalised.’

‘So you’re telling me you don’t want revenge...and you think I would believe that. I was a lawyer for fucks sake.’ He put his hands on the back of his head. Another Beecher trademark, he usually rested them there when he was stressed and needed self-reassurance.

‘I won’t do that! I won’t look up someone for you to murder.’

O’Reily took a sharp breath. He leaned slightly and indigently replied ‘Beecher, believe me, if I wanted him dead, I would’ve had it done by now. You know me better than that.’

‘So what are you going to do?’

‘Just find out what I have asked and that’s all you need to know or do I need to ask someone?’ O’Reily gave a sly smirk as he shot a look at the empty bottom bunk. ‘You know they would... no questions asked.’

 _Keller. So its emotional blackmail, the second most lucrative trade in Oz._ Tobias thought.He gave Ryan a glance, against his better judgement, ‘Ok, I`ll take a look,’ and held out his hand.

Ryan stretched out his own hand and shook Tobias’s firmly. ‘We have a deal.’ He dropped his shake and headed to the door.

‘O’Reily’ ... if anything happens to this guy I know who to look for.

‘Beecher you and I know, in Oz, to keep winning we have to keep the facts murky.’

O’Reily shot him an acid smile and strolled out of the pod. Beecher was alone again with his thoughts.

‘See you around, Beecher.’

‘Fuck! The things you have to do to stay alive in this place.’


	5. Uneasy truce?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just another night in the pod.  
> Keller is trying to convince Beecher he is a changed person.  
> Will Beecher buy it?

_When you’re a kid, the dark is the place of nightmares. You’re given a nightlight to protect you....yer like some plastic dinosaur is any protection._

_As you get older the dark becomes an adventure playground of drinking, dancing and fucking. Then it creeps up again, it becomes the most dangerous place and no flash light can save you._

_Of course Oz has its own share of terrors that come out at night. The question, we all ask ourselves is; what will be our night light or will our monsters come out to play?_

**Prisoner #95H522**

*********************************************************************

Tobias sat propped up in the corner of his bunk, reading his latest book, his only solace, and his only real means of escape from that god awful place that was Em City. He relished moments like these. All too soon that moment was spoilt by reality.

‘Lock down,’ barked a hack from the observation deck.

‘Great, three hours, stuck with you, until lights out,’ Beecher sarcastically groaned; it was the only thing he had said to Keller all day.

Ever since he came back from Protective Custody, Beecher had gone to great lengths to avoid Keller until it became physically impossible. He even volunteered to spend more time in Sister Pete’s office, even though there was nothing extra to do. Sister Pete didn’t seem to mind, she enjoyed Tobias’s company and he saw it as the only option to keep Keller away.

Despite everything that had happened, every time he saw Keller a variety of conflicting emotions flooded his mind.  Part of him was desperately aching to grab Keller by the shoulders and passionately kiss him, just like the laundry room; only this time it might just be real.  To openly tell him that he still loved him, but didn’t know how he could trust or forgive him. He knew he was torturing himself, but he was just glad to feel something again.

As he sat there, Tobias began to think. He had noticed a change in Keller since he came back. He wouldn’t allow himself to believe this miraculous personality alteration was genuine. One thing Keller had proven to Tobias was he was very good at manipulation. Not only that, he was a proven liar. Tobias couldn’t help but ponder; _he told me we’d look out for each other._ He remembered the look of honesty in Keller’s eyes; the same look now filled him with rage. _He broke your trust as well as your bones,_ came a voice from inside his head.

He’d never felt so conflicted in his entire life; of course his life had been mapped out for him. He met Genevieve, via his family connections, during his first week of college. He remembered how she had hinted at a proposal, down to the last detail. That felt like someone else’s life now.

He couldn’t deny Oz had changed him. Whether or not it was for the better he wasn’t sure yet. But, as always, his past always led him to fantasise moments shared with Keller; no matter how much resistance he put up. His own emotions were working against him. The truth was Tobias couldn’t trust Keller even if he wanted to.

_Christ he would’ve made a good lawyer... I just don’t know what to believe about him anymore._

As Beecher sat there fighting his inner demons; Keller was lying on his own bunk, brooding. He knew Beecher would eventually do his bidding; he just couldn’t take the agonising wait. He was always one step ahead in his cons and with his wives, but this was different. For once in his life, he truly couldn’t see the end game.

What frustrated him more was Tobias’s childish game of ‘lets ignore Keller and maybe he’d go away.’ As a child Keller spent most of his time in a dingy room alone, while his mother looked for her next hit or tried to appease her most recent boyfriend. When she couldn’t do that she took her rage out on him, drumming into his head how she wished he didn’t exist, how worthless he was and how he wouldn’t amount to anything. As he got older he looked for attention, female or male, anywhere he could. He discovered he was very good at manipulating people without being hurt himself.

He couldn’t stand the silence anymore, ‘Toby **...** you trying to avoid me?’

Both men knew he was, but it was the only way Keller could get him to start talking, no matter how begrudgingly.  He didn’t have to wait long for a response.

‘I told you stop calling me that,’ Beecher flatly answered, as he put his book under his pillow.

‘Toby... Tobias... Beecher. What’s the difference,’ Keller flirtatiously cooed.

‘I don’t like hearing any of them coming from your mouth. In fact I don’t like hearing your voice at all,’ Tobias said in a stroppy tone.

‘Still trying not talking to me, huh’

‘I don’t know what you mean,’ he innocently said.

Keller sat there, looking up at the indented mattress, made by Beecher’s body. He pictured every contour, every muscle, and every feature of Tobias. It was bad enough in Protective Custody, knowing that Beecher was in Em City, knowing what he had done to the man he loved. This was worse, to have Toby so close, yearning to touch him.... to kiss him.

They both knew that Tobias still felt something, otherwise why did he go to such lengths to avoid him, still share a pod with him. Keller was clearly irritated, as Toby refused to play fair.

‘Bullshit, you`ve done everything you can to avoid me.’ His tone took on a more flirtatious tone, ‘what’s the matter... can’t control yourself around me.’

‘Fuck you, Keller,’ Tobias snapped.

‘I know I can’t control myself around you. To feel your hands on my chest, your lips pressed against mine. My hand wrapped round the nape of you neck while the other fondles the back of your hair.’ Keller responded in a purposefully seductive voice that he knew would engulf Toby’s imagination.

 _Dam him_ , Tobias thought, _maybe I can.... no no no.... he was Schillinger’s puppet. Fuck for all I know he was one of Schillinger’s countless prags._

Finally he said, ‘you see this is why I spend my time, AWAY from you.’

‘Because I turn you on,’ he flirtatiously cooed

‘Bu..ll..sh..it’

Keller knew that Beecher was making too much of the situation to be even remotely believable. He decided he needed to see Beecher’s face, mental pictures weren’t enough anymore, and now was his perfect opportunity as neither of them could leave. As he got up he said,

‘Toby, Toby if that wasn’t true you wouldn’t be doing this stupid shit,’ He shot Beecher a wide smile, the kind that usually got what he wanted.

Before Beecher couldn’t resist that smile, now it just made him pissed. He was doing everything he could to provoke a reaction from Tobias; to gauge how much work he will need to do.  From his sessions with Sister Pete, Keller had quickly realised that wrestling wouldn’t work this time, but how he wished it would,

‘Skin touching skin again,’ he quietly uttered.

‘Has it never occurred to you that, I stay away from you because, you fill me with such rage, that one day it could end in your murder?’

‘If I believed that, would I have left Protective Custody or be back in the same pod. McManus wanted to move me out...remember?’

‘You went in there because they were scared of what Schillinger would do to you... traitor. Poor little lapdog all lost without his master. Maybe he’ll go easy on you and just neuter you, or put you on a tight leash. ’ Tobias stated as a sinister grin formed on his face. Keller didn’t like it when he grinned like that; it was unnerving even by his standards.

‘I ain’t scared of those Aryan fucks, ’Keller uttered through gritted teeth as he lay back into his bunk.

Tobias saw how he successfully pissed Keller off; he had to admit he was enjoying it.  The fact was Beecher didn’t know what made Keller tick; he didn’t know that much about him. He knew all about his wives, cons and his various sexual encounters. Tobias hoped that not all of them could be true; he wasn’t really sure what to think.

He sat there staring at the ceiling for a minute, before adding to the tension, ‘What made you decide Protective Custody? Why not solitary like Alvarez?’

‘And come out like a loony toon or worse in a body bag. Nah they wanted me alive so I could testify. They answered every request, how do you think those letters got to you without Schillinger interfering?’

‘Really touching, I`m sure; shame I never read them.’

That was a lie, and Tobias knew it. Of course he had read them. In all of their months apart it was the only piece of Keller he had. Tobias knew that he would reach him in any way possible.Tobias had used them to feed his fury against Keller; no simple task. He was somewhat relieved that he’d flushed them before Keller decided to release himself from Protective Custody. No evidence...No proof.

‘But you wrote back, so you must of read um,’ Keller curiously questioned.

‘Nope, I thought that might make you stop. That obviously didn’t work.’

‘Now that is the most ungrateful thing you have said to me,’ Keller tried to hide the pain in his voice and make it sound sarcastic.  ‘Do you know the effort I went to, to write those to you? I mean I had to have a break, jerking off takes a lot out of a guy.’

‘Why is everything about sex, with you?’ Tobias asked indigently

‘The hardest thing of all, Toby, was being away from you. I realised, while you were in hospital, what I did was wrong. When you came back, I couldn’t wait to see you.’

Keller paused; he was surprised he was telling Beecher the truth about how he felt about him. It was a new experience; he wasn’t sure how he felt about it.

‘How many times have I got to tell you I am sorry for what happened? How many times can I say I was an asshole? How many times can I say I love you?’

‘How do I know this isn’t a scheme you and Schillinger cooked up?’ He flatly replied.

‘Look,’ Keller said coyly ‘you’ve no reason to trust me, but considering what I’ve given up...’

Tobias gave a dismissive grunt ‘What you gave up? You’re trying to tell me, the little lapdog has no master,’ Tobias declared in a mocking manner.

‘I am no cock sucking lapdog. I do what I have to, to survive.’

‘Including following Schillinger’s orders!’

‘Fuck Schillinger... oh yer you already know huh!’ He knew it would only serve to piss Tobias off more, but he’d enough of defending himself.

An uneasy pause filled the pod. Keller propped up his pillow and lay on his bunk. ‘Look Toby, I`m ...a... I`m not too good at this...’ He sat there musing his next words, ‘I don’t think I`ve ever apologised for anything and actually meant it.’

‘I am enjoying your attempts at apologising, saying sorry, asking forgiveness, being repentant but the fact is your only here because of Schillinger.’

Keller felt frustrated, he would’ve forgiven Tobias; after all he loved him.

‘How many times Toby I`ve got nothing to do with that cock sucker. Fuck, I thought going to McManus was proof of that.’

‘So you keep saying .... I still don`t buy it.’

Keller realised that this wasn’t the right way to get what he wanted. Tobias was too stubborn. He knew that Beecher couldn’t move forward with his life because he didn’t think he deserved it. A personality trait they uniquely shared, the only difference was he went looking for people to love him while Beecher went more towards self- destruction.

 _Little Toby hadn’t thought of that, now whose a lapdog,_ Keller thought.He relaxed his hands on the back of his head and rested against the wall.  Maybe he could use Tobias’s faith to his advantage. Keller had spent enough sessions with the nun to have a basic idea of how to use it to manipulate Beecher into speaking to him again at least.

As he sat there, he smirked as he realised something Beecher hadn’t; he had a nun to do the hard work for him. He knew Tobias trusted the nun, especially as he still clung onto his faith, even if it was by a thread. She could convince him to forgive Keller, to get him to open up about how he feels; which would result in Keller being able to touch and kiss him without being hit.  

The tense silence continued to flood the pod. Keller felt the aggravation build. He particularly hated situations like this. It brought back memories of his marriages and how they reacted when they found out about his affairs;

Bonnie threw him out, but quickly took him back, she didn’t like being alone.

Kitty didn’t seem to care, but she often cheated on him as revenge.

Angelique filed for divorce the day after he told her the grizzly details.

‘Toby we can’t go on like this; it’s driving me crazy.’

‘All the more reason to do it’ he answered.

‘Fuck you,’ Keller drily retorted.

‘Not... gunna... happen.’  Beecher chirped.

‘All I am asking is for you to talk to me every so often... would it kill ya.’

‘This submissive bullshit is a real turn off,’ Tobias dryly responded. But he knew Keller was right. This couldn’t go on and he wasn’t about to ask for a move.

‘You know I`ve been thinking, doesn’t your God teach forgiveness?’ Keller decided to lay the foundations that Sister Pete was sure to build on with Tobias.

‘Fuck’ Tobias uttered under his breath, Keller knew he had won.

‘Sister Pete was explaining it to me. I must say you’re a very bad example by not forgiving me. I`m not saying we should kiss and make up. But if you think that will help, I`ll be waiting.’

‘It will take a lot for me to forgive you. But you have a point about God encouraging forgiveness. I’ll try but I`m not making any promises...Kris.’

Keller felt that little jump again, _there’s still something there_ **.**

‘Lights out,’ an ominous voice called. Em City was slowly plunged into darkness.

 _How long I’ve waited to hear that Toby, if only you could see we belong together,_ Keller smirked into the dark.


	6. Back to normal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can Sister Pete convince Tobias to do Keller's bidding?

‘Just another day at the office,’ Tobias muttered as he walked through the last security gate. It wasn’t the most conventional commute, but at least it broke the boredom that often occupies Em City. He was considered a low threat and trustworthy, by the guards and so could walk to work without supervision. It was drastically different from his job before Em City.

Before Oz he was the hot shot lawyer at the family firm, always handed the best cases by this father, met with visiting dignitaries, ate at the best restaurants andwas used to being driven around town, when he too drunk to drive himself.He was a pampered and spoilt rich boy who was brought up to believe that he deserved it all on a plate, how things had changed. But, for all the baggage he had, Tobias Beecher knew he was a better person than before.

‘Morning, Pete,’ Tobias chirped as he walked into the office.

Sister Pete smiled, ‘you’re in a good mood today.’ She quickly scanned his face looking for anything suspicious.

Beecher could feel a slight glow over his cheek.

 _Is this what a truce with Keller feels like?_ He thought. _I need to think of something fast! She can’t know I actually had a civilised conversation with that sociopath. If she knew, she’d want to psychoanalyse me for my sudden change of heart. Think...think...think._

He felt her stare on him, his cheeks felt like they were on fire. Eventually he decided with,

‘I gotta say, it’s down to you,’ he warmly yet casually said, remember you told me to do those pep talks in the mirror every morning.’

Tobias could feel the self-loathing and guilt wash over him. He knew it was wrong to lie to a nun, it went against everything he was taught and believed in, but the fact was Oz wasn’t the place for honesty. But the fact was it was the aggressive flirting with Keller that put a smile on his face.....very begrudgingly.

But Sister Pete was just relieved she had done something that helped one of her patients if only more of them were like that.

‘I`m glad it’s helped you Tobias; you know I am always here.’

‘Thank you Pete,’ he smiled, ‘so what have I got today?’

‘Well I need that pile updated on the system. Then I need all of those green files sent to the infirmary. Then I have a meeting; I need you to take the minutes, after that I’ve some appointments in Victim offender interaction programme, including the Rivera’s.’ Sister Pete carefully looked at Tobias’s face, searching for his reaction but she was left disappointed, usually he made his disapproval quiet clear.

 _Nothing, maybe he isn’t interested in such a programme,_ she wondered.

However, she couldn’t help but think about what Keller had said. She knew he couldn’t be trusted but she knew he was right, to some degree anyway. But like all the residents of OZ, Tobias Beecher was a complex character. Although, he didn’t fit the profile of the most of the prisoners she’d treated over the years. She’d established he had an addictive personality, a recovering alcoholic and drug addict, a complex family relationship (particularly after his wife’s suicide), his desires and love for another man and the violent traumatic events that had happened over the past two years.

‘A full day then,’ he cynically said

‘No rest for the wicked,’ she playfully answered.

 Sister Peter saw Tobias settle into his desk ready to start the tedious workload she had assigned him.  She knew he was capable of much more, but as prison jobs went she could think of worse, for instance Augustus Hill’s job was to work in the morgue, Keller’s was to stack paper and Lemus’s was making sure all the labels in the kitchen faced the right way.

 If Sister Pete was honest with herself, her mind was elsewhere.  One of her meetings was with Alvarez, who was put in solitary after he blinded Mr Rivera. She had heard that once the COs had beaten him, for what he had done, he was thrown into his grey abyss of a cell. She’d seen first-hand how all that time alone changes a man. It didn’t help that the guards were leaving him in there for days without food, water or his medication.

‘Poor boy, first his grandfather, then his father and now him; he’s just twenty-one and he’s looking at serving his sentence behind solid walls.’ She paused momentarily

‘Who Pete?’ Tobias asked, as he picked up his next round of files.

‘Oh Alvarez, I`m not sure how to reach him; he’s locked up for 24 hours a day, months on end, completely alone. I`m meant to meet with him and the Rivera’s to try and get closure. Have you ever...’

Beecher had learnt to switch off from Sister Pete when she rambled for too long. Plus he had other things on his mind. Today was the day he decided to look up Ruddick. O`Reily had been on his back and had decided to annoy him by talking about Keller and how he would’ve got the information to him by now. The whole situation with Keller was beginning to get on his nerves. He took a quick look at Peter Marie before opening a file at a random page and

‘Great more typing, my day gets better, ’he quietly mumbled, ‘Ok, Mr Ruddick...’

**Prisoner #98R372 William Ruddick**

**Convicted April 14 th 1998**

**Two counts of assault, robbery and attempted murder**

**Sentence 40 years...up for parole in 15**

‘Oh great just what Oz needed,’ he uttered as he read through his file. Ruddick had a background of petty crime, multiple trips to Juvy before he graduated to state detention.

‘Whoa, this guy could cause serious damage....’ he wondered for a couple of minutes, ‘perhaps he should look Keller up.’

He continued to search the file, with random intermittent typing; he didn’t want to look suspicious. Then he saw it, right there in black and white, Ruddick had served time in Lardner at the same time as Schillinger and Keller.

‘FUCK,’ he inadvertently blurted out

‘Is everything ok Tobias?’

‘Huh, oh sorry; I was ...er... updating the paperwork, and the computer crashed before I could save it. Its fine I’ll redo it and set up...er... the...er...auto saves. I thought I`d set it up before, but this machine is a nightmare.  I`ll need to print a confirmation page.’ Why did lying to a nun feel so easy to Tobias?

‘Fine, fine, just shred the page,’ she half- heartedly answered.  She sighed as she put her papers down, gave him a comforting look and said, ‘I don’t know what I’d do without you.’

G _et even less done,_ he thought.The truth is he had done that the day he started working for her, but he needed the information for O’Reily. As he pocketed the page from the printer, he uttered, ‘the tamed mouse is paying the piper.’

*************************************************************************

A few hours passed and Tobias finished his errands and as he walked back into her office, he saw Sister Pete deep in thought. He quietly opened the door, which she didn’t seem to notice, and made a feeble attempt at quietly closing it.  As it snapped shut, it shook her back to reality.

‘Oh Tobias sorry I didn’t see you come back. Could you... erm... sit down for a minute?’ She gestured him to sit down which he readily obliged. She wasn’t sure how he was going to take what she had to say.

‘What’s wrong Sister Pete,’ he asked unnerved. He’d heard that tone before. Usually it was when she wanted to counsel someone but they would be resistant to it.

‘Oh Tobias, nothing to worry about; I just wanted to check in with you, after your recent trauma.’

A dubious look fell onto Beechers’s face. He’d been through this, with her, before. She’d noticed, a few months into his sentence, and how miserable and desolate he was. She knew she had to help him, which he knew was a kind thing to do. He was grateful to her for that, coming to work with her allowed him to escape Schillinger and get some sense of normality again.

A nagging doubt quickly rose in his head, what _does she want?_ He thought, _last time we checked in, I was on heroin and a total wreck._ Unconsciously he shook his head. _No good can come of this._

Sister Pete gave Tobias a moment as she remembered how their last discussion about therapy went, and that was without the suggestion of including Keller.  She knew that they had some form of relationship before the incident in the gym but couldn’t quite define it. But, from her sessions with Keller, she knew he was aching to get it back; she wasn’t so sure Tobias felt the same.

‘Before you say anything, get angry or upset, with me, I need you to listen,’ she looked directly into his eyes and he nodded in approval.

‘Ok I`ve been looking over your file, and following what has gone on over the past year, I strongly advise that you have a series of one to one sessions, say twice a week.’ She could see the anger build in his face.

Beecher stared at her, his leg begun to involuntarily shake, inside he was seething. He hated it when she interfered in his life, why do people think they can do this to me.

 _Why do they think they can climb into my head and scurry around my mind. First Schillinger, then Keller and now her... what kick do they get out of it._ He tried to remain calm and hide his true emotions.

‘I think you’ve been under a lot of stress recently.’ Sister Pete began, ‘you battled your addictions, broke free from Schillinger, your wife died and you fell in love.’

Sister Pete noticed Beecher’s confused expression, had he forgotten he’d said anything.  She raised her eyebrow in disapproval, ‘you told me...remember.’

He hung his head; he’d forgotten he’d admitted that to her, especially because it was the same person he had come to loath.

_S_ _hit I’d basically paraded it around. Fuck I hope I didn’t tell her it was Keller._

‘Fuck’ he whispered. His murmurs appeared to go unnoticed by Sister Pete.

‘So, I think you have lot of unresolved thoughts and feelings that would benefit from being worked through; to allow you absolved yourself. Particularly with Schillinger and how you used drugs and alcohol to escape it. Then of course the vicious attack and your drug and alcohol abuse’

Sister Pete carefully studied Beecher’s facial expressions and body language. It was a technique she often used in an attempt to understand how far she had pushed someone and when it was an appropriate moment to stop and let them absorb the information. So she sat back in her chair and waited for Beecher to relax before bringing up the two most traumatic and painful events in Beecher’s life; his wife’s suicide and Keller.

Beecher shot a pissed look at her, he shook his head in an attempt to control his rage, ‘I thought we’d moved past this,’ he defensively answered ‘I thought I made it clear I am fine.’

‘Yes, I remember, but I can see that you’re trying to supress the anger you feel when I mention certain events. You’ve come so far since you started the drug rehabilitation programme. I just think there are things you’d want to discuss privately.’

‘You’re talking about Genevieve aren’t you?’ Beecher’s expression saddened.

‘I was devastated when she died and the fact my kids found her...well. But that was nearly a year ago, and I’ve learnt to accept, I was the reason behind her death. She gave up on me and when she saw that mark...she couldn’t bear to look or touch me ever again.’  He exhaled a long breath.

‘So my wife left and divorced me a year before she died. I’ve accepted that I’ve failed her as a husband and a man.’ He was doing his best not to get upset.

‘You see that’s why you should talk about this. You can’t blame yourself for what happened; it was a series of events that were, mainly, out of your control. That’s how you ended up relying on the drugs and the moonshine they found in your pod.’

‘That was all Keller, prick. He planted it there knowing I would drink it after he got sent to the hole. I was an emotional wreck.’ He sat there trying to look relaxed, the truth was even Beecher didn’t know how it got under his pillow.

She looked at him, not completely convinced of his story, ‘and do you remember what I said to you after you were caught with a hangover and an empty jar?’

‘If I even thought about drinking again you would kick my ass,’ he answered in a deflated tone.

 He sat back and recalled the next part of that encounter, _she sent me to the infirmary and I came up with plan B...don’t get caught, worked like a charm._

Sister Peter Marie awkwardly shifted in her chair, ‘Well since you mention Keller that brings me to my second point.’

‘No fucking way,’ Tobias answered bluntly. He didn’t know what she was going to say but he knew he wanted nothing to do with it.

‘Now, Tobias I told you to listen first. I understand that you are upset about what happened in the gym and you’re angry that Kris betrayed you. But if you’re ever going to get past that I truly believe therapy will work... for both of you.’

Tobias nervously laughed, ‘what you getting at Pete...hmm...work... how?’

‘You know,’ Sister Pete pondered, ‘I’ve seen my fair share of men lose their way because they get addicted to one substance or another, anything to escape. But I`ve learned over the years that you can also get addicted to grief, guilt even hate. I don’t want that to happen to you. You’ve come too far.’ She leaned back in her chair.

As she sat there studying Beecher’s face, once again, all she could think of was that he was protesting a bit too much. She knew he was hiding things from her. She decided to approach him another way.

‘Tobias, while I cannot condone what prisoners say or do in their pods. I can see when someone has been damaged by love and I know that you’re still recovering from that heartache....even when you still share a cell with Keller.’

‘Pete, how many times do I need to say this, I don’t love Keller.’ Beecher responded.

Suddenly, something that Keller said popped into her head. Keller knew that Beecher didn’t love him but he refused to switch pods. She wondered if Tobias would answer the prospect of being moved in the same way.

‘Of course I could always ask McManus to move you out,’ she casually said, as she leafed through some files on her desk.

Tobias’s eyes flickered. No way will he allow himself to be separated from Keller, again; that wasn’t going to happen, but she didn’t need to know that.

 _Some people get hooked on love. Like any fiend you always need your fix. To have the sensation over and over_ He contemplated

‘Why should I? It was my pod first.’ He huffed like a spoilt child.

‘So how do you plan to carry on living with Keller? You can’t hide in my office forever; there are only so many papers to type and file. And it’s not a healthy way to deal with the issue.’

‘Not healthy,’ he snorted, ‘not healthy. It wasn’t healthy for him to break my arms, but he did. You’re not asking him to come and bare his soul to you twice a week.’

Sister Pete shifted nervously in the chair, ‘well, actually Kris has come to see me.’

‘That cocksucker, no wonder he wanted me to talk to him again.’ Tobias rage was building, ‘I knew he was up to something.’

‘I thought you could both benefit from my Victim Offender Interaction Programme. It will enable you to work through your rage and perhaps, eventually, forgive Kris.’

‘No way, I won’t agree to spend any more of my time with him. I do not want to move forward in terms of him. I trusted that man and he broke me. Tell me could you?’

‘As you know the Lord teaches us to forgive. Although, it would be difficult and would take time, I would feel compelled to forgive,’ Sister Pete sincerely replied. ‘I`m not forcing you to do anything you do not want to do. I want you to consider it.’

‘Therapy...with Keller...uh let me think...NO.’

‘Ok, so not with Keller but what about some private sessions. We can discuss Genevieve and how her death has affected you, what steps we need to help you move forward and how you will help your children understand their mother’s death.’

Tobias took a moment to reflect and absorb Sister Pete’s word. Perhaps he had been too selfish about this to even consider his children and how he will cope with them once he is released.

After a few moments Tobias responded, ‘fine...but no Keller’


	7. Redemption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tension continues between Keller and Beecher and neither are planning to back down anytime soon.

A semi-circle of chairs were laid out on the stage in the canteen. It looked eerily like a scene in some drama, without the reassurance of it being a composed by a talented playwright. Sister Pete took to her seat, centre stage, presiding over proceedings. Although she held these sessions weekly, she knew better than anyone that a week was a long time in Oz.

‘Sometimes I think this programme would be more suited to daytime television, especially now Keller’s joining us.’ She questioned to herself.

Keller had decided to join the group shortly after his release from Protective Custody, under the pretence that he wanted to become a better man. She’d looked through his file and saw part of his conviction was for excessive substance abuse, but she didn’t think he’d started using since he got to Em City; Then again she’d been surprised before. Perhaps he was serious about turning his life around, maybe he truly wanted to be forgiven and move on from his past.

‘Tobias will not like this at all,’ she sighed ‘I just hope this doesn’t hold him back...or worse make him relapse.’

Just as she settled into her chair, her band of merry prisoners arrived; Tobias strode in closely flanked by the O`Reily brothers, Keller not too far behind, with Hill and the other recovering addicts.

As they approached, O’Reily asked Beecher, in a hushed tone, ‘How come lover boy has decided to join us.’

Beecher looked distinctly annoyed with the question and the fact that O`Reily had addressed it, ‘I`m not Keller’s keeper. I don’t have a fucking clue why he’s here,’ he paused, ‘He’s not my lover boy; he’s nothing to me.’

‘Someone’s touchy today.’ Keller retorted, he’d intently listened to the conversation.

Tobias refused to acknowledge Keller; it was bad enough that he’d spent the morning with him. N _ot once did he mention he was coming to the session,_ he mused.

‘Good afternoon gentlemen, take a seat.’ Sister Pete called to the men as they walked closer. She didn’t hold out much hope as she saw them file in. Why was she doing this to herself, most of these men were beyond help.  Sister Pete let her mind wonder, as she watched them approach, she retraced why each man was there.

Take the O`Reily’s; one of the biggest drug gangs in Upstate New York. Even when Ryan came to Oz he quickly started up his own branch. Then there was Cyril, poor boy, a terrible accident left him with the mental capacity of a child. I don’t think he has a substance problem, just Ryan’s over protective nature.

On the other end of the spectrum, there was Christopher Keller. His father walked out on his mother before he was born. She held him responsible and told him every day how worthless and a waste of skin he was. By the time he was 13 he’d already racked up a string of convictions, including possession with intent to supply. After that, in and out of Juvy where he spiraled into addiction and learnt how to be a more sophisticated criminal. Since then whenever something bad had happened to him, Keller would drown his sorrows in a cocktail of alcohol, amphetamines and anything else he could get his hands on. It was one of those binges that put him in Oz in the first place.

As they took their places, Sister Pete giggled to herself, she noticed how each man always sat in the same place. Ryan with Cyril, Tobias sat two seats away from her, Hill on the end and the others filling the remaining spaces. She was interested to see where Keller would place himself.

Keller took a look at the semi-circle and saw, conveniently, the last chair was the mirror opposite to Beecher. He smirked; it was almost as if it wasn’t an accident. He wanted to savour Tobias, his every movement, reaction and every word from his lips. He also knew it would piss him off, to have him so close, in a space he thought he was safe, to see his face. But, Keller also knew it would force Tobias to listen to him, to remember what they once had, to see that Keller was on his side.

Keller relaxed into his seat next to Ryan, with Cyril, beside, far away in his own world. He had an unusual level of respect for Ryan, perhaps because they were similar; both were willing to do what was necessary to get what they wanted. He glanced over at Beecher before flashing a wide smirk and uttered to O’Reily, ‘wonder what’s eating him?’

Ryan leaned across and whispered ‘I thought that was why you came back.’

‘Nah,  didn’t want the Aryans to think I was punking out.’

‘So it wasn’t because you missed Beecher?’ O`Reily asked poignantly

Keller paused, he glared at O`Reily, ‘I could say the same for you and that hot doctor.... Gloria is it? She seems nice,’ he responded with a hint of flirtation.

‘You leave her out of this,’ Ryan coldly indicated through gritted teeth.

‘Only if you leave Beecher out of this,’ Keller equally retorted.

Across the room Tobias surveyed the group, full of the same faces, bar one Keller.

_Why is he here?  What is he up to?_

_Why can’t he just let me have something to myself, why did he pop up here? I thought I was here._

Tobias sat uneasily in his chair he loathed this latest mind game of Keller’s, it threw him back into the clutches of being a victim, a label he had been desperate to escae from. _What does this asshole think he will achieve?_

Beecher was contemplating if he should leave as Sister Pete chimed, ‘Great to see so many of you again. Can I remind you these sessions are not compulsory, but to aid your rehabilitation. That all said, I`m sure you have all noticed anyway, please welcome Chris Keller who has joined us.’

The room flooded with an edgy atmosphere and it was clear why. Keller had a talent of making everyone uncomfortable without emitting a word or moving a single muscle. No one felt that more than Tobias and Keller knew it!

Sister Pete turned her attention to Beecher, to see his reaction. When Keller first suggested the idea, she wasn’t sure what Tobias would do. When she saw his eyes filled with anger, she thought that maybe it was a mistake. But there was noting that could be changed, like it or not Keller was staying and Beecher needed to manage his feelings in any situation.

‘Sooo...would anyone like to go first?’ she looked around the room, the usual look of disinterest. Sister Pete knew that most of them were there to help boost their parole prospects, desperate men are willing to do drastic things for their freedom.She had one small glimmer of hope, in the shape of Tobias Beecher and Augustus Hill.  

Beecher had longstanding difficultly with alcohol. It was this addiction that landed him in Oz in the first place. Sure enough it was Oz that introduced Beecher to the heroin that he became addicted to.  As for Hill, his addictions robbed him of his wife, his legs and his whole life. It wasn’t until he got to Oz, he realised that the way he lived his life before didn’t work. He knew he needed to find a better way.  They saw the programme for what it was, a way to learn to cope with temptations in their future sobriety.

She was growing impatient; as she looked around the room she saw a group of men hiding like schoolboys when the teacher asks them a question.  ‘Come on we haven’t got all day,’ she felt increasingly frustrated. She’d given up her time to help these men, not babysit them. She had patients in solitary to give counsel to, papers to draft for the governor, and provide religious guidance to those in need. Finally, just as she was about to pick on someone, she heard a throat clearing. Everyone’s gaze shifted to the individual...Keller.

‘What the fuck have you got to say,’ Tobias murmured, assuming no one had heard him. Keller had and he knew just how to play it.

‘I`m sure some of you are surprised to see me here...’ Keller threw a lingering look at Tobias, their eye met for a flicker before Tobias looked away. Keller smiled broadly, as he continued,

‘Not as surprised as I am.’ He chuckled, ‘never thought I’d be here either. I mean come on look at me, I`m sure you’ve heard about some of the things I`ve done.’ He quickly scanned the room; unfortunately for him this seemed to be the one place where his overt self- confidence tricks wouldn’t work. Keller could feel the rest of the group and Sister Pete look at him, just like his mother used to;  the look of who the fuck do you think you are. He quickly forced the image of his mother’s face out of his head. He needed a different approach; one that wasn’t so Keller, _stating the obvious won’t work on this crowd._

He paused and bowed his head for a moment, as he raised it again his whole expression had changed. He looked more remorseful, sorrowful; a look he’d seen Tobias do so many times before, ‘Look, I know I’ve done some fucked up things.’

Keller viewed his audience, who seemed more receptive to this approach. But it didn’t matter to him if they believed him of not, he was more interested in Beecher and Sister Pete. Everyone else was just background interference.

‘Some of them I’ve done to people in this group, some I’ve repeatedly messed with.’  He threw fleeting looks at pervious targets, to highlight to the rest of the group exactly who they were and what he had done. Before he continued he flashed another look at Beecher, before settling on Sister Pete,

‘I guess, I`m here because I wanna fix what I did, I wanna make up for my past. I now see that my many...many drug and alcohol binges landed my ass here.’   _A page straight out of Toby’s book_ , he thought.

Beecher glared at Keller. He couldn’t wrap his head around what exactly he was up to. He’d tried to persuade him to come to group before but he’d always make some remark about it being for pussys, and how he didn’t have a problem so it would be a waste of his time. Of course what Beecher didn’t know at the time was that Keller used that time to update Schillinger on Operation Toby.

 _Bullshit_ , Beecher always thought when he heard him state that he didn’t have a problem. He thought he knew what Keller’s problem was; and it wasn’t as simple as a drugs or drink. It was simple and complicated at the same time, Keller was addicted to power and control. He would get a rush from making others dance to his words; manipulate them into his web of intensity and make it impossible to escape from it. It was the most dangerous problem of all, to Beecher, because there was no escape from it.

As Beecher watched Keller, he wondered if these so called, ‘heartfelt admittances’ would be coming from his mouth if one or two of Schillinger’s loyal followers were sitting in on this revelation.

Luckily for Keller the group was free of Aryans or Aryan sympathisers. He knew better than most that talking about emotion around the likes of Schillinger is basically asking to be turned into a prag.  He wasn’t going to let that happen, he never had been or ever will be a prag. Keller had heard enough of Schillinger’s treatment of prags from Beecher. Surprisingly he was initially impressed but now Keller had to resist the urge to shank Schillinger whenever he saw him.

Watching Keller manipulate the room to do his bidding further infuriated Beecher. As he sat there taking it all in; he could escape the question why. From what he knew of Keller forgiveness wasn’t exactly high on his agenda; manipulation, harassment even torture but definitely not forgiveness.

Once Keller had stopped rattling off some bogus story that he he’d probably ripped off from Lifetime; he couldn’t control his anger any longer,

‘So what is the reason for this miraculous transformation? Surely you haven’t found God?’ Tobias quipped causing the room to smirk and chuckle.

‘Tobias,’ Peter Marie began in an angry tone, she felt like she was speaking to a petulant child.

‘What I`m just curious, can’t a guy just be curious about his motives.’ Tobias innocently answered, before he slumped into his chair, defeated.

‘Don’t be so childish Beecher. I don’t need a God to tell me what I should or shouldn’t do. Your proof enough that God isn’t interested in us, let’s face it, when was the last time he heard anything from your lips.’  Keller smiled intently at his audience it was almost entertaining.

‘I`ve come to the conclusion that my life would be better without the drugs because being on them had landed me in this charming facility for the next 50 or so years.’ He mechanically smiled.

‘Funny how you didn’t say drink.’ Beecher chimed in, quickly followed by a scowl from Sister Pete.

Keller chose to ignore Beecher; he was much more interested in Sister Pete’s reaction to what was unravelling. He saw that she wasn’t impressed with his attitude so he quickly changed tact,

‘I know I`m looking at walking out of here with the help of a walker, but it’s this recent trip that has made me wake up to my mistakes.’ He paused and fleetingly lowered his head. As he lifted it back up he clocked Beecher’s reaction.

 _Oh he is going to be pissed._ Keller smiled to himself. _Well... I can think of a worse way to spend an evening...staring at a brooding Toby in the mirror._

He used the images to reassure himself that his plan was working and that Beecher still loved him, somehow.  Plus, it helped fuel his erotic fantasies as Beecher slept.

Ryan leaned and said in a hushed tone ‘Laying it on a bit thick aren’t you Keller?’

‘It needs to be convincing.’

‘Well, he doesn’t look impressed.’ 

‘Fuck you. Anyway it’s not all about him you know’

‘I guess good old Beecher is the only touchy one today. Careful Keller, your risking looking soft.

Keller seethed, ‘Fuck you...ya fuck.’

‘Thank you Kris, I think that’s enough from you for now,’ Sister Pete chimed, just as Keller was about to get out of his chair and punch O’Reily, ‘by sharing with the group, you’ve made a brave first step towards your recovery.’

‘Thank you Sister,’ Keller cooed as he slunk further down into his chair. He was enjoying the spectacle he was creating. He saw Toby’s eyes smoulder with rage.

 _Perhaps this wasn’t my best plan_ , Keller thought.

‘Now, would anyone else like to share?’

Sister Pete surveyed the room, all she could see was grown men doing everything in their power to avoid eye contact. It was almost pathetic to see that level of squirming from a bunch of criminals.

She sighed, ‘Come on, it’s not like I`m asking the earth here.’

They continued to shy away from her.

‘Anyone? No...I`m not asking for a life history...just a word or two.’

She spotted someone straighten up in their chair, her Mr dependable. Beecher.  He`d always came to her rescue in times of crisis. She smiled at him before asking,

‘Would you like to add anything Tobias?’

Tobias took a sweeping look around the group, only to be greeted with a universal look of boredom; barring Keller who was using a variety of tricks to mind fuck with him.

‘Yes, umm I`ll keep this short, we’re all a bit tired after Keller’s life history.Umm, so, as you all know coming to OZ was a difficult experience for me. As I have said before I thought I was going to win my appeal, of course I didn’t. So once I ended up here I was certain that I wasn’t going to survive in this place,’he paused for a moment,

‘And I almost didn’t,’ he gave O`Reily a passing glance. He reciprocated with a nod, signalling that he knew exactly what Beecher meant. After all Ryan had kick started his drug addiction in the first place.

‘Until I joined this group, in a way it saved me’ Beecher stopped once more; he’d learnt to suppress his emotions in public through skilful pausing. So far it had helped, particularly in situations like these. It didn’t matter to him what the others thought, what mattered was Beecher believed he was getting better.   When he ready, he continued,

‘Now recently I was tempted to start using again, particularly with all the pain my injuries caused.’  He glared at Keller who shot him an innocent, yet smug ‘you can’t blame me for that’ grin.

‘But, since coming to group I know I’m stronger and I continue to avoid temptation and focus on the kind of dad I want to be for my kids when I get out of here.’ Once again he fixed his attention on Keller, to ensure his message was clear; you’re not going to stop me from getting out and beingwith my kids.

Keller matched his stare, and upped the stakes with the slight smile he knew killed. He understood how much Beecher’s his kids meant to him, but he often sabotaged the little time he got with them, perhaps to protect them from Oz. One principle Keller always stuck to was to never jeopardise Beecher’s time with his kids; he couldn’t allow any child to suffer like he did. He recognised that Beecher’s kids were his salvation, as he’d once told him how his parents had pressured him to be a lawyer and how he’d inherit the family firm. Keller always saw a deep sadness in Beecher, of a life not lived; just existing. _No wonder he went off the rails._

‘Ok,’ Sister Pete could feel the tension between Beecher and Keller, ‘thank you for sharing with us. Unfortunately we have run out of time for this session. Who’d like to close the session today? Cyril?’

Cyril turned round looking lost and quietly mumbled, ‘erm no,’ Ryan prodded him, a reminder of his manners, ‘thank you.’

‘Ok Cyril. Ryan?’

‘I think I`ll pass, thanks,’ he said with a curt smile, ‘not really in the mood to share.’

‘In that case I think we will leave it there, until next week gentlemen. And remember if you need anything you know where my office is.’ Sister Pete called as the prisoners began to make their way out of the canteen.

************************************************************

_Redemption can mean so many things, a second chance, another try, a last hurrah; the opportunity to prove yourself right...or wrong._

_Outside of Oz there’s people who don’t think we deserve redemption. They think we should be locked in our cells with bread and water. Then others tell the world that being here isn’t our fault and need all the help we can get to be better citizens._

_Now, I`m no do gooder nor a fire and brimstone kinda guy. For us guests of OZ true redemption is being outside, feeling the sun, breathing the free air; shit even having our name back........_

**Prisoner #95H522**


	8. Moving forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beecher attends his first therapy session with Sister Pete.  
> He clearly has other things on his mind.

_Why did I agree to this?_ Tobias thought as he walked towards Sister Pete’s office. He had made this trip a million times before, in the past three years. Today felt like the slowest walk in history.

Before coming to Oz, Tobias thought that therapy was a waste of money and time; his father tried to send him once, for his alcohol dependence. He didn’t think he had a problem; he thought his father had the problem. He’d often used it in his court cases to get his clients leaner sentences. He wasn’t proud of himself for this tactic but it had an unusually high success rate.

As he got closer, her words rang in his ears; ‘think about your children, what will you do when they ask about their mother?  How will you manage any difficulties in the long term?'

It was true; he’d been living a fantasy. He thought everything would go back to normal after his parole; he could be a stable father to his children. But the reality was, his children barely knew him, his parents had been raising them. Not to mention that Harry, his youngest, had no memory of him outside of Oz,

Abruptly, he stopped, he realised he had three years before he could be considered for parole; 3 more Birthdays, 3 more Christmases, and countless other milestones. He was tired of hearing about them during visits, reading about them in letters and seeing them in pictures.

‘Move it, Beecher.’ He heard a Co bark.

Finally he reached Sister Pete’s office; he felt nervous. He didn’t know what to expect, or what would come out. Since coming to Oz, Tobias had learnt to suppress his emotions. He was apprehensive of what might be revealed.  He knocked on the door, even though it was ajar.

Sister Pete was working on some papers, without looking up she said, ‘Tobias you didn’t need to knock.’

‘Good morning Pete,’ he said, somewhat embarrassed, as he walked in.

She looked up, stopped what she was doing, smiled and motioned him in, ‘morning Tobias. Sit down.’

‘Thank you,’ he responded as he took a seat. He leaned into the chair but was visibly feeling awkward.

‘Tobias, relax. I`m here to help you, whatever it is you feel you need.’ She took a breath, ‘but just to be clear if you say anything I feel the warden or the medical team should know I am obligated to tell them.’

‘Got it,’ he curtly said. He’d heard this spiel countless times before, as other prisoners came to speak with her all the time; he usually got sent on an a errand before they got to the personal stuff.     

‘So what’s first Sister?  Childhood... adolescent...college...last year... last month...last week...yesterday...’ Tobias sarcastically asked. He wanted to make it clear that he didn’t think this ‘process’ was going to work.

‘Tobias, if you’re going to take that tone ...we can just forget about this.’

 _That’s what he would want me to do_ , he thought.

Part of his resistance came from the fact that this session had a distinctly Keller feel about it; as if he had suggested this enlightened idea to her. She knew Tobias’s thoughts about therapy, last time he almost ended up in solitary for trashing her office.

‘Maybe we could start with my anger issues or do you think it would take up too much time.’’

‘Do you think you’re an angry person?’ Sister Pete interjected

‘I don’t know...do you?’ He snapped.

‘I think that you have experienced extreme emotional trauma, since coming to Oz. This has been complicated by the social and physical restraints you have been subjected to.  It’s only natural that you would be angry as you are unable to release it in a controlled way.’

She allowed him to digest that information before continuing,

‘A day in Oz can feel like a lifetime especially if your life was so different before.’

 She leaned across a little, ‘tell me, what would’ve you done if you’d had this emotional battle outside of here.’

 _What a ridiculous question_  he thought.

The answer was glaringly clear to them both. It was the reason he was here. He didn’t want to admit it. He didn’t want to talk about it. Tobias knew he had a very complex relationship with alcohol; it had been his friend, comfort and enemy for most of his adult life. He wasn’t sure how, when or if he wanted to discuss that. He tried to remain calm.

‘To be honest Sister I don’t know if I could’ve survived this, if I wasn’t in Oz. But if I wasn’t in Oz none of these traumas would have happened.’

‘So maybe that wasn’t a good example to start with,’ Sister Pete said, slightly deflated.

‘To start with,’ Tobias asked incredulously, ‘What do you mean to start with? I think we just discussed that you cannot compare anything that goes on in here against my life before, ’he said in a childlike strop.

Sister Pete was having none of it. She had dealt with stroppy prisoners before; Oz had the capacity to reduce men to their child-like selves. Perhaps it was the level of routine and being told what to do; although they routinely rebelled against the rules where possible.

‘Tobias, we need to work through your past so we can build on your future. So I think we should move onto the accident and why you are here.’

‘Kathy,’ his childish expression quickly evaporated. They both knew he didn’t go a day without thinking about her lifeless body on the bonnet of his car, the blood curdling scream and the thud, he sighed.

‘I relive that day over and over. I’ll carry that with me for the rest of my life.’

‘And how does that make you feel?’ Sister Pete asked

‘I deserve that as a punishment. I mean yes I am serving my sentence. But, eventually I’ll get out and return to my normal life...with my family.’ He took a moment to envisage the day of his release and how his children would be waiting. ‘Once we leave prison life goes back to ‘normal’ and you forget what happened here. That recurring nightmare, I have, will never let me forget what I did.’

Tobias paused for a moment, ‘I took a girl’s life, I don’t think anyone deserves or should be allowed to forget something like that.’

‘But surely you can be forgiven.’ Sister Pete stretched out her hand across the table, an offer of support. She hadn’t heard Tobias talk about his emotions like this. He was more complex then she first considered. Perhaps Keller was right; he needed to address his past to have a chance at a future.

‘Why...why do we deserve forgiveness,’ he stuttered, ‘we are awful people, Sister, who do awful things. We deserve the punishments we are given.’

He may have been willing to accept that he will not be forgiven for Kathy’s death but he also had the baggage of killing Metzger, assaulting Schillinger and falling in love with a monster.  Inside he knew that he could never share his motives for killing Metzger, even though most of Oz was over joyed to see his demise.

‘People like you, Tobias, deserve to be forgiven; you are clearly remorseful about that little girl’s death. That is the first step; psychologically speaking your mind is forcing you to address Kathy’s death. You need to release all the emotion you have bottled up inside.’

‘Sounds very...err...fascinating, Sister but what makes you think I am ready or willing to make this change?’ Tobias cynically stated.

 ‘Your children,’ she replied, ‘last time you were only thinking of yourself; and let’s face it; you were taking large amounts of heroin and drinking moonshine.’

‘Careful where you get your information from,’ Tobias defensively cut in.

‘It’s ok, I`m not here to judge you. You had a lot going on at the time and the drugs and alcohol were your means of escape.’

‘All I can remember was being in the hole...and then the infirmary. I`m telling you Pete; withdrawal in the hole is no fucking picnic....but that’s part of my punishment.’

‘Oh Tobias,’ she defeated sighed, ‘what can I do or say to prove to you that you deserve to forgive yourself. I don’t understand why you won’t give yourself the chance.’

‘I have become the thing I defended against. I have become the guilty and nothing will change that.’

 _Over ridding self-loathing prevents any prospect of absolution_ , she wrote in his file, _preventing his ability to move forward._

She looked back up from the file and saw that Tobias was becoming very anxious and squirmed in his seat. Sister Pete instinctively felt the need to reassure him.

‘I`m not going to tell you the road to recovery is going to be easy. As you are aware from your Drug Rehabilitation sessions, you need to be receptive to these sessions. I`m not saying you will accept all  that I have to say, but trust me you will conquer this loathing you have , order to have the future you want. You can’t let Oz stop you from living.’

‘Thank you for trying to be reassuring but I just don’t believe that I will be able to carry on my life.’

He sank into the chair; this whole experience had exhausted him. He thought therapy was just talking about crap, but once again Sister Pete had proved him wrong or at least he hoped Sister Pete was behind it.

As Tobias sank further into the chair, he pondered the possibilities; he did need help, he wanted to be a better man but most of all a better father. Nonetheless, Tobias also desperately wanted to put his feelings towards Keller under lock and key.

 _I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for that session,_  he thought to himself.

As Sister Pete wrote up her remaining thoughts, she glanced up to see the exhausted figure falling deeper and deeper into the chair.

‘Ok, that’s all for today. You have done really well. How do you feel about scheduling our next session, say Friday? 3 pm?’

‘Let me check my calendar,’ he mockingly uttered, ‘three is great, more time away from Keller.’

Sister Pete glared at him, ‘Tobias what have we just talked about....I am not saying you pretend everything was like it was before, with Keller. Frankly it won’t and shouldn’t be but you need to give some give.’

She got out of her chair and headed toward the door. Instinctively Tobias got up and began to walk toward the door. He stopped and shook her hand,

‘Thank you Pete, you always know when we need help.’

She smiled, ‘thank you Tobias, but it’s not entirely down to me.’

Tobias’s tone lowered and growled, ‘Keller...the scheming...good for nothing...son of a...’

‘Goodbye Tobias,’ she shot him a look of that’s enough now.

‘Sister’

As he continued to walk back to Em City, Tobias began to think about Keller’s role in getting him into therapy. What elaborate trick was he working on? Was he planning to build him up only to break him... again?

‘Nah, he wouldn’t do that twice, it would be too obvious.’

 _She said I'm a survivor...she has never said that about a prisoner before....where did she get that thought from?_ He carried on walking and then he realised,

_Keller. Had he been telling her things about the two of us? Had he told her he called himself a survivor? Or was it purely a coincidence. So what is it, what sick and twisted trick could this be?  All I ever did was trust him, fall in love with him.... I thought he loved me. He lied about that, he only loves himself. If he could lie about loving me then he can lie about anything._

‘God I`m so conflicted. I have so many different feelings about him, one minute I imagine that kiss then the next I see his eyes gleam as he is broke my arms.’


	9. Eye of the beholder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keller and O`Reily are comparing notes in the laundry room.  
> Just what is it two manipulative obsessives have to talk about.

‘Dum...de....dum...dum...,’ Keller hummed to himself as he stood in the laundry room. He had positioned himself unusually close to the vibrating machines as they swirled and whirled the clothes.

‘Closet thing I`m going to get for the foreseeable,’ a pleasurable grin framed his face. He enjoyed being in the laundry room. It was special; his first and only kiss with Toby. Keller would do the whole prison’s laundry if he could just have Beecher with him, again. He drifted off into his fantasy, as the door swung open.

‘Keller will you stop molesting the washing machine. You’ll get a rep for that...amongst other things.’

Keller quickly resumed his hardened outer exterior and moved slightly back from the machine but he could still feel it pulsate.

‘What do you want O’Reily?’ He gruffly asked

‘From you Keller... nothing; I`m not here for any deals, favours, or trades; just to do mine and Cyril’s clothes’

‘Huh, an innocent trip to the laundry room. Who’d have thought it,’ he slyly said.

‘Whatever you were doing wasn’t innocent. What’s the idea Keller, not even the fags in here do what you were doing.’

‘Fuck you O’Reily; you have no idea what I was doing.’

‘Jerking off without your hand is what it looked like,’ O’Reily smirked.

‘Well we can’t all be good Irish boys like you ey?’ He turned so his back lent on the machine. ‘Speaking of behaving like a good boy how is the doctor...’ he began to lift his lip into a suggestive smile, ‘Gloria right?’

O’Reily grimaced, ‘Mother fucker..... I don’t know what you mean.’

‘Oh sure you do, it’s no secret that you moon over her.’  He walked over to O’Reily and stood uncomfortably close to him, ‘I know you have something of hers that... huh...gets...you...excited.’ Keller over emphasised the word excited, he then stepped back to the machines.

O’Reily knew exactly the object he meant, Gloria’s stethoscope. _How the fuck did he know about that_ , O’Reily thought, _I need to keep a closer eye on him._

O’Reily intrigued Keller; sexually he wasn’t his type, too obstinate and high maintenance. Although, O’Reily’s manipulation of the prisoners and guards was impressive, but he lacked the finesse to completely remove himself from any involvement. A skill Keller had spent years perfecting through his cons.

O`Reily slammed the machine meeting Keller’s smirk with a stark stare. The awkward silence bellowed through the room. The machines chimed their whirl and swirl. The two men continued to size each other up, despite the seemingly warm home coming all those weeks ago.

O`Reily was wary of him and for good reason. He had never seen a criminal like Keller before. He’d seen how he lured Beecher in with his charms; only too happily, and from what he had heard, without logical reason, snap his bones into little bits. Finally, O’Reily couldn’t take it anymore, silence had always unnerved him; even as a child he knew something bad would happen just after a long silence.

‘There’s something that bothers me about you Keller.’

Keller tensed up; he didn’t like the tone in O’Reily’s voice. It was the tone he had heard before, only they weren’t alive to retell their tales.

‘Oh yer, what’s that?’ He smoothly said, all the while thinking; if things weren’t going his way how would he dispose of O`Reily quietly and cleanly. Keller’s number one rule was to ensure anything involving him didn’t come back.

O’Reily relaxed his back on a vacant machine, slouching down. He had learned to catch his victim off guard; people are more likely to trust what you are saying that way. Unfortunately, his tricks only seemed to work on his fellow prisoners. Despite his best efforts he still couldn’t get Gloria to forgive let alone love him.

‘What’s up with you and Beecher?’ He asked coyly

Keller’s eyebrow rose, ‘what are you getting at O`Reily?’

‘It just interests me how you seem to be in each other’s pockets then you’re sending him to the infirmary by rearranging his skeleton for him. It makes a guy, like me, wonder. What hold does someone have to do that?’ His shark like grin appeared.

Keller stood away from the machine and stood directly in front of O’Reily; he leant in closer to his ear and sinisterly whispered; ‘now why does someone like you want to know that? Huh?’

Before O`Reily had the time to answer Keller had returned to his original position by his machine. Finally, O`Reily said,

‘Me and Beecher go way back, you see. I was there when Schillinger and this shit hole fucked him up last time. So I have what you might call a...vested interest.’

‘Yer, Beecher told me how you supplied him with enough to keep him shit faced and numb from it all,’ Keller paused momentarily, ‘so was it you that put Beecher up to the umm unfortunate...incident with Schillinger...the dumbbell...and the shit.’ He asked curiously.

O`Reily gave a small laugh and smirk. He had forgotten about that incident since Cyril had arrived in Oz; all of his time had been taken up by keeping him safe and his schemes to get Gloria.

‘Nah, I only supplied him with the stuff; it was all his idea to get his revenge.’

‘No evidence, no proof,’ Keller answered.

Silence resumed only to be broken by Keller transferring his laundry from the washer to the dryer.

‘Keller... why did you do it,’ O`Reily asked intriguingly

‘What do you mean,’ he responded defensively

‘Why did you trick Beecher the way you did,’

‘I owed someone my life, simple as that.’ Keller said coldly

‘Schillinger,’ O’Reily looked enraged, ‘that mother fucker. I should’ve known that fucker was behind this. So that’s why Beecher calls you lapdog...huh...makes sense.’

‘Fuck you. I owed Schillinger after he saved me from some cock sucker when I was at Lardner. I owe him nothing now,’ he turned away ‘if only Beecher could see that.’

‘I knew it;’ O`Reily exclaimed ‘I knew you were one of them.’

Keller spun back round and grabbed O`Reily by the throat. ‘I am no fag, not now...not ever. Do you understand?’ His face was expressionless.

O`Reily nodded in acceptance of this fact, although he was struggling for air. Keller slowly released his grip. As O`Reily took a deep breath he rasped, ‘so what is it about Beecher then, if you aren’t...’

‘It’s just different. You spend all your time with someone and you get attached, that’s all. It not like I`ve fucked the guy.’

‘Huh... now isn’t that funny. I just assumed you had.’ O`Reily’s glint had returned.

‘Not sure my ex-wives would appreciate that.’ Keller joked.

‘So now you want your...what would you call it... prison non-wife back, how come?’

‘Same reason you’re desperate to have Gloria.’  Keller exhaled

‘You just said you didn’t want to fuck him.’

‘That’s not really why you want Gloria, you little Irish fucker. You want someone to care about you. It’s the only hope we have in this shit hole.

‘Very philosophical Keller, what makes you so sure Beecher gives a fuck about you.’

‘I have my ways O`Reily...’Keller tailed off.

‘Care to share?’ O’Reily had seen how Beecher would stare at Keller, since he returned, when he thought no one was looking; it was a combination of intense rage and disgust. But more recently Beecher had a kind of warmth on his face, almost like he was pleased to see him...just like before

Keller looked puzzled, _what does this guy want_? ‘Why are you so interested?’

‘I`ve seen how Beecher is looking at you again, like a lost puppy. Personally it’s sickening, but I have tried everything I can to get Gloria...but she hates me.’

‘Might have something to do with the fact that you got your brother to kill her husband,’ he lowered his voice ‘it makes you wonder doesn’t it.’

‘Slight miscalculation, I thought she didn’t show me how much she loved me because of her husband. So I had the husband removed and instead of that sexy creature.... I ended up with more time in Oz and my little brother.’ O’Reily looked a little defeated. Keller fed on the vulnerable.

‘That’s tough,’ Keller took a deep breath out, ‘I’ll give you a trick, but that’s it O`Reily and then you’re on your own.’

‘What do you want in return?’ O`Reily’s confident persona had perked up a little.

‘Let’s just say you owe me,’ Keller flashed him a wide grin, ‘Now let me tell you about Bonnie. One night I came back from a scam and there she was sitting on the couch waiting. Two bags packed beside her,’ he grinned, ‘Bonnie was always a bit dramatic, a bit like Beecher really. So anyway, she’d decided she was going to leave me, again, but she didn’t have the heart to just up and leave so she waited for me. That’s when I knew that she still cared. If she didn’t give a shit, she would’ve just walked out the door right.’

‘Let me guess you kissed and made up right like with Beecher.’ O`Reily cut in.

Keller glared at him, ‘is this your fucking story, or do you want my help. Anyway, there she was ready to go, when I uttered those three words that I knew would lure her back,’

‘Aww how sweet you told her you loved her,’ O`Reily chuckled

‘Fuck you, that won’t work with emotionally damaged people like Bonnie. I knew she had heard that hundreds of times before and they’d still leave her. Nah the trick for Bonnie was I...need...you. Once she heard those words she was putty in my hands. You need to show the person you’re after that they need you and if that requires some careful story telling then who am I to judge.’

‘So what you’re saying is.....’

‘Stop sniffing around her like you have seconds to live. You need to show her that she needs you like you need her. You’ve only shown her that you are like a little kid who lashes out when he doesn’t get his own way.’

The door swung open, propped in the door way was Officer Murphy,

‘Everything ok in here?’ He shot sweeping glances at Keller and O`Reily.

‘Fine, just chit chatting,’ O`Reily gave Murphy a reassuring nod, ‘See you around Keller.’

‘Like it’s that easy, little fucker,’ Keller was alone in his laundry room once again.

‘Very careful story telling...’ he smirked once more ‘like it’s that easy.’


	10. Therapy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keller's latest session with Sister Peter Marie.  
> What is he up to?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to every one who has read, commented, given kudos and subscribed to this piece of work. I`m glad you are enjoying it. Hope this latest installment is enjoyable.
> 
> Some of the statements made in this chapter, are an attempt to keep in line with Chris's character, they do not reflect my personal views and opinions.

‘The fact is I`m a disgusting human being, sister. Do you think I like the fact I’ve slept with men? That I go looking for young...attractive men to fuck.’

His intense presence consumed the room. He recognised that she was looking sympathetically at him.

‘Do you like sleeping with men?’ Sister Pete uncomfortably asked.

He stared at her and enigmatically said, ‘your lucky sister...’  He glanced up at the painting above her head, ‘I guess it’s a sin for nun’s to think about sex....’

Some sessions had gone by since Keller had first sat with Sister Pete. His plan had fallen into place beautifully, apart from Tobias still refused to meet with him. He had changed tact slightly over time, realising that pure bullshit wasn’t going to work, so Keller had decided to add bits of real life into it. A very very small part of Keller wanted to understand his thoughts and besides it was all part of keeping himself entertained.

 ‘Your avoiding the question Chris,’ She absentmindedly began twisting her wedding ring around her finger, ‘Do you like having sex with men?

Keller tried to laugh off her question, whilst he watched her twist her wedding ring, ‘I like sex... I like the power play of it all.’

He leaned forward resting his crossed arms on the table ‘before you were a nun you were married, right? Did you and your husband enjoy good sex? ’

‘Chris,’ Sister Pete interrupted

‘I bet you were wild. Do you miss it....sex I mean.’ He raised his hand to his chin. Posing like he was listening. He was merely figuring out what buttons to press

Sister Pete intently watched his confident demeanour. She was in the unique position of counselling both men and seeing how one made the other tick. She had seen the effect Keller had on Tobias; how he was a giddy little puppy after he kissed Keller, how desolate he was when Keller had cast him side. He was a very clever man, and she knew it. She couldn’t deny that Keller was physically attractive, she’d noticed that more often then she cared to admit.  As she sat there taking in what he’d said and trying to ignore his ridicule of her religion, she realised Keller had made a genuine break through.

‘Chris do you understand how important those words, you just said, are?’

 _Of course,_ he thought, _question is will you._

Keller tried his best to look innocent and replied, ‘could you explain it, to me’ he gave a small grin.

‘So up until now you have only talked about your relationships with your ex-wives. Today, today you have said something very personal; how you feel about yourself.’

Keller sat up a little straighter, ‘and what does that mean?’ He asked curiously.

‘Well, the fact that you referred to yourself in such a manner. The emotions and feelings each of us have are personal to us alone; I`m curious to explore why you see yourself, as you put it, as disgusting.’

Keller leaned closer to her desk, dominating the space; he watched her face for a few moments, then fractionally lowered his eyebrows and his eyes narrowed,

‘Your God must have a view on this.... wouldn’t he smite me or something like that,’ His grin began to widen, _what is she going to do now_. He slouched back; his stare began to burn into her.

‘It’s true the Bible has a passage about men lying together but like most things everything is down to interpretation,’ she could feel herself starting to blush a little. She knew that many of the men in Oz had slept together for reasons only known to them.

‘Do you trust your God?’

‘Excuse me,’ she looked puzzled.

‘You took a vow to serve someone/something you can’t see. Doesn’t it get kind of lonely? Let’s not even mention the bigamy. All nuns are married to god right?’

‘It doesn’t quiet work like that Chris.’

Keller’s face brightened, leaning back in, ‘what’s it like?’ He suggestively said.

Sister Pete glared at him for a moment, she could see what he was trying to achieve,

‘Chris, every time we talk about a topic your uncomfortable with or want to avoid, you somehow manage to turn the discussion onto me and my faith.’

His facial expression changed once more, to a wide grin and a confident smirk, ‘... you noticed huh.’

 He slouched back in his chair, _she’s no fun today._

‘I`m interested to know why anyone would give up sex, for something you can’t see.’

His wink made her feel uncomfortable, since her husband’s death she hadn’t really thought about sex.

‘Chris, if you want my help you need to take this seriously. Now can we get back to you? I`ve been looking through your file and I have to say you have led a complex life. I`m astonished your still alive.’

‘I`m pretty nimble when it comes to staying alive’

Sister Pete looked back to the file, ‘yes I see that, including impersonating an officer in ... Massachusetts.’

‘It was a slow day.’

‘Chris, can you see the problem with that.’

He folded his arms and laid them on his chest. Keller tended to look quiet intimidating, as well as defensive, in this position. ‘I thought it was fun, it’s dangerous when I get bored,’ he added a slightly sinister twang to his words.

Sister Pete didn’t seem to be deterred or if she did she hid it well. He continued, ’It’s not like I arrested anyone.’

‘You told people you were checking licenses, but would forget about it for a small fee.’

Keller smiled, ‘It wasn’t my fault they believed me.’

‘I`m sure Milgram would be impressed,’ she saw Keller’s confusion which led her to explain, ‘he was a psychologist, in 1963, who proved that people are more likely follow orders from a person in an authoritative uniform.’

‘How about that,’ Keller gleefully muttered.

_One more trick to add to my collection; if I ever get to use it_

‘So I can control unsuspecting people,’ he paused, had a glance at her expression,‘of course as a trained professional you can identify such simple tricks. You can tell when prisoners try to convince you they are changed men.’

‘I must say I am impressed Kris, so tell me why do think you avoid talking about yourself.’ Sister Peter smiled a little as she leant back in her chair, awaiting his answer.

‘I`m quiet boring really, I`d much rather talk about other things.’ He proffered flirtatiously, ‘as you can see from my file, my family life is nowhere near perfect.’ Keller decided to break for dramatic effect, _thank you Toby_.

He began to handle the trinkets on Sister Pete’s desk, as he usually did by this point in the session. He had realised quiet early on that she found it difficult to witness such a thing, and Keller enjoyed the simplicity of the objects that Oz had deprived him access to.

‘That’s why I find prison so comforting. Sure the hacks try to break you but there are moments when you see them miss something and then...too late.’ He mimicked a neck being sliced open, using his finger.

Sister Pete shuddered, before asking ‘you first went to Lardner at 18?’

’17, the judge thought my crime was too severe for juvenile detention so decided Lardner was a better fit,’ he chuckled ‘he hoped it would scare me straight.’

‘And it was there you met Vern Schillinger. Is it true you shared a cell him.’

Keller’s demeanour and expression drastically shifted; his eyes darkened, his mouth tensed. Sister Pete could see that she struck a nerve and not even a man like Kristopher Keller could disguise it.

Keller flippantly, yet with a chilling stare, said, ‘Yer, so we were in prison together at the same time...means nothing.’

‘He saved your life?’ She asked

‘Twice,’ Keller responded, looking uncharacteristically uncomfortable.

‘Did you have sex?’

Keller scowled at her before answering, ‘Yep.’

Knowing Schillinger’s history since coming to Oz, Sister Pete felt she needed to ask, ‘Did he force himself on you?’

Keller childishly smiled at her; she had no idea what Schillinger was like in the dark. She wouldn’t understand that the first time Kris slept with Schillinger it was almost as violent as what Schillinger had done to Beecher. The only difference was; Keller had slept with older men before, so was used to the pain.

‘Vern likes the power during sex, so I let him think it. No big deal, he saved my life.....and the other Aryan fucks left me alone.’

‘Schillinger was very influential at Lardner. So it actually means a great deal from what I can understand.’

‘Means nothing now, Sister... times have changed.’ Keller sat there brooding; he didn’t like how the game was being played today. He glanced at the clock,

 _20 minutes till Toby gets here._ Keller enjoyed their fleeting flirtations it showed him that the plan was worth the effort...Toby was always worth the effort.

His cold stare remained focused on her, he was trying to contain his rage that was aching to be released, ‘so,’ he huffed, ‘what’s your point.’

Sister Pete was determined to get the information that she wanted.  ‘My point is; did that relationship develop into any significance... like yours and Beecher’s.’

Keller snorted in disgust, ‘what the fuck, are you saying. If you want to talk about messed up fuckers then Vern Schillinger would be example number one. I shared share a cell with him... yer, I had to put up with him fucking my asshole whenever he felt like, but there was nothing emotional, it was nothing but survival.’

 _Even if there was you won’t be hearing it from me, some things should be left buried,_ he thought.

‘Was he aware that you had an interest in men and women?’

‘Have you met Schillinger; Aryan....head case? Do you think we shared things like that?’ He said incredulously, ‘the most riveting conversation we ever had involved centre folds from skin mags.... there was one thing I learnt from Schillinger though and that was you need to do what you can to survive,’ he paused once more, he lowered his head marginally ‘if that meant playing games in the dark then so be it.’

Sister Peter could finally connect the dots of why Keller loathed himself as much as he appeared to, and similarly to Tobias, there was the commonality of spending time with Schillinger. However, she wasn’t sure how he was going to react; it had been quiet a heated session. She glanced at the clock, only a few minutes left,

‘Can I suggest a theory to you?’

Keller’s ears pricked up ‘go on,’ he answered

‘I think, for reasons we haven’t explored yet, your time in Lardner has shaped your attitudes about what is acceptable about genders roles within our society.’

‘Are you trying to tell me, the reason I find that part of me so grotesque is because of people like Schillinger,’ his rage was blazing through his eyes, ‘I`m not buying it.’

‘Chris, I`m not saying that the experience was the main cause but studies have shown that some experiences we have as adolescents can impact our later lives.’

Sister Pete was trying to remain calm. The last thing she wanted or needed was Kris Keller kicking off and being sent to solitary. ‘I think you’ve explored a lot today and now would be a good time to finish.’

Keller looked at the clock, _2 more minutes before I`ll leave, Toby’s not here yet._

He shifted positions, slouched, legs sprawled apart, an inane grin on his face and his hands clasped resting in between. ‘We have two minutes left; I feel your short changing me.’

‘Ok Chris, what do you want to talk about.’

He thought for a moment, _how am I going to ask about Toby without asking. Hmm being humble might work._

‘I just want to say Sister, thank you for talking to Beecher for me.’

‘You are aware he still refuses to the Victim Offender Interaction Programme, don’t you?’ Sister Pete responded.

‘He’s mentioned it a few times, but he doesn’t have the murderous glare that he used to,’ he sniggered ‘Beecher murderous could you imagine.’

‘I can understand your frustration Chris, but Tobias needs to agree before we discuss anything. I warned you this could happen.’

‘It’s not good enough,’ he grumbled ‘how can he move on with his life if he doesn’t address the things that hurt him.’

Sister Pete sat straighter in her chair, ‘are we still talking about Tobias, Chris or is this you talking about what you want?’

Before Keller could answer there was a knock at the door.

‘Come in,’ Sister Pete cooed.

There right on time was Beecher; Keller didn’t need to turn around to know. He promptly got out of his seat, ‘that’s my cue, thank you Sister.’

He flashed a flirtatious smile to Tobias, ‘don’t wear him out Sister.’


	11. Almost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Keller get what he wants?

Almost can mean so many things; it can show someone how close they were to winning their first baseball game. It can remind us how close we came to death when we swerved out the way, it can even show you the possibilities of a potential mate, just as they are about to leave you.

It’s those moments that persuade you that the next one will be it, because we convince ourselves that the almost moment was just practise. 

In Oz you can’t have an almost moment because you might just not make it to the next one.

**Prisoner #95H522**

*********************************************************************

As Tobias walked through the quad attempting to look as invisible as possible, he wasn’t in the mood for defending himself today. Sister Pete had been hinting, yet again, about sessions with Keller. _What have I got to do to make her understand? There’s no reasoning with Keller._

He took a few steps further. _Although he does seem to be taking the groups sessions seriously and Sister Pete has mentioned how he is opening up about himself; she thinks he is remorseful about what happened all those months ago. Maybe he is or maybe he is just playing out another scheme of his._

Tobias wasn’t sure about anything Keller did, but one thing was certain; he was tired of the game. He wanted to be normal again, as normal as you can be in Oz. He wanted nothing more than to just do his time and turn his back on this god forsaken place.

As Tobias got ever closer, he noticed the most bizarre sight; the large trunk was in the middle of the floor. On top he could see little black and white specs facing opposing ends. It was a chess game. _Why is there a chess board sitting in the middle of my pod_.

 He quickly surveyed the room. Understandably there was not much to survey; one set of bunks, sink, toilet, trunks and personal effects. Beecher gingerly walked into the pod. He took a closer inspection of the chess set, ‘what is this?’ He asked himself puzzled.

He noticed the other trunk was positioned like a chair; unconsciously he took his position on it. Beecher half remembered the day McManus had told him the news of his wife’s death. He remembered how moments before he was laughing and joking with Keller about McManus’s personal bad news delivery system. He remembered how much he hated himself for making such a joke. Then how upset he was he was when the news had sunk in.

‘We were half way through a game that day. That’s when I began to realise I loved you.’ Keller hung in the door frame, his head resting on his forearm.

Tobias could feel his entire body explode with goose pimples. That voice got to him every time, even more so since he’d heard all the effort Keller was going through, for no personal benefit. _Maybe he does love me?_ He thought.

‘What do you want Keller?’ He tried to sound indifferent.

Keller raised the corner of his lip; his eyes had a glint in them.

‘Just thought it would be good for us to play a game, like the old days, remember.’ Keller smoothly walked into the pod, as the door clicked shut. He passed Tobias, just close enough to faintly brush against his arm. The atmosphere electrified as the two men touched. Keller could feel the warmth of Toby’s skin and knew it wasn’t enough, but it would have to do.

‘How many times do I need to tell you there is no us.’ Tobias could feel the frustration build.

‘Oh Beecher you flatter yourself. It’s not a game, after talking to Sister Pete, I realised the only way for you to move forward is if I prove I've changed. I just thought a friendly game was a good start.’

_Yer like the nun told me any of that._

Keller took his position on the bottom bunk; his stare showed Beecher he was serious, but it had a flirtatious come and play edge.

Tobias was dubious of the whole set up, he was expecting Keller to pull a shank from under his mattress and press it into his chest; with the same look on his face he had when he snapped his arms.

‘You just want to play a game of Chess with me...but you hate chess.’ Tobias stated as he tried to stifle a laugh.

Keller chuckled a little, ‘you remembered.’

‘Of course I do, I had to clear up after you threw the board, across the room, in a rage.’ Tobias gave a hint of a smile.

‘There are too many rules. It gets frustrating.’

‘Oh and wrestling doesn’t?’

‘If I offered to have a friendly wrestle with you, would you have agreed,’ he asked matter of factly.

‘I think I would’ve struggled to tell you the number of ways, which meant no,’ he glared at Keller ‘or is that being over dramatic.’

‘It’s understandable. When that fucking cast was on my arm it was a constant reminder of how I got here and that Schillinger owned me.’

‘But your still here,’ Tobias uttered.

‘Toby, are we going to play or just stare at each other...’ He purposefully gave Tobias a lingering up and down. Even with things this tense he couldn’t help but picture the lean and toned body underneath.

Tobias stared at him, contemplating Keller’s chest under that white tank top, although it didn’t leave much to the imagination. _What am I doing to myself...I must be mad._

He lent back and rested on the wall, ‘your move Chris.’

Keller’s face lit up, he loved it when Toby used his name. He sat there for a moment, taking all of Toby in. He’d waited months for this moment. Finally, he made his first move, lightly fondling the pieces as he placed a pawn into position.

Beecher laughed; ‘you always make the same opening move.’

‘How do people play this for fun,’ Keller said in a strop

‘Your cute like that,’ a look of alarm flashed Beecher’s face. _That wasn’t supposed to come out._

Keller smiled, ‘if that’s all it took for you to say something nice to me I would’ve done this weeks ago.’

They played the next few moves in total silence. Keller exchanged flirtatious glances with Beecher as the game unfolded. He had learnt enough from Tobias to pass as playing properly. For him it wasn’t about the game, it was purely about spending time with Toby; the unguarded real Tobias Beecher.

’I have to say Chris, you seem to be making a real effort to turn your life around,’ he let out a breath ‘huh, I really believed you were working another scam. Turns out I might have been wrong.’

‘Toby, I knew a scam wouldn’t work, so I thought the only way to get you to forgive me was to be honest with you....I’ve told you countless times, it’s all for you.’ A sultry smile filled his face, ‘your move.’

‘Sure it is, you expect me to forget everything that happened,’ Tobias angrily spat.

Keller’s face had a confused and amused look, he paused to draw out Beecher’s agony, until finally he chirped ‘Beecher it’s your move in the game...look.’

Tobias’s cheeks flushed a shade of pink. For the next few minutes Beecher looked solely at the board, he could feel Keller watching. When he finally looked back up he could see Chris smiling but made no further attempt to cause Tobias any more misery instead he gazed into his eyes,

 ‘Did I ever tell you how Bonnie she told me she loved me.’

‘Not really interested,’ he said flatly.

‘It’s only short, she blurted it out during a scheme, almost ruined the whole thing, she was pretending to be my sister,’ he smirked.

‘Is this how you spend your time with Sister Pete, telling her stories about your ex-wives.’

‘That’s private, Beecher, you should know better,’ he teased ‘if you want to know what we talk about then all you need to do...’

‘...is to join you in the interaction programme.’ Tobias slammed his fist on the trunk, ‘I fucking knew it.’

‘You just don’t get it do you. When you were in that hospital bed for all those weeks, I would’ve given anything to see you,’ he aggressively retorted.

Tobias felt embarrassed, _is this Keller’s way of an apology._ _He set up this game for us, knowing that he can’t stand to play it. He’s telling me things that you just don’t say in Oz. But then there’s the lying, bone breaking and of course Schillinger. Is Sister Pete right?_

‘Toby...anyone home?’

‘Hmm... Oh um just went off somewhere.’

‘So you didn’t hear a word I said...fuck...what will it take Beecher,’ he slammed the chess piece into position.

‘Chris, you have to admit nothing that happens here is normal.’

Keller grimaced, ‘what the fuck are you talking about.’

‘It’s just difficult to adjust to you not trying to kill me.’

‘Toby none of this is important right now...your move.’ Keller looked defeated, all he wanted was Toby but he should’ve known nothing was that easy.  He slumped forward, his elbows on the trunk with his head cupped in his hands.

His vulnerability didn’t go unnoticed; Tobias felt a sudden urge to reach out to Keller. He hadn’t felt that since seeing him drunk in the laundry room, although Beecher still wasn’t sure if that was real. Tobias leaned forward and slowly stretched out his arm and placed it on Keller’s bicep. He’d missed the feel of his skin on his. He waited for Keller to react in some way. He could feel his heart begin to race, but there was no reaction.

Tobias took this as a good thing after all Keller had talked about little else. He decided to make his move. He tenderly caressed Keller’s cheek. He traced his cheekbone, jaw and the nape of his neck. Keller responded by pressing into Beecher’s hand. Tobias was just about to work his way further down when he felt a vice like grip around his wrist as it was forced onto the table. Keller glared at him.

‘What’ Tobias asked in disbelief, ‘I thought it was what you wanted?’

Keller rolled his eyes, ‘You are unbelievable,’ he barked. ‘Do you think I`m that easy.’ He quickly straightened up, ‘I think this was a mistake...maybe your right...maybe this was a bad idea.

Keller got up and started to put the pieces away, when Tobias grabbed his arm,

‘Get the fuck off me,’ Keller growled.

Tobias could see that sinister look in his eyes, he let go. ‘Chris...I... he began.

‘Don’t bother, I`ve got my session with Sister Pete,’ Keller grunted as he headed for the door. He opened the handle when he heard,

‘Chris wait’

He stopped and closed the door, without turning around he stated, ‘what’

‘I`ll do it,’ Tobias murmured

‘Sorry I didn’t hear you,’

‘I`ll fucking go to those sessions with you; I`m not promising that you will get what you want.’

‘Oh Toby, Toby, Toby, you haven’t realised yet have you? It’s not about what I want, it about what you need.’

Keller pulled the door open; he looked across his shoulder to see Tobias sitting back on the trunk. ‘Don’t forget to tell Sister Pete your decision. I don’t think she would believe me.’

As Keller walked through the quad he thought, _dam Beecher why couldn’t you have just forgiven me._

All Tobias could do was watch as Keller paraded through the quad heading to his Co escort.

 He placed his hands on the back of his head. ‘What have I let myself in for?’


	12. Support

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A therapy session with Tobias and Chris together, what could possibly go wrong?

‘You’re being unreasonable.’

‘I`m being unreasonable,’ Keller huffed, ‘you were the one that put up so much resistance to this.’

‘You’ve got to be kidding; you’re blaming me for this.’ Tobias answered in a bemused tone.

‘If you’d agreed to this the day I came back we wouldn’t be in this mess.’

‘If you hadn’t broken my arms and treated me like shit, we wouldn’t be here.’

‘Hey love birds break it up,’Lopresti barked

‘Fucking hacks,’ Keller retorted

‘Just keep walking.’

Ever since Beecher’s ill-timed move Keller had kept his distance, In fact this was the most they had said to each other in 3 days. But Keller wasn’t punishing Beecher, he was punishing himself. Of course he could have grabbed Toby and kissed him but why didn’t he. Why was his forgiveness so important? Why couldn’t he do the same thing he had done so many times before.

 ‘Last stop,’ came a disinterested grumble.

Tobias skulked into Sister Pete’s office; he still couldn’t understand why he even agreed to this.

‘Hello Tobias...Chris,’ Sister Pete cooed.

The two men sat down, the stage was set. Sister Pete could tell that this was going to be an uncomfortable session. She was surprised that Tobias agreed to this, especially as he protested so strongly against it.

‘Morning Pete,’ Tobias said, all the time staring at Keller.

‘Sister,’ Keller acknowledged dismissively. He was more interested in meeting Tobias’s stare, then anything around them.

‘Shall we make a start,’ Sister Pete opened her notepad, ‘Let’s begin with you Tobias, what do want to gain from these sessions?’

‘I suppose I`d like to know why the son of a bitch broke my arms, why he played those twisted games....and what’ll it take to leave me alone.’

Keller laughed, ‘pretty long list Beecher...don’t know if we have enough time. Besides you had very different ideas about me a few days ago.’

Tobias glared at him; _she didn’t need to know about that._

‘Ok thank you Tobias. Chris what do you hope to achieve?’

 _Having Toby all to myself,_ he thought

‘The way I see it is, Beecher needs to get past the whole in a body cast thing...and I thought this was the most productive way to do it,’ Keller grinned.

‘So your reason for being here is to help Tobias?  Sister Pete asked confused, ‘but this was your suggestion...’ she paused to collect her thoughts ‘forgive me but didn’t you think this would help Tobias’s recovery?’

‘Isn`t that what I just said,’ Keller smirked.

‘Chris are you seriously arguing with a nun? I knew it, I knew this was pointless.’ Tobias said dismissively

‘If it was pointless, why did you agree?’ Keller questioned

‘Because I want you out of my hea...life,’ Tobias huffed

‘Here we go again,’ Keller switched his attention to Sister Pete, ‘see what I deal with....day after day.’

Keller’s whole intention for this session was to simply spend time with Toby, without prying prisoner eyes. But this bickering proved much more rewarding; he was turned on by an angry sexy Toby. There was the added fact that he used this tension with Beecher to warrant his one–to-one session with Sister Pete.

‘Tobias,’ she said in one of the stern voices, ‘if these sessions are going to work then you need to listen. No matter how hard it is to hear.’

‘Perhaps you should listen to the good Sister ...Beecher,’ Keller beamed

‘The same goes for you Chris,’ chimed Sister Pete

The smile of Keller’s face became distinctly darker, ‘I’m prepared to listen to anything said here, but I can’t guarantee I won’t react to it.’

 _He wouldn’t dare_ , Tobias contemplated

The atmosphere became increasingly tense. The three participants all sat there, avoiding each other’s gaze. Beecher had spent hours in that room and knew every single inch, as did Sister Pete. But for Keller it was a fact finding mission, looking at features of the room he hadn’t noticed before; paintings, plants, even the order of her files. All could be used against the nun in some form.

‘Right we have established why you’re here. Now we need to determine how the incident happened....how both of you feel about it.’

Tobias straightened up, ‘Well its quiet simple, the lapdog here and his master...’

‘Schillinger,’ Keller interrupted

Tobias glared at Keller, ‘...lured me into the gym, one thing led to another...’

‘I pinned him to the ground, bent his wrists back by 90 degrees.’ Keller added with a slight smile.

‘...and Schillinger grabbed my leg and snapped my thigh bone...with his foot

‘Oh he used his foot, that’s a new one,’ Keller almost giggled.

Beecher shot him daggers

Sister Pete could feel her whole body shiver; she understood why Tobias had been so troubled and angry by the whole situation.

‘So we’ve established the events, now we need to discuss how they made you feel.’

‘Apart from agonising pain; thinking that I would never move again?’ Beecher sarcastically remarked.

‘Or the fact I enjoyed pinning him onto the floor, our body’s gliding over each other. If Vern hadn’t been there, the end result might have been much more enjoyable for both of us.’ Keller gave a little wink to Beecher.

‘From what I can remember, you did really enjoy yourself; like a true lapdog doing exactly what is expected of him.’

‘Toby, we’re in Oz....other rules apply.’ Keller answered defensively

‘Ok, we have begun to recognise how you felt during the immediacy of the situation. Is there anything else you would care to add?’ Sister Pete asked.

Tobias took a deep breath, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know the answer, ‘I want to know why....why all this happened.’

Keller flippantly replied, ‘I was bored.’

Tobias looked at him dumbfounded, ‘bored?’ he gave a snort of disgust ‘...fucking bored. You’ve got to be kidding.’

‘Tobias, I`m sure Chris has his reasons for this statement. Chris care to explain.’

Keller savoured the moment; he enjoyed being the centre of attention. It gave him time to study Beecher’s face and devise his next move.

‘Pretty sure I made it clear I was bored. What other explanation do you need?’

‘Same old Keller,’ Tobias huffed, as he crossed his arms and laid them on his chest.

‘Excuse me...Beecher.’ Keller sneered, leaning forward into an intimidating positon.

‘This is just a game to you, isn’t it? Let’s face it you’ve been in and out of prison so often you’ve nothing else to live for but to make other people’s lives miserable.’

Keller’s face darkened once more, he was clearly becoming agitated. Sister Pete could do nothing to ease the situation; all she could do was watch the drama unfold.

‘Well at least I didn’t bend over and turn into some asshole’s prag...or is that a little too close for comfort.’ Keller quipped, a pissed smile formed on his face. He slouched back into the chair, reaping the spoils of his remark. There was no way he was going to let Beecher fuck with him, plan or no plan. Keller was pissed off.

‘Like I asked for that to happen...he attacked and branded me; I had no choice but to do as I was told.’ He sighed, ‘Jesus Chris, he threatened my family.’

Keller looked increasingly bored as Beecher talked, ‘How the hell did he put up with all that whinging, Christ Beecher I would’ve killed you long before Vern deci...whoops’

Tobias raised his eyebrow, ‘whoops? What do you mean by that?’

‘Oh Toby, how did you make it as a lawyer,’ Keller offhandedly said.

‘Gentlemen, please settle down,’ Sister Pete tried to detract from the inevitable; unfortunately it fell on deaf ears.

‘You’re full of yourself, thinking that your reason I`m still alive. If you hadn’t come to Oz, I would have gotten on just fine.’

‘You would’ve drunk yourself into oblivion. Face it Beecher I saved you, I`m the reason you’re STILL here.’

‘I SAVED me. I took on Schillinger and I won, it had nothing to do with you.’

Keller laughed, ‘Yer, how do you think I got put in Em City? It was your little stunt that tipped him over the edge.’

Tobias looked away from Keller; there it was; the answer he didn’t want to hear. It was his reckless revenge that caused this. What he would do for a drink right now.

 _And Beecher is broken_ , Keller smugly thought

Tobias refocused onto Keller, ‘Ok...so why did you follow your masters instructions? Why couldn’t you just share with someone else?’

‘Like I said, I was bored...plus I like a challenge. I knew when I met you; you would be worthwhile. Schillinger thought you would fall in days but I knew better. Once I heard what you did, I knew I couldn’t work you as easily as I had anticipated.’

Keller paused, was he really going to tell Beecher the truth, that he used to brag to Schillinger about how pathetic Beecher was for fawning over him left right and centre. How easy it had been to talk him into having wrestling sessions. How Schillinger used to revel in seeing the pitiable figure following Keller from a distance. Schillinger particularly enjoyed that bit. How he had secretly began to like Beecher. How a part of him didn’t want to go through with the plan, but he knew he had to. How Schillinger owned him as well as he owned Beecher.

‘I made the mistake of getting to know you. At first it was a way to break you down, find out what made you tick, what your weakness was. But as time went on the more I understood you.’

Keller’s voice began to betray a hint of emotion,

‘....for fucks sake Beecher, I helped you through your nightmares. If you meant nothing to me then why would I do that, it didn’t benefit me in any way. For fucks sake I didn’t even mention any of that to Schillinger, and believe me he would have loved to hear about that.’

‘See this is good you are both sharing your feelings and discovering how your actions have affected the other. This is what the programme is for.’ Sister Pete sounded surprisingly optimistic.

‘So you humiliated me...broke my bones anyway; even after you got to know me.’

‘Toby you have to understand I needed to protect myself. Although I have to admit I did enjoy luring you to the gym and pinning you down.’

‘I don’t know what to say to that.’ Tobias was trying to remain calm, but inside he felt an intense fury gather momentum. He wanted nothing more than to reach over and punch Keller square in the jaw.

‘Tobias, what I think Chris is... trying to say is he recognises his mistakes. Now he is trying to make amends for what happened.’

‘DAM IT, that’s just not good enough. No matter how many sessions, talks, chats we have there is no moving forward with you.’

Keller glared, ‘I give up... I’ve had it... Bitcher. You want to know something... something you really don’t want to hear.’

Tobias could feel his blood boil; he hated that name Schillinger gave him. He hated Keller more for using it, ‘go ahead...Killer.’ He grinned.

 _The nun didn’t need to hear that,_ Keller thought.

‘You’re not special Tobias Beecher. You’re not the only man in prison to become one of Vern Schillinger’s prags. The fact is, Schillinger prays on the weak and the vulnerable, and frankly you stink of it.

Keller could see the increasingly pissed look on Tobias’s face, but the fact is Tobias needed to hear the truth before he could rebuild the trust in the relationship.

‘I mean come on, the whole reason Schillinger goes through so many prags is that it looks suspicious after a while and he tires of them. It’s one thing for a guy to have a couple of prags through his sentence (desperation and all that); but Schillinger is hiding a much darker secret....one even he would never admit.’ He paused it was a little too close to his own.

‘What pisses him off more though is when one of his prags turns on him then he has to ensure his next one won’t have the same ideas. That’s where I usually come in.’

_It’s one of the tricks I used to survive Lardner. My brand is hidden under my tattoo. No one alive will know about that._

_‘_ Your Schillinger’s enforcer,’ Tobias joked ‘So you’re like the Alsatian of lapdogs.’

‘Maybe that’s what you think of me. But I do what I must to survive shit holes like Oz. The sooner you can accept that the sooner WE can move on.’ Keller bluntly answered. He was tired of playing therapy and wanted to go back to Em City, it was almost visiting hours.

‘Right...well...that’s enough for today.’ She walked over and opened the door, ‘Lopresti can you take Beecher and Keller back to Em City.’

As the two men began their awkward walk back to Em city; something very disturbing, within Beecher, began to take root.


	13. Watch your back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris Keller, in the storage room, with a shank.

Up down, up down. Tobias had paced the pod for the past ten minutes. He knew it took exactly seven strides to cross from one side to the other. His rage had been gently simmering ever since Keller’s revelation. He’d regretted asking why. He should’ve realised that Keller wouldn’t have made something, like that, up; he would’ve wanted to see the life drain out of his face. What was he going to do?

After hearing why Keller was brought here, he realised public revenge was out of the question. He knew first-hand what both sides of that felt like. To stand up to his abuser and shed the pathetic weakling persona only to be brought back down to earth with a bone chilling snap. He still had vivid nightmares of Schillinger laughing as he broke the news that Keller was working for him, which then jumped to having Keller’s body on his before hearing  his arms and legs shatter.

‘What am I going to do?’ He paced the seven steps, ‘I could...’

He stopped, ‘nah wouldn’t work,’ he began to pace again

‘Or maybe... I`d need to get others involved...and where could it be? Not in here, although at the moment I could smother him in his sleep.... too kind.’

His pacing picked up speed; Tobias was anxious. He assumed it would be an easy thing to plan, after all getting rid of Metzger was so simple. They never did find out how he ended up in a boiler room, alone, with a small puncture wound in his windpipe.

‘Ah, Metzger you might have lived longer if you weren’t an Aryan fuck.’ Beecher stated.

As a lawyer Tobias had studied, sat in and undertaken many criminal cases. He had seen even more inventive ways to dispose of someone since coming to Oz and, more importantly, how to get away with it.  Of course Tobias had one thing to his advantage, no one would suspect him. To some degree even the hacks could see that he didn’t belong in Oz, even with his addictions, breakdown and the incident with Schillinger. In fact some of them were impressed, they didn’t think Tobias had it in him to stand up to him.

‘Taking a shot at Keller might show those Aryan fuckers not to fuck with me.’  A flash of horror travelled across his face, ‘Christ, I sound more like O`Reily every day.’

He sat down on Keller’s bunk; immediately his nose was engulfed by the smell of him. Doubts began to fill his head. Did he really want to do this? What was he hoping to gain from it? Fear...Respect...Power? Or was it simply desperation?

He still wasn’t sure how he felt; part of him wanted nothing more than to  find Keller, grab him and ardently kiss him; just like he had imagined during that chess match.

Out of the corner of his eye, Tobias could see his walking stick propped up against the bunk. Just like that any intimate thoughts, Tobias was allowing himself to have, evaporated. The rage began to take control once more.  There was the other part of him that wanted nothing more than to shank Keller repeatedly until all the life had drained from his body.

‘Maybe that’s it...maybe that’s the way to do it. I`ll shank him. Quick and simple, not much fuss.’ He stood up and began pacing once more

‘How am I going to do it? How am I going to get him alone? Living in a clear cell; nowhere to hide; prying eyes always watching, always listening.’

Up, down, up, down. Then he stopped, he realised that Keller worked in the storage room, a very isolated place. He began to recognise that room would be perfect; it’s quiet, had places to hide and it was dimly lit. The governor didn’t think prisons needed maintenance men; too much of the public money went to waste just with Em City being there, in Devlin’s opinion.

 _Decision made._ Tobias chuckled to himself, ‘it’s like playing a game of Clue. Chris Keller. In the storage room. With the shank.’

Beecher felt a sudden pang of guilt, so he decided to pray. Over the past few months he had found himself praying less and less. When he came to Oz it was his one escape from the hell hole he had gotten himself into. Now it felt  like a redundant chore.

He knelt down onto the cold floor, interlaced his hands, as he had done a million times before and bowed his head.  He quietly asked god for his forgiveness for what he was about to do. But he felt it was the only way he could move on, and it was a necessary evil to ensure his survival.

He concluded his prayer, got up and went to the mirror; Tobias asked himself whether or not he was a good person anymore, considering what he was about to do. He knew he had to quickly snap out of that thought; otherwise he was going to be trapped in this cycle of love and loathing. He looked at Keller’s bunk, in the mirror’s reflection, took a deep breath and resisted the urge to throw himself on it, just to have the scent of Keller on his clothes once more.

*********************************************************************

Beecher knew today was the day. He’d spent a long time planning it in great detail. Every part had to play out perfectly, especially as he had added an extra element to it; ensuring his personal safety in Oz, for the immediate future anyway. He went to work as usual, surprisingly he didn’t feel nervous; in fact he was a little excited about sneaking around, right under the hacks noses. He’d been slowly losing supplies from Sister Pete’s office, for the past couple of weeks, which gave him a legitimate reason to go to the storage room. All he needed to do now was wait until Sister Pete realised she had run out of something that she needed; unsurprisingly it didn’t take long.

Tobias entered the storage room to see that Keller wasn't there. 

 _Perfect_  he thought, as he searched for a place to hide.

He re-ran his plan while he waited; he knew that he had a maximum of 15 minutes before Sister Pete would be suspicious. He had ensured that his clothes would have limited amounts of blood on them; he learnt that from Metzger after he bled out everywhere. He took out the small shank; he had hidden in the sole of his shoe. He found a secluded corner and waited for his prey.

There was no going back now.

*********************************************************************

Keller was bored, yet another day in Oz, another day of Toby ignoring him, another day in the storage room. It wasn’t the most boring job in Oz, but it was the most pointless. He couldn’t understand why the supplies had to be stacked and checked only to be stacked and checked again. It wasn’t the most productive use of his time or intelligence.  

The room was an eerie place to be, high metal shelves full of busted TVs, broken computer screens and a multitude of smashed up radios. Keller didn’t bother spending any time dealing with them; they weren’t any use to anyone, unless they wanted materials for a shank. Instead he spent most of his day moving copying paper from one side of the room to the other.

‘At least I`ll stay in shape,’ he joked as he threw the next bundle onto the ever increasing pile.

Keller often used this time to think; working on his own had its benefits; no one to piss him off, make awkward small talk or get in the way. The only thing, other than Keller’s whistling, to make a sound was the odd creak from the shelves and the objects occasionally knocking against each other, when there was the odd breeze.

 _Just how I like it,_ he thought.

He had obsessively been thinking about that therapy session, how he might’ve approached it all wrong. Keller didn’t like to contemplate that he was mistaken about something, it reminded him too much of his childhood; something he didn’t talk about...ever.

He continued to move the packets of paper from one place to another, when he thought he heard something. He stopped to try to identify where it had come from, nothing so he resumed his work.

Then he heard it again, ‘Yo,’ he called

His instincts told him someone was in there with him but he couldn’t be sure. He began stacking again, this time listening out for the sound. Within minutes he heard it again,

 _So, you little fucker, you wanna play.... come and play,_ he thought

He reached up and turned out the light. Whoever was coming, to get their revenge, he wasn’t going to make it easy. After all Keller knew this room inside out, in the light and dark; he knew he could use that to sneak up on them.He needed a weapon and fast, so he picked up a packet of copying paper.

‘Well if you’re coming motherfucker come and bring it,’ he challenged, his would be assassin. He began to edge forward towards the door thinking his attacker would meet him face to face.

Before Keller could react he felt an arm violently thrust against his chest pulling him back, whilst the other plunged a shank into his back. Keller moaned in pain as he fell back; causing the shank to plunge deeper. The paper dropped, like a stone. As quickly as the assailant appeared they had vanished as had the weapon.

Keller struggled to breathe as he tried to grip the metal shelves for support, instead his body failed him and he sank to the ground, the pain growing in intensity, breathing becoming more difficult. He knew he needed to get into the corridor if he had a chance of survival. There was no way Chris Keller was going out in such a mundane way.

He gradually became delirious and things started drifting out of focus, yet one thing made him hold on,

‘Toby,’ he gurgled

*********************************************************************

‘We need to get him stable, now,’ commanded Dr Nathan, while trying to stabilise Keller’s vitals.

‘What the hell happened,’ McManus barked

‘No clue. He was found just outside the storage room with a stab wound to the back. It looked like he had crawled out and slumped down on the floor. He was conscious up until a few minutes ago.’ Concern flushed her voice, ‘he’s hurt pretty bad Tim, we don’t know if he’s going to make it.’

McManus glanced at the body on the stretcher, _what have you gotten yourself into_ , he supposed.

‘He’s losing a lot of blood, quick can someone compress the wound. One of the nurses grabbed a press, from beside the body, and tried to stem the bleeding. As she did there was a sudden gurgle from Keller, followed by the sound of choking as blood poured from his mouth.

‘Get the ambulance ready and call Benchley Memorial,’ Dr Nathan echoed as she pushed through the infirmary doors.

‘McManus turned his attention to Mineo, ‘any idea who did it?’

‘We’re not sure Tim, but my best guess, someone had grudge against Keller.’

‘You think?’ McManus sarcastically said. He took a breath to calm down.’ Who are Keller’s enemies in Em city?’

‘None we are aware of, but Beecher is the one who would have the motive....’

‘Have you checked where Beecher is?’

‘Working in Sister Pete’s office; same as every other day. I sent a couple of officers to speak to him.’ Mineo paused ‘Tim it’s unlikely to be Beecher.  Come on, what would he gain from stabbing Keller?’

‘Sanity, but I guess if he was going to do anything to Keller he would have done it by now.’ McManus reflected, ‘anyone else in the frame?’

‘My best guess is Schillinger.... It’s kind of poetic really; he stabbed him in the back so he just returned the favour...literally.’

‘I should've seen it coming after all Schillinger goes through that corridor daily, and no one would notice....’

‘What do you want me to do, Tim?’ Mineo asked

‘Get me Schillinger.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I regularly edit and rewrite the chapters I have posted,so some things may have been added or removed over time.  
> Thank you for reading.


	14. Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beecher is desperate to see Keller, Sister Pete has other ideas.  
> What is Tobias going to do?

Time....the gift Oz just keeps on giving. That’s the real punishment, you have nothing but time. So we come up with unique ways to pass it. Some use it to better themselves, some just wait it out, others reflect on their crimes.

Then there’s the rest of us.

We exploit it to concoct ways to get what we want, who we need to use and who’ll get in our way. Some wait for it to play out and sometimes get lucky and others....

.....wish they hadn’t wasted their time.

Prisoner #95H522

*********************************************************************

‘Pete how is he?’ Tobias burst into Sister Pete’s office

‘And good morning to you Tobias,’ she answered, while reading the morning news.

He paced up and down her office, running his fingers through his hair; his coping mechanism.

 _I fucked up_ , he frantically thought. _The shank wasn’t meant to go in that far. I wanted to hurt him, not kill him. What have I done?_

He continued pacing and periodically fondled his hair.

‘Tobias,’ Sister Pete put the article down. She watched the frantic man in front of her. She thought, _Keller truly is dangerous, if a man like Beecher act like this._

‘Tobias,’ she repeated.

But he didn’t hear her. He was too wrapped up in his own head, t _hey’ll find out it was me. Those hacks, who questioned me after they found him, knew I was lying. But you got away with Metzger, it took days to find him,_ came a more sinister thought. _You’re a lawyer for Christ sake; your job was to be a professional liar._

‘Tobias,’ Sister Pete repeated for the third time. Although, this time he took notice; he stopped, he glared at her like a man possessed. She hadn’t seen that look since he was in the grips of his heroin addiction.

‘Sit down,’ she commanded; she couldn’t take the pacing any more.

Tobias immediately followed his order and sat opposite her desk. He laid his crossed hands on the table and rested his head on top. He was trying his hardest not to burst into rage and tears.

‘Tobias, what is this all about?’ She asked looking increasingly puzzled.

He lifted his head, but his body was still sprawled across the desk.  ‘I need to know Pete......how is he?’ He was a desperate man.

Sister Pete gave him a look of despair, ‘Oh Tobias,’ she sighed

He suddenly sat bolt upright in the chair, a grave expression on his face, _Oh Pete don’t say it._

‘Relax, Keller is doing well. He’s in a stable condition; they transferred him back this morning. He’ll need a few of weeks in the infirmary. Dr Nathan said he’s doing well...He’s really got to you hasn’t he?’ Sister Pete stated,

Tobias tried to hide his upturned smile ‘Keller’s not got me, Pete.’

His pathetic lie didn’t fool either of them. He didn’t want to tell her, that he’d been sleeping on Keller’s bunk just to be close to him. That he struggled with his complex inner demons because of what he’d done. With Schillinger and Metzger it was well deserved, but with Keller he’d realised he still had very deep feelings.

Beecher gave a sign of relief, _oh thank god_ , ‘Can I see him Pete?’

She stared at him curiously, ‘why do you want to see him?’

 _Fuck_ , he realised he needed to tell her. _What do I say? Neither truth, one would prove that Keller was right and the other would send me to the hole and a longer sentence_.

‘Pete as difficult it is for me to see him every day. The fact is I loved him once and I just want to see if he is ok.’

‘You know Tobias; it seems to me that you still have some unresolved feelings towards Keller. I don’t think it would be good for you to see him.’

‘Come on Pete, it’s not like I’d do anything to him.’ Tobias innocently said.

‘I don’t doubt that Tobias, but I cannot allow you to see him. Besides, a few weeks ago you were very clear that you couldn’t stand to be near Keller. I`m not convinced you’ve had such a dramatic turn around.’ Sister Pete continued to stare at the anxious being in front of her.

Beecher sunk into his chair, feeling deflated. He was sure she would’ve sympathised with his situation. She was the only person who understood the complexities of his relationship with Keller. He didn’t know what else to say.

‘Why did God make something so perfect so fucking painful?’ he said, a tone of sadness in his voice.

‘Oh Tobias,’ Sister Pete felt her emotions conflicting; ‘maybe he thought we could cope with such highs and lows.’

‘I guess nearly losing him, has shown me that, on some level I need Keller in my life. Why Pete? Why do I have these feelings?’

‘You and Keller have been through a lot together. From what we’ve talked about in our sessions, it’s clear to me you still love him and I can’t allow you to punish yourself anymore, then you already have.’

‘I don’t fucking love him.’ Tobias was trying to remain calm, but it was a struggle.

Sister Pete sensed that he was becoming agitated and decided not to press the issue further. In recent weeks she had seen how Tobias had changed, and strangely for the better. He’d been adamant that he wanted nothing to do with Keller to suddenly worrying if he was going to be ok.

‘As you’ve said before Tobias, but I still can’t let you see Keller.’

Tobias looked at Sister Pete; he felt the tears well in his eyes, he had to quickly quash them. He realised that she was not going to negotiate, and it was a waste of time to even try. Lawyer or no lawyer, he knew better then to argue with a nun.

As he stared at her; an idea formed, O`Reily.  It was no secret that O’Reily had access to the infirmary, just to glimpse Doctor Nathan.

_Perhaps he could get something to Keller? But what’s it going to cost?_

Finally, after a resided sigh, he said ‘I understand,’ he paused ‘sure I can’t change your mind,’ he boldly added.

‘Tobias,’ Sister Pete dragged, ‘you’re not that good a lawyer.’

‘If I was I wouldn’t be here.’ He uttered.

A flash of concern crossed her face; she’d been working so hard with him to control his self- deprecating tendency. ‘Tobias, we’ve talked about that.’

‘Sorry, Pete, I guess that needs more work, huh.’ He dejectedly replied.

She smiled, ‘is there anything else I can help you with Tobias?’

He shook his head, got out of the chair and warmly said, ‘Thank you Pete, from saving me from myself.’

‘Mineo, can you take Beecher back to Em city,’ she called into the corridor.

*********************************************************************

The O`Reily brothers were sat in the Rec area. Ryan was surveying his arena, searching for his next play. Cyril was enjoying his latest kids’ comic book. As time went by in Em City; Ryan had felt increasingly responsible for Cyril. He felt he owed him not just as a brother but as the reason Cyril was serving life the first place.

‘Ryan, when’s Miss Sally’s school yard on?’ Cyril asked in his innocent child like tone.

‘Soon Cyril, soon; just read your comic.’ Ryan answered. He was more interested in watching Beecher approach, to take any notice of his brother. 

‘Beech, what’s with the face, thought you’d be bouncing around this place.’

Tobias, slumped into the opposite chair, he couldn’t hide his defeated face from O`Reily. It was the same face that got him addicted to heroin in the first place.

He exhaled, ‘I dunno, just seen Sister Pete.’

‘That’s a reason I guess.’  Ryan retorted; he didn’t have much time for the nun.

‘Do you ever think, this place is out to get you?’  Tobias asked, feebly attempting to hide the depressed tone in his voice.

‘Not me. Beecher you should know by now, I never lose....not when it counts.’ O`Reily turned his attention back to the balcony. He could see the Latinos were on edge and he didn’t like it.

Tobias kept squirming in his seat; he was anxious. He knew that asking for a favour in Oz had its own set of consequences. It bound a man to another making him even more of a prisoner. The not knowing when or how the favour was going to be called.

Tobias had one bargaining chip, William Ruddick. He hadn’t asked what O’Reily was planning to do with the information he’d given him. But now he realised he could use it to his advantage. He needed to get his letter to Keller, at any cost.

He leaned on the table, ‘O`Reily,’ Tobias said, Ryan refocused and mimicked his body language. Beecher continued, ‘you know I gave you that information about Ruddick, no questions asked.’

Ryan smirked, he hadn’t forgotten, he just hadn’t banked on Beecher remembering.

‘What do you want Beecher?’

‘Something useful to both of us,’ he cryptically said

Suddenly Cyril piped up, ‘Ryan, is Miss Sally’s schoolyard on yet’

Ryan snapped, ‘Not now Cyril,’ he quickly realised what he’d done and calmly said, ‘look why don’t you finish your comic on your bed and I`ll come get you ok.’

‘Ok Ryan, I guess you want to talk grown up things.’ Cyril chirped as he left.

‘No wonder you want to get Ruddick.’ Tobias said understandably, if that’s what some guy did to Angus he would’ve wanted revenge.

‘Not important now, what do you need?’

‘I need to get something to Keller’ Tobias finally exhaled

O`Reily looked at him curiously, ‘I thought you hated that fuck.’

‘It’s complicated,’ Beecher admitted, ‘I just need this one thing, Ryan....’ he trailed off, took a deep breath before continuing,

‘Pete won’t let me see him, and I thought that’s where you come in.’

O`Reily looked at him intrigued, ‘go on...’

‘It’s no secret you bring the food to the infirmary, right’

‘It is my job Beecher,’ O`Reily chuckled

‘Fuck you. I want you to get a letter to him.’

‘Dam Beecher, I thought it was going to be difficult.’

‘That’s all I want you to do. Don’t tell him anything else, just the letter.’ Tobias’s voice took a more sinister tone, ‘you know what’ll happen if you don’t do what I ask.’

O`Reily twisted his face; he hated it when someone had leverage over him, ‘what’s in it for me?’

‘You get to feed your obsession’ Tobias stated

‘What?’ O`Reily asked puzzled

‘Gloria,’

‘Got it,’ O`Reily answered, he’d tear the world apart just to see the love of his life.

*********************************************************************

‘How’s the patient?’ O`Reily smirked as he saw Keller sat in the hospital bed.

‘Bored,’ Keller grumbled, ‘ I`ve been stuck in this bed for too long, I wanna go back to Em City, find the fucker that did this to me.’

O`Reily didn’t respond to this, he was under strict orders from Beecher to deliver the letter and nothing else,

He whispered, leaning in slightly so only Keller could hear, ‘brought you a present.’

‘I didn’t know you cared,’ Keller sarcastically said

‘Don’t flatter yourself Keller, it’s not from me,’ he trailed off,

Keller lifted himself up, repositioned his pillows, then winced a little as he lay back down, ‘ No sexy nurses here,’ he joked.

O`Reily quickly scanned the room to check the coast was clear. Once he was sure, he lifted the side of his shirt to show the top of an envelope, in his waistband.

Keller rapidly shifted his tone when he saw the envelope; he knew instantly who it was from. He was growing impatient, he was eager to read it,

‘Are you going to stand there, like my personal nurse or are you going to be a good little errand boy.’

O’Reily scanned the room once more before taking the envelope and tucking it behind the pillow.

‘Happy reading Keller, try not to enjoy it too much.’

‘Like a guy could jerk off in this place, it’s full of spectators’ Keller smirked, he’d missed joking with O`Reily.

‘I`m sure you’d find a way,’ O`Reily quipped, ‘get well soon.’ He smirked as he moved from Keller’s bedside and to the window of Dr Nathan’s office, just to get a glimpse of her.

Keller’s face lit up as he read the first word, ‘he used my name, oh Toby.’

_Kris,_

_Jesus, you sure know how to get yourself into trouble. If this is your attempt at getting me to admit I love you, your plan backfired. I don’t know how you managed to get yourself stabbed, goes to show you’re not that indestructible after all._

_You’ve managed to get me to believe that you’re not working with Schillinger. You really have changed; perhaps I can believe you when you tell me you love me._

_They carted his ass to solitary after the hacks found you. Of course Schillinger claims he’s innocent, but there is just too much coincidence for McManus._

_I think he had been waiting for an excuse to get Schillinger locked away, fuck knows what he’s gunna do if he gets out of there._

_It’s funny, without good old Vern keeping them in line; the other Aryan fucks are playing house with their prags._

_Get your ass back to Em City; it’s too quite without you._

_T_

*********************************************************************

 A few days passed, Tobias had heard nothing from Keller. _He knows_ , he thought.

He had taken to lying on Keller’s bunk, it was the only way he could be close to Keller, without him knowing how much he missed him.

As he sat there trying to get through the latest letter from his brother. These letters were never easy to read, they just made him miss his children even more.

O’Reily decided to let himself into the pod, as he wanted to make Tobias jump, especially as he saw him on Keller’s bunk.

‘Hey, Beecher,’ the sudden sound got Tobias’ attention, he put the letter down.

‘I’ve got something for you.’ O’Reily said,

Tobias didn’t react, he hadn’t expected O’Reily to bring a reply without any consequence, ‘what is it Ryan,’ he finally said not holding out much hope, ‘what’s it going to cost me?’

‘Beecher I`m offended you think such a thing.’

‘O`Reily I know you,’

O`Reily smirked, ‘fair point,’ he pulled the folded piece of paper from his back pocket. ‘You’re lucky Beecher, this won’t cost you.’ He outstretched his hand, the paper teased Tobias.

Tobias sat up on the bunk and grabbed the paper from O`Reily’s hand, ‘Thank you.’

‘We’re even,’ O`Reily called as he headed out the pod door.

As O`Reily left, Tobias lay back on the bunk, wrapped up in the note from Keller,

_Toby,_

_I didn’t know you cared so much, I`m touched._

_So, it was Schillinger huh, didn’t see that coming.  It makes sense, only he would literally stab me after I ratted on him. I wonder why he didn’t kill me; maybe he’s getting sloppy in his old age._

_At least now you can see I`m fighting for us, Toby, always us._

_I`ll be back in a few days.... I miss you_

_K_


	15. Now I Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keller is back from the infirmary.  
> Will Beecher be happy to see him or not?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to every who have been so patient, while I 've been writing this chapter.  
> I hope you enjoy the next installment.

_Death by boredom, can you even die like that,_ Keller thought as he sat in his bed. He was aching to get back to Em City and desperate to see Beecher. He knew Toby would’ve rushed to Sister Pete; in a desperate attempt to convince her to allow an infirmary visit, but would’ve been callously denied.

Keller had to admit the infirmary had its perks, just like Protective Custody but with the added bonus of meds. He’d spent this time thinking about Toby and what might happen between them. Keller’s plan had come together, or so he thought.  

 _I hope what we had wasn’t a one off_ , he mused. He’d fantasied about Toby telling him how he was forgiven and how much he loved him. It was one of the few things that had kept him from reverting to his immoral nature.

He lay there pondering his future as he spotted Dr Nathan approach his bed. She gave him a curt, though somewhat awkward smile, as she picked up his chart. As she thumbed through the documents she said, ‘I must say Keller your recovery nigh on miraculous. Two inches to the left and you’d be in the morgue.’

Keller sat up a little straighter, _no wonder O’Reily is so hung up on this one, h_ e reasoned. He craned his head, attempting to look at what she’d written. He spotted her left hand, she was still wearing her wedding ring, yet her husband had died almost a year ago.

 _Interesting_ , he thought, the cogs turning.

‘Doc your bedside manner is still my favourite part of the day,’ he flashed his trademark grin.

‘Flattery won’t get you out of here and back to Em City any sooner; besides McManus is coming to see you.’ She flatly replied, ignoring his attempt at flirting.

`Here’s hoping he brings me something this time, the food in this place is shit.’

Dr Nathan rolled her eyes, as she put the chart back on his bed, ‘you’re just full of it today aren’t you.’ Dr Nathan smiled ‘You must be better.’ She purred as she began to walk away.

‘What’s it like?’ Keller cooed to her.

Dr Nathan stopped, turned and made her way back to his bed. ‘What’s what like?’

‘Knowing your husband’s killers are so close by...’ he structured his expression to look sympathetic. In reality he was bored, and simply wanted to pass the time before his date with McManus.

It was common knowledge that Ryan O`Reily had orchestrated her husband’s murder, purely because he thought he was in the way of their relationship becoming more then doctor patient. It seemed more unbelievable that O’Reily manipulated his own handicapped brother to carry it out.

Apart from the boredom, Keller wanted to be fully prepared for his next and last meeting with Sister Pete. _My vulnerability needs to look real,_ he thought. She’d served her purpose, Toby was almost his and the last thing he wanted was the nun meddling.

Dr Nathan looked directly into his eyes; she had worked in OZ for too long to be intimidated by the likes of Keller. Her husband’s death was traumatic but she was slowly on her way back to normal.

‘It’s a daily struggle,’ she admitted, ‘but the only thing you can do is carry on with the day to day to occupy your mind.’

‘Hmm...Hmm,’ he nodded sympathetically

‘Why?’ She distrustfully met his gaze, ‘why do you ask?’

‘I`m just curious...’ his eye sparkled, ‘can’t a guy be curious?’ He grinned.

‘To tell you the truth I barely think about the O`Reily’s being here. As painful as losing my husband was, I must believe that justice’s been served.’ Dr Nathan stopped as the tears welled in her eyes, she refused to let a criminal see her cry. Unfortunately, Keller had already clocked that she still feels something by being so close to the O’Reily’s.

 _She shouldn’t of said barely,_ he thought.

‘I must believe that justice’s been served.’ She repeated with reinforced conviction.

But Keller had seen the look on her face many times before, first Bonnie then Beecher, the look of loss and fear. It usually turned him on, preying on the easy and defenceless, but for some reason he didn’t get that feeling with Dr Nathan.

_It’s all about Toby._

Instead of some smart ass comment, he opted for sympathy. He gave her a reassuring glance, one of the many he had learnt to use while obsessing over Beecher’s every look and move. It seemed to have worked; he felt her body language relax.

_Perfect, now for the fun part._

‘Don’t you ever think about how easy it would be?’ Keller lowered his voice to a deathly whisper, ‘how easy it would be to return the favour?’

Dr Nathan looked at him, ‘are you saying what I think your saying’

Keller’s eyes quickly switched to innocence, the last thing he wanted was for her to think he was offering to kill the O`Reily’s.

He merely wanted to study her expression and how she reacted to any emotional stress, _pure research that’s all._ He didn’t want her to think that he was anything like Schillinger. After all, before Keller he came to Em City, Schillinger tried to pay off a hack, to bump off Beecher.

‘All I`m saying is you’re a doctor, I`m sure you’ve had to treat at least one of them recently.’ He smoothly said, with a small chuckle. ‘Of course you have that oath thing...right...’

She felt her cheeks blush. She had thought about causing harm to the O`Reily’s in some way but it was purely a thought, not long after she saw Cyril get indicted and after Ryan practically admitted what his role was.

Keller intrinsically studied her face, especially her eyes. _The eyes always give the vulnerability away,_ he mused. He saw her eyes faintly twinkled as she thought about Ryan O`Reily, he’d seen that look himself in Beecher’s eyes. The look you unconsciously give when you think about the one you love.

‘...or is there a more emotional reason.’ He grinned.

Dr Nathan felt unnerved by his words; she was a medical professional and wouldn’t dream of committing such an act. But she couldn’t ignore the feelings she’d had for O`Reily before her husband’s death.

‘Go to hell.’ She flatly responded as she headed to her office. She didn’t notice his smug grin; _I could make it work for me_ , he wondered as he lay back into his pillow.

************************************************************

‘Ah McManus, you’ve finally decided to pay me a visit.’ Keller playfully called as he saw McManus talking with Dr Nathan. He saw the obligatory McManus roll of eyes; the yet another dealing with the same shit look.  It made Keller laugh inside.

He quickly gave McManus a once over, checking his motives.  Nothing out of ordinary; same four day old shirt, stale cologne filtered through the new and the exhausted look of a man who had one drink too many the night before. McManus wasn’t Keller’s biggest fan and the feeling was mutual. He fixed his stare onto McManus, as he approached, ‘what no grapes, I`m crushed,’ he mockingly said.

‘Cut the crap Keller, I`m not here for small talk.’ McManus seethed

‘Who got your panties in a bunch?’ Keller taunted.

McManus shot him daggers; he was in no mood to play games, ‘Shut the fuck up Keller. I need to ask a couple of questions before I allow you back into Em City.’

Keller smirked, ‘how masterful you are today McManus, you must’ve got laid.’

‘Keller, do you have any idea who stabbed you.’ McManus asked

Keller sat there thinking, making him stew. He knew from Toby’s letter, that McManus had put Schillinger as the perpetrator but regardless Keller wasn’t going to be a rat again, for no good reason. He noticed that McManus’s stare looked increasingly pissed, and he loved every second.

Keller slowly shook his head from side to side, he put on his best innocent face, ‘McManus what can I tell ya, it was dark, and uh I was attacked from behind and they left me to die.’ He paused and assessed McManus once more, ‘But you already knew that, huh.’

‘We got someone for it, yeah. I just needed to hear it from you. But if you say you didn’t see them, then my hands are tied.’

Keller narrowed his right eye a little as he tilted his head fractionally; the look Keller used when he wanted people to know he was thinking.

‘Who was it, my would be assassin?’ Keller asked, peaking his curiosity.

‘I thought you weren’t the ratting kind?’ McManus cynically asked.

Keller raised the corner of his lip, ‘I`m not, but that doesn’t mean you can’t tell me.’ He grinned, almost mockingly at McManus. He had to admit he was enjoying every minute of this exchange, especially as he knew who they pinned it on.

McManus took a deep breath, he found talking to Keller particularly draining, then steadily exhaled, ‘Fuck it, I`m sure you’ll hear about it soon enough. We got Schillinger, now he denies it but there’s too much bad blood to believe otherwise.’

Keller ruminated on this information, it was one thing reading about it, but it was a completely different thing to hear it officially, ‘Hmm, so poor old Vern is stuck in the hole, huh.’

‘Solitary,’ McManus corrected, ‘and has little chance of leaving anytime soon.’

Keller relaxed back into his bed, ‘So what does that mean for me?’

‘Unless you tell me who attacked you, Vern can only stay there for so long.’

‘Not gunna happen,’ he paused, he realised he could somehow incriminate Schillinger; _maybe I’ll bare all to the nun_ , he thought

‘But, I`m curious what did Schillinger have to say,’

McManus looked at him distrustfully, ‘he said that if it was him, you’d be dead.’

‘Huh, I never knew Vern was so modest. Maybe he’s gotten sloppy in his old age’ Keller grinned, giving nothing away.

‘Before I get Dr Nathan to clear you, tell me, are you planning revenge on the Brotherhood?

Keller glared at him and answered in an offended tone, ‘McManus, I`m insulted you even think that. Look, I`m not interested in revenge. Like you said, I didn’t see who did it, I`d have to be certain and I`ll never know.’

McManus looked at the smirking criminal in front of him; although he was certain that Keller knew exactly who stabbed him and left him for dead.

‘If something goes down, I`ll know exactly who to ask.’ McManus stated.

‘Scouts honour,’ Keller looked at him intensely with his mouth open a fraction forming a sinister smile. ‘I`m not looking for revenge; now can you get me out of here. My bedsores got bedsores. Keller smiled inanely at him; he didn’t want to push it too far. Keller was planning to be back in Em City that afternoon, he knew it would be stupid to upset McManus and fuck up that plan.

‘I’ve never seen anyone be so desperate to get back to Em City.’ McManus probed.

‘What can I say; I’ve miss watching Miss Sally’s Schoolyard.’ He sarcastically replied.

McManus smirked, rolled his eyes and shook his head, ‘let’s see what Dr Nathan can do for you.’ McManus strode towards Dr Nathan leaving Keller to muse over what really went down and who exactly was behind his little trip to the Benchley.

************************************************************

‘Home sweet home, ey Keller,’ Murphy snickered as they walked through the gate.

‘Really didn’t need an escort. I just got back...not planning a return visit.’

‘Keller if it was up to me, I wouldn’t be here either, but McManus insisted, just to ensure you’re not up to something.’ Murphy stated.

As they reached the pod Keller could see Beecher, alone in solitude. He’d fantasised seeing Beecher again, in the exact position he was in now. Propped up in the corner of his bunk, reading some book from the library; Keller didn’t know what it was but then again he wasn’t a fan of reading.

As Murphy continued to guide him closer and closer, Keller felt his body tremble he was so close to his Toby, so close to hearing his voice, taking in his scent.

Keller abruptly stopped, ‘I think I can take it from here.’

Murphy rolled his eyes, ‘McManus said....’

‘I get it; McManus wants to make sure I don’t do anything stupid. Murphy look around, what could I do between where we’re standing and the door to my pod?’ Keller flashed him a look of you know I`m right, followed by a broad grin.

Murphy surveyed the 10 metres between where they stood and the pod door; there didn’t appear to be any immediate threats. Against his better judgement, Murphy agreed, ‘fine but you go straight into your pod. You understand.’

Keller grinned and confidently walked toward the door. Just before he opened it he turned around and flashed Murphy an innocent look. _I was always going here first_.

Just like his return trip from Protective Custody, he saw Tobias was a world away in his book. _Oh Toby you’re so predictable, it’s one of the things I love about you._ Keller smiled warmly as he watched him for a few moments.

‘You look good without your beard Toby, very sexy.’ Keller flirtatiously purred as he closed the door.

Beecher dropped his book to his stomach, he rolled his eyes as he saw the figure in front of him, ‘so your back then,’ he feebly tried to sound indifferent.

‘You know, I was expecting a warmer welcome then that.’ Keller answered with a glimmer of hurt in his voice. He thought he knew how this would play out; he could tell something was different with Tobias, but he couldn’t grasp what.

‘Looks like there’s nothing but disappointments, huh?’ Tobias sinisterly mocked.

‘Great back to this...again, for Christ sake Toby. Will you ever stop this shit?’

‘Keller, why do you keep on at this?’ His eyes gleamed as he stared at Keller. ‘I get it you don’t work for Schillinger...anymore.’ His tone of voice sounded, almost reasonable. But no sooner had the words left his lips, a more sinister voice hissed, ‘you can stop with the pathetic puppy act, there is nothing you can do.’

‘Son of a Bitch,’ Keller uttered in a low tone, as he walked over to the sink. He ran the taps and splashed the cold water over his face. He was struggling to understand why Beecher was being so cold. Keller couldn’t wrap his head around what Beecher was thinking. Before all this, before the gym and the elaborate schemes, he thought he knew everything about Tobias Beecher.

Maybe _I need to do the one thing Toby wouldn’t expect...ask,_ he mused.

Keller didn’t feel comfortable asking Beecher exactly what his problem was. When he put himself in that position before, he ended up flying off the handle. He had been in and out of prisons long enough to understand, showing your own defenceless position is a very dangerous thing to do.

As Keller reached up for the small towel to dry his face, ‘I’ve proven I’ve got no ties to Schillinger or the rest of those Aryan fuckers.’ He threw the towel back ‘So why can’t you forgive me.’ He questioned.

‘I still can't trust you!’ Tobias raised his voice; he took a deep breath to try to relax. ‘I can't trust us! Christ I can’t even trust myself, around you, anymore. My fucking feelings.... ‘He scrunched his fists into a ball, as he was trying to stay calm.

Keller took one look and smiled broadly, ‘Oh Toby,’ He watched as Beecher rested his hands on his thighs, ‘you still don’t get it do you? Everything I’ve done is because of the feelings I have, which believe me doesn’t happen that often.’ Keller confidently told him.

He saw that Toby wasn’t buying it, so he decided to do something that even he thought was nuts, he was going to be completely exposed,

‘Toby... I trust you... I trust us.... Why can’t you do the same?’ Keller’s voice was breaking up and raw, an emotion he had never honestly shown before.

Beecher stared at Keller intensely, _what is his game_ ; he’d never heard Keller talk like that before. He couldn’t be sure if it was a scam or he was playing another twisted game. He thought it would only be fair if he was honest with him, after all he had seemed to have been honest with him.

‘Honestly, Kris, I don’t know.’ Tobias answered with a defeated tone. ‘At first I wanted to kill you, I hated you so much...’ he smirked ‘...and now...now I don’t feel anything... at all.’

‘You know I hate it when you say things like that.’

‘Feeling remorseful?’ Beecher mocked

‘I’ve got nothing to hide, I`m not proud of what I did but I can’t change it now. Haven’t you ever done things you’re not proud of?’ Keller felt the anger in his voice, he felt his hand tremble.

Beecher straightened up; he had to admit he was enjoying being on the other side of the mind-fuck, just for once, ‘that’s not fair, you know I do.’

‘Then you, of all people should understand.’ Keller stated.

 _What’s he up to_? Beecher couldn’t help but wonder.

‘Did I ever tell you the day of the accident, the day I took Kathy Rockwell’s life?’ Tobias’s tone had a distinct dark tone to it.

‘Once or twice, unless you count the nightmares,’ Keller answered.

‘When I realised what I had done, when I was taken away in the cop car; I was full of shame and self-loathing because it was an accident, I didn’t mean to kill her... but umm...Metzger...’ Tobias exhaled; his face became distinctly darker, a haunting smile trailed across his face, ‘that was sweet. As the life drained out of him...’ His smile grew wider, in some way proud, ‘...Aryan fuck.’

‘Toby, what did you do to Metzger?’ Keller asked, already assuming the answer.

‘Nothing that cocksucker didn’t deserve,’ he paused, looked over to the observation deck before he sinisterly said, ‘Don’t you remember, they never did find who did it.’

Tobias turned his attention to Keller and noticed the tinge of fear in his face. ‘Do you know what else was sweet?’ He waited for Keller’s eyes to betray his thoughts, before he disturbingly grinned, ‘sticking that shank in you back.’

Keller looked puzzled at what Tobias had just revealed. A small part of him had considered that it could’ve him that shanked him. He was barely able to say, ‘it was you,’ his voice betraying the hurt he felt.

‘Didn’t consider that huh?’ Beecher’s voice had become uncharacteristically confident, almost Kelleresque. ‘Hiding in the storage room, in the dark... watching you stack copying paper, believing you were safe from attack, let your guard...’

Tobias broke off, he decided to play Keller at his own game, he wanted him to feel the same uncertainty that he felt. He lifted himself up further into the corner of the wall, _I wanna see his face when I tell him_ , he ruminated, allowing his dark side to take over his motives.

Maliciously and intently staring at Keller, he re-enacted the shank going into his back, ‘...and then boom,’ he stabbed the imaginary shank, for a second time, with more force, ‘boom... baby!’

Keller’s blood ran cold. He felt the pain and betrayal course through his veins, it was a new feeling for Keller and he didn’t like it, _Son of a bitch_. Keller was doing everything he could to keep it together; it had crossed his mind that Tobias was capable of such a thing. He’d clung on to the fact, deep down, Tobias still loved him.

Keller hooked his arm across the nearest corner of the top bunk. He looked directly into Tobias’s eyes, in a honest and heartfelt plea asked, ‘Toby was it you?’

Tobias quickly dropped the bravado and returned to his more innocent expressive self, ‘Nah...for a second, you believed it could’ve been. Didn’t ya, but I’m just a little bitch, I couldn’t do anything,’ He excitedly called.

Keller took as step back, trying to comprehend what had just happened. He lay on his bunk; disturbed by the whole experience. His Toby wouldn’t do that to him: ‘Beecher, how did you know what I was doing if you weren't there. How did you know I was the shelving copy paper?’

 **‘** Hmm... Maybe it was me.  Shit, guess you’ll never know...will you?’ Beecher teased.

Keller intently listened to Tobias, Keller didn’t know whether to believe him or not. He decided that he didn’t need to know the truth, although he hoped that the shank in the back proved that they were even.

‘I`m not playing games here Beecher, McManus told me that can’t keep Schillinger in solitary forever unless there’s good reason.’ Keller said a hint panic in his voice. The last thing he wanted or needed was to see Vern Schillinger anytime soon.

‘There’s no way he’ll get out of there, not after I told McManus that I saw Metzger and Schillinger head towards that old boiler room they found him in.’ Beecher smirk grew dark once more.

‘Fuck,’ Keller was almost shocked by what Tobias had revealed. ‘So what happens now?’ He questioned.

‘Fuck knows.’ Tobias answered, as he returned to reading his book.

Keller cradling his head with his hands on the wall, all the time regretting the day Operation Toby was agreed.


	16. Check up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keller's latest session with Sister Pete.  
> He is tired of the interfering nun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies that this chapter has taken a while to write. Life and writer's block got in the way.  
> I hope you enjoy it and thank you to everyone that has read it so far.

Over familiar beige surroundings, piles of paper seemed to be everywhere, various forms of Jesus and, of course, Beecher’s desk tempting him; it just fed into the tedium Keller felt every time he came to her office. He sat back in his chair as he waited for Sister Pete to finish gathering his paperwork. It was just another one of her rituals, he had first found amusing and now they just bored him.

Annoyingly, Sister Pete still insisted on separating him and Beecher during these sessions and their group session usually turned into a strained, verbal attack that flooded the room with intense sexual tension; that left Keller aching to hit and fuck Beecher at the same time.

‘Where did we get up to, before we ran out of time, last session?’ Sister Pete chirped.

Keller was too busy surveying the room, to take notice of anything she was saying. Just like the overtly familiar surroundings; he’d become bored of these sessions, their sole purpose was to make her feel sorry for his situation and get her to  convince Beecher to forgive him; not drag up his own insecurities and his dark past. When he realised she had stopped talking, he made a generalisation,

 ‘Isn’t it in my file?’ His eyes flickered, briefly, at the thick stack on her desk; before he teasingly added, ‘I know you write everything I say down.’

 _No wonder Beecher struggles so much,_ _with him,_ she thought, as she dejectedly sighed. Sister Pete quickly leafed through the file until she found it.

‘Ah here it is.’

She noticed how Keller had leaned forward, a futile attempt to see what had been written about him. She quickly closed the file, interlaced her hands and placed them on top of it. Sister Pete knew the subject was a touchy one, ‘Schillinger,’

Keller threw himself back into the chair, ‘him again...’ he huffed, which quickly morphed into a smug smile, ‘I thought he was safely locked away in solitary.’

Sister Pete chuckled, and gently shook her head. They both knew that it was Kris’s go to deflection tactic; she’d noted a long time ago that his own self-loathing dominated his every word, action, and possibly thought.

‘Kris, we wouldn’t still be on this topic, if you were honest and told me the truth not what you want me to hear, and yes, I`m afraid that includes Schillinger.’  Sister Pete sat back into her chair, resting her hands on her lap.

‘Now how would you define your relationship with Schillinger during your time at Lardner?’

He sat there musing; it’s not something he’d ever thought about, something he never wanted to think about, but he was certain that it was something he wanted to keep buried. She had no right to pry into his mind, no right to dig around into his past, which was his and needed to stay dead. Keller had decided, long ago, that Schillinger was merely a closeted fag, who liked fucking men he found attractive, he liked to control everything and everyone around him. Unlike, most of the pricks that blindly pledged their allegiance, Keller saw right through Schillinger, even in the early days; he just played along. It was the key to his survival; everything Keller did was to ensure he survived no matter the personal and emotional cost.

Keller noticed she had a new image of the Virgin Mary hanging on the wall behind her; he briefly wondered where it came from. He didn’t think nuns had money, then again Sister Pete wasn’t just a nun...she was also a psychologist. If it was any other session, he may have wasted 20 minutes pretending to listen to the long winded story of how she acquired it and how frivolous she had been getting it in the first place.  Instead, uncharacteristically, the picture made him think of Schillinger; even he found that connection disturbing.

_Maybe that’s why I don’t understand religion, why it still has a hold over Beecher; if it lets the mind conjure images like that._

He continued to glance at the image, ‘what’s that thing...aaaa...ya know....when you first join a convent?’

‘You mean a postulant?’ She answered curiously.

‘Yer.... Schillinger was like Lardner’s Mother Superior...watching over us postulants... that was just Vern’s way of showing he cared.’ Keller cockily said, but his eyes betrayed him; they had grown dark and seething.

Sister Pete let out an involuntary giggle; she couldn’t resist mentally picturing Schillinger in a habit and walking around as a nun, it wasn’t pretty. On some level the mere thought of Schillinger guiding the vulnerable, through their first few days in a totally alien environment, was not a pretty sight.

‘So Schillinger was your guide in those tentative years, the one who set you on the path to adulthood.’

‘If you say so,’ he lazily responded.

His interactions with Sister Pete had become like his marriages, predictable and, in this instance, figuratively sexless. So now he treated her like did with his ex-wives, by making them feel insignificant and adrift.

‘This is exactly my point.’ She felt herself getting angry. ‘How can we move onto other topics if you keep behaving like this?’ She wondered if she’d wasted her time working with such a man.

Keller snorted at her in disgust, ‘still playing that game, huh. Come on Sister don’t you get tired of hearing the tale of Schillinger waltzing around Lardner like he was a motherfucking king.’ He craned his head, ‘or is it a different fantasy you had in mind.’

‘Chris, you’re doing it again.’ Sister Pete scolded.

‘Shit Sister, I’m tired of talking and listening about that Aryan fuck.’ He scoffed, ‘every time I come here, you try and pull more information out of me that just isn’t there.’

‘Then why don’t you just tell me what was there.’

‘Hmm.’ He took a moment to watch her squirm. ‘For some people prison can be a very... lonely place.’ He leaned forward; sporting that inane grin that he knew made her feel very uncomfortable. ‘Now for men like Schillinger, men who control everything in their lives, prison can be...’ He coldly smiled, ‘what’s the word, when you don’t feel like a real man?’

‘Emasculated?’ She proffered.

‘Yer, so when they get to their new homes, the only way to get their masculinity back is to pray on the weak.’ Keller scratched his face before his expression turned stone cold, ‘Vern’s very good at targeting the weaklings.’ He darkly smiled, ‘filled them with the promise of taking them under his wing, look out for them, hell he used to offer to protect them.’

‘And is that what he said to you?’ Sister Pete queried

His smile dropped, ‘I`ve told you I let him think he did...’

‘...to survive, yes I know, but there is one thing I just can’t understand. You were 17 when you were sent to Lardner; there must been some level of fear, I mean prison is a step up from Juvy. You expect me to believe that you had complete control over your surroundings, at 17.’

‘I’m not asking you to believe anything. You’re the one who wants my feelings laid bare.’ He said enigmatically.

Sister Pete sensed that Keller was acting out defensively, ‘let’s take a different approach; how do you know how Schillinger operated before you got here?’

‘That’s easy... Beecher. Remember I share with him; and he can be quiet chatty if you know what buttons to press.’ He flirtatiously trailed off, which made Sister Pete’s skin crawl.

‘So the two of you are speaking again?’

‘Mmm hmm.’ Keller’s eyes flickered, a small involuntary movement.

‘How did that happen?’ She questioned, after all Beecher hadn’t mentioned it in their meetings. She did her best to hide her shock, and disappointment in Beecher; she’d hoped he’d moved past the draw of Keller by now.

‘He realised he needs me. You see Sister, Beecher, even though he’d deny it, he likes being controlled.’ He stopped, and gauged her reaction.  He grinned, she looked suitably horrified.  He composed himself, before he continued,

‘Not anything seedy, you must understand Sister. Before coming here Beecher had to control his entire life and you know what a train wreck that always ended in...’

Keller tried his best to imitate Beecher holding an imaginary martini glass, ‘...one martini for the road.’ Keller always thought it was funny that he’d spent so much time in the rehabilitation group and yet was constantly fantasising about his first drink when he got out.

 _So much for sobriety_ , he thought.

‘Even when he first got to Oz, he quickly fell into the role of prag. He could’ve escaped Schillinger sooner; it’s not difficult to outsmart a man like that. But, without that experience Beecher wouldn’t’ve known what it was like to be totally helpless. And without that, Sister, he wouldn’t be the man he is now.’

Sister Pete tried to suppress how uncomfortable she was by what he was saying. To her it sounded like he wanted to possess Beecher and orchestrate every move he made. Finally, she asked, ‘Do you see yourself as the one to control him now?’

Keller slowly licked the centre of his top lip before he smiled curtly,

‘I don’t plan to control him, I love him, Sister. Besides I couldn’t control him, even if I wanted to.’ He sat back and watched her intently. He enjoyed watching people; he studied their expressions and reactions, allowing the atmosphere to intensify.

‘I want to protect him...at all costs...Sister.’

Sister Pete found this cryptic form of Keller’s behaviour increasingly frustrating and exhausting. She’d wondered for some time, what exactly was the point of these sessions. She’d gotten glimpses of his potential motives but could never pin it to one motivation. However she was certain that it clearly wasn’t to help himself as she initially thought.

 _He is the most irritating yet complex patient I have ever seen_ **,** she considered as she watched him sinisterly grin at her.

‘What do you mean by all costs, exactly? Would you kill for him, let’s face it Kris part of your conviction is for murder.’

‘Again with dragging up the past,’ He smiled childishly, ‘you just don’t know when to quit, do you?’

‘Chris,’ she raised her eyebrow in suspicion.

Keller couldn’t resist broadly grinning at her, it was almost cat like. He knew he had to tread carefully, part of his plan was to pin his unfortunate incident in the storage room on Schillinger. Part of his Operation Toby 2.0 was to remove the obstacle of Schillinger, without getting separated or extra time added to his sentence.

‘Do you know what it’s like to want somebody and I'm not talking about sex. Just...to...touch...’ Keller seductively uttered, as his mind traced an image of Beecher, showering.

‘What are you getting at?’ Sister Pete queried

Keller refocused, ‘How everything aches when you see them, how you try to orchestrate an innocent brush against them.’ He leaned into the desk, ‘that’s why I will do anything for Beecher, at all costs. That’s what he does to a guy like me...and I`ll do anything to keep it that way.’ Keller lingered over the desk a little while. He knew he was so close to making Beecher his, there was one small obstacle in the way...her.

Sister Pete watched him, whilst she did believe that Keller was infatuated by the idea of loving Beecher; evidence of sociopathic behaviour suggested that Keller is unable to truly love someone.

‘So...when you first came to me you said that you went along with Schillinger’s plan because you wanted him to love you no matter what. Now it sounds like you are considering a future with him... I`ve got to ask...what changed?’

‘Having a shank in my back,’ Keller plainly stated.

Although he had no intention of telling her who did stab him, which would interfere with the plan, he did want to reinforce McManus’s accepted suspect...Schillinger.

‘It must’ve been a very traumatic experience for you?’ Sister Pete offered.

‘I`m still alive Sister so...’

‘So, how did the incident in the storage room change your perspective?’

Keller reverted to his confident disposition and broadly grinned as he began to explain, ‘As I pulled myself across the storage room floor all I could think about was, what if I never see him again. I couldn’t handle that.’

‘Meaning you were driven to survive not suddenly realise that you want to be in a relationship with someone.’

‘You’ve seen my file, you’ve heard about my past relationships, so you must understand that it took my relationship with Beecher to make me realised that I’d found the perfect person.’

‘And how did that manifest?’

‘Well after my surgery I know Beecher was desperate to see me; that’s when I knew he loved me again.’ Keller stopped, a solemn look once again made an appearance, ‘shame he won’t admit it to himself.’

Sister Pete remembered that conversation between herself and Tobias and she had similar suspicions then. She quickly decided not to pursue it any further. She cleared her throat before she asked,

‘Surely it surprised you that one of your former protectors was responsible for your near fatality?’

Keller’s face turned dark and brooding, as he soothingly whispered, ‘hell hath no fury... huh Sister?’

‘Because you betrayed Schillinger for Beecher, and I suppose Schillinger wanted to make an example of you. I hear he hoped you’d be dead with the multiple injures you sustained.’

‘Vern doesn’t like it when his underlings disobey him. Anyway that was long after I set my plan in motion.’

Keller couldn’t resist grinning at her, he found it amusing that she hadn’t worked out that he’d been playing her since the first session, ‘that’s where you came in’

‘Care to explain?’

‘When I got back from PC, I quickly grasped that Beecher wasn’t going to forgive what I did. I tried my way but it was pointless.’ He trailed off ensuring she could hear him say, ‘usually saying sorry was enough, but not with him.’

Keller then shifted his attention back to Beecher’s desk, and said ‘he was more of a challenge for me, I like that kind of challenge. It keeps things exciting.’

‘Go on,’ she intriguingly said

‘So, Beecher needed someone he could trust to encourage him to change his mind about what I have done. I needed someone who could see past what I had done. I also needed someone who could keep him calm.’

Sister Pete’s heart raced; suddenly it clicked into place. Keller had been talking about her the entire time. She desperately wanted to say something in rebuttal, but she was sat back in her chair...speechless.

Keller’s smile broadened, ‘You understand now. I knew you’d get there in the end. See I knew that you could. You could talk Beecher round for me; you could counsel him when he was conflicted by what he felt....most importantly you could convince him to forgive me.’

Sister Pete was enraged; she had been so patient with him only to be told that it was all part of an elaborate scheme.

‘Tell him how sorry you are, how much you love him and that deep inside he knows that loves you.’ She stated in disbelief.

Keller beamed; his eyes lit up like a man possessed.

‘And this is what it’s all been about hasn’t it....’she spat.

As she sat there musing about, whether or not to bring these sessions to an end she hadn’t noticed what Keller had been doing all this time, he’d been manipulating her. It was her biggest misconception of him, she thought that he acted out like a petulant child; in fact he simply hated the fact she was trying to understand the motivation behind the behaviours.

Early on in his sessions Keller had caught sight of Sister Pete’s psychology doctorate, and had considered it as an opportunity to force her to question her core beliefs as a professional. As the sessions went on, he’d successfully planted the seeds that made her question her faith, which was bolstered by Beecher letting slip that she’d been seeing her own shrink more often as she’d begun to doubt her faith. 

‘Why did you choose to prowl inside our heads?’ Keller asked curiously, deflecting away from his bold revelation.

‘I thought I could help... there is the rare occasion that I can get an inmate to slightly change their perspective and handle their experiences here a little better. You know better than most what prison can do to a man.’

As Sister Pete was talking, Keller took it upon himself to begin playing with the trinkets on her desk; he always found them more interesting then her.  From the outside it appeared that Keller was ignoring what she was saying; but he was intently listening for key phrases and he didn’t need to wait long.

Keller put the small cameo down and rested his elbow on the desk, ‘Slightly.....,’ he smirked at her, ‘it must be difficult for you as a professional.’

Sister Pete looked a little flustered, ‘It’s rare that someone has a dramatic breakthrough. For some it’s a long road that takes time.

Keller put his other elbow on the table and rested his chin on his interlaced hands, once again appearing to be listening intently.

‘Surely it frustrates you?

She felt her cheeks flush, ‘No...No ...that’s part of the... er... job... not to take things personally.’

 _JACKPOT_ , Keller thought; exactly what he’d waited for. Finally, he had what he needed; her weakness she feels personally responsible for the prisoners’ failings.

‘Must be tough. Especially for someone like you; who always searches for the good?’

Sister Pete relaxed in her chair, ‘it can be...sometimes.’

Keller made an over exaggerated sympathetic gesture,‘especially in here... you know it’s not your fault.... you shouldn’t blame yourself.’

Sister Pete looked bemused, ‘for what?’

Keller grinned at her inanely,‘that no matter how hard you try...your patients don’t and won’t get better....’

Her entire body ran cold, a common thing during Keller’s session, but this was particularly chilling. She looked up at the clock, willing the session to come to end so she could process everything that had been said.

Keller continued,‘but you still try to find ways to fix them; all the time carrying that burden of...what if...you’re just not good enough.’ As he finished his sentence he maniacally sneered at his latest victim.

Sister Pete sat back in her chair; she was stunned by what he had said. Ever since these sessions had started; she’d questioned her entire purpose at Oz.

He made little attempt to look innocent or remorseful, ‘let me tell you a little secret Sister...ever since our last session...’

She nodded, unable to speak.

‘...I`ve been afraid to....afraid to uncover more about myself; the reality is I hate myself...’ Keller involuntarily nodded to reassure himself of his statement.

‘...I`m damaged and dangerous, Sister, and there is no one that can fix that....’

The buzzer for visiting hours abruptly cut the session short, Keller was in no rush to stick around,

‘...can’t be late...Angelique is waiting.'

As he left Keller smiled, 'Bye Sister,' he called as he left.


	17. Unified

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keller is tantalizingly close to getting what he wants. Or is he?

 

Johann Friedrich von Schiller once said, ‘even the weak become strong when they are united.’ Now being a philosopher you think he’d know a thing or two about unity.  In here it’s a rare commodity; the nearest we get close to is if someone wants to dominate someone else for their own benefit.

Outside of Oz, unity is taken for granted.

You see it everywhere; husbands, wives, fiancés, boyfriends, girlfriends even friends taking advantage of each other; ignoring the things that unified them in the first place.

The question is how far are you willing to go to admit that you’re willing to sacrifice everything for the safety of being together.  When is it ok to risk everything and win?

**Prisoner #95H522**

************************************************************

‘What the fuck have you done to Pete?’ Tobias barked as he walked into the pod.

Keller was lounging on his bunk reading one of his many letters from Bonnie. He’d fleetingly glanced up from his letter as he heard the door close.

Beecher knew Keller had heard him; it always annoyed him when Keller did that.

‘Chris, what did you do to Pete?’

‘Toby, do you mind...Trying to read here.’

‘Chris...what did you do to Pete?’ His voice sounded steadier than his previous attempt.

Keller put the letter down; he looked up at Tobias, ‘what makes you think I`ve done anything.’ He innocently asked.

Beecher’s face was just how Keller liked it, brooding and sexy. Sometimes he thought he was completely unaware of how attractive he was looking like that and others he thought he did it to piss him off.

‘I`ve just got back from Pete’s office.’ Tobias began, as he walked closer to Keller, he stopped and rested his arm over the bunk frame. He felt like he was in the court room again, addressing the judge and jury.

‘She’s all over the fucking place. She said you’ve missed your last two sessions with her and you’ve pulled out of the programme.

Keller glared at him before he picked up his letter and resumed mock reading, ‘so what if I have. Since when did you become my personal secretary?’ He said intently focused on the letter.

Beecher slammed his arm into his flimsy mattress, ‘damn it Chris, I thought you’d changed. I thought you wanted us to have a future.’ He paused to gather his thoughts. He continue to glare at Keller, who felt it burn into him.

‘What happened to everything for us...or was that just another fucking lie.’ he felt defeated; he didn’t know how much more he could take.

Keller continued to imitate reading Bonnie’s letter; like her he found the letter’s contents pathetic but it was a small price to pay; as ignoring him led to Beecher becoming enraged. Keller found this somewhat intended reaction, a heady mix of anger and frustration, a more fulfilling venture.

After making him wait, heightening both their mutual pain and sexual frustration; Keller flatly answered,

‘Still going on about that are we?’ He raised the letter covering his face, hiding a broadening smirk; sometimes even he couldn’t help himself.

‘Chris, will you stop your bullshit, just tell me... what happened with Pete,’ his voice distinctly calmer than his previous attempts.

Keller rubbed his forehead, torturing Beecher was tiring. Finally, he relented and put the letter away and refocused his attention on Toby. He stared at him, gradually intensifying his gaze as Beecher simmered. Keller narrowed his eyes, appearing to study every detail of Tobias’s face. This always made Beecher feel a little unnerved and somewhat fearful by the number of possible answers he could come out with.  After a few minutes Keller relaxed his expression, smiled and smoothly said,

‘What makes you think I`ve done anything?

Tobias paced the pod as he said, ‘she’s a fucking wreck Chris.’

Keller smiled devilishly, ‘so you said.’  The mental image of her having a break down was too much for him to resist thinking about.  As Tobias stopped and stared at him; Keller tried to feign innocence, but of course he knew him better than that.

‘Chris don’t even try it,’ he scolded.

‘You sound very sexy like that,’ Keller purred, still reeling from Tobias using his name so comfortably. _So close_ he thought.

‘Stop it,’ Beecher perpetuantly responded, it was becoming harder to resist him.

Keller cast a lingering gaze, purposefully slowing to savour Beecher’s chest, ample crotch, and strong thighs. He particularly liked the idea of pulling Tobias close to him, kneel down, open his fly using his teeth, before giving him the best blow job of his life.

Quickly, he flickered his attention back to Tobias’s eyes, ‘so you’re blaming me because....’ he trailed off.

Beecher rolled his eyes, ‘because all she keeps talking about is to stay away from you.’ He folded his arms like a disappointed parent, ‘she says you’re dangerous.’

Keller’s eyes darkened, ‘wonder why she said that?’ He huffed and folded his arms across his chest, he was pissed.

Tobias smirked and shook his head, ‘did you ever look at her like that?’ He questioned with an unusual hint of flirtation.

Keller grinned broadly, could Toby, at last, be on his wave length.

‘Why jealous?’ He lingered

‘Fuck you.’ Beecher responded, with a hint of a smile.

Beecher decided to put this game of cat and mouse on pause, climbed up onto his bunk and unconsciously took up his usual position, enabling him to see the Rec area and monitor Keller at the same time.

He’d begrudgingly, privately, admitted that he was at his happiest when it was just him and Keller. So much had happened since they first met. Beecher fell in lust then love and then over-ridding pain when he was rejected. He lay back for a moment and began to consider if he should finally tell Keller the truth about how he felt, that it was him that shanked him and how he hoped that he would believe him and not see it as yet another mind fuck. After all this time and all this inner torment, he couldn’t escape the simple fact that he loved Keller more then he thought possible and how he couldn’t see life without him.

Just as he built up the courage, Keller whined, ‘don’t tell me you’re sulking now.’

‘I am not sulking,’ Tobias glanced into the mirror to see Keller staring back grinning. He quickly looked away and repeated, ‘I am not sulking,’ he paused. Maybe a different tack may be more rewarding.

‘Maybe Pete is right and maybe I should get McManus to ship me out.’

‘You wouldn’t dare.’ Keller barked as he got up and stared at him.

‘Prove me wrong then...tell me what you did.’ Tobias responded not breaking the stare.

Keller balled up his hands, enraged he slammed them into the bunk’s cold metal frame,

‘This is bullshit.’ He turned away and began pacing, an attempt to calm down, ‘why does she always have to interfere with us... telling you I’m dangerous.’

‘Then just tell me.’ Tobias exhaled, getting frustrated that a simple question had become a simmering fight waiting to erupt.

‘Why...huh...why is this so important?’ Keller stopped and returned to his previous position at Beecher’s bunk. His expression suddenly softened, it looked almost vulnerable, ‘Toby...please.’

He walked away and positioned himself by the mirror, ‘why can’t you just trust me?’ He exhaustedly said, gripping the cold metal basin.

Tobias sighed, bowed his head and began to massage the corner of his temple. He felt like this conversation was stuck on a loop. Whenever Keller was backed into a corner he would pull out the trust me statement. Months before, Beecher would’ve told him exactly why he didn’t but after their joint sessions with Sister Pete (which usually ended up in a shouting match) he had learnt that he wouldn’t win that way.

‘Chris, we’ve been over this a thousand times. I`m not making this a thousand and one.’ Beecher stated.

‘I know...just like to hear you say it.’ Keller teased.  He turned around to face him and began to smirk but by the look on Beecher’s face, he decided to revert back to the sink. When Beecher was in a mood like that (lawyer mode) anything he said pissed him off.

An awkward and tense silence pulsed through the pod. Both men were desperate to know what the other was going to say next. Beecher had once again settled into the corner of his bunk thinking how much easier everything would be if he had a Martini in his hand. As he had finished the last imaginary drop and proffer his fantasy glass to the imaginary bar tender to make him another.

Tobias heard the pod door swing and click shut. He didn’t look or even wonder where Keller was going, instead he slumped a little further into his corner, returned to his imaginary bar and began to sip his second cocktail, murmuring

‘If only he could be solved with a Martini.’

**********************************************************************

‘Come on five more...come on... five more.’ Ryan coached as he gripped the bag.

‘But Ryan I`m tried.’ Cyril naively whined.

Ryan looked at his brother like a disapproving parent. He was aware that it would be difficult to have Cyril with him in Oz, but he also knew it was the only option to keep him safe. When Cyril first arrived he was thrown into Gen pop and the clutches of Schillinger; who used Cyril’s vulnerability to viciously attack him, Ryan had never been able to forgive himself for that.

Before Cyril’s accident, he was the muscle man in Ryan’s gang and was often found in the ring or training in the gym. So when Murphy suggested a boxing tournament, Ryan immediately saw it as an opportunity to make some decent money and establish the idea that Cyril shouldn’t be fucked with, handicap or not.

‘Cyril listen. If you don’t train you won’t win, and you wanna win...don’t you?’ Ryan pressed, his patience was wearing thin.

Cyril innocently looked at him, smiled and said, ‘Ok Ryan. I`ll do some more.’ He then started jabbing the bag, with Ryan offering encouragement here and there.

Ryan was about to try and persuade Cyril to do another set, when he saw an incensed Keller walk in and head straight to the bench press. He ruefully smiled, before turning to Cyril and encouragingly said, ‘great job Cyril.’

‘Thank you Ryan,’ he trustingly smiled.

‘Hey Cyril, I need to go over there and talk to Keller. Take five! Ok?’ as he finished the sentence Ryan noticed the concern in his face. Since his attack Cyril didn’t like to be too far from Ryan, ‘it’s ok Cyril, I’ll watch you from the bench press ok?’

Cyril’s facial expression immediately relaxed, ‘ok Ryan,’ and he walked to the bench.

Keller had already begun his third set by the time O`Reily appeared. Before, O`Reily had uttered a single word Keller spat, ‘Piss off O`Reily.’

‘Now that’s not very nice.’ O`Reily teased, ‘still nowhere with Beecher huh?’

Keller ignored him and continued his set. Ryan took this as permission to continue baiting him, ‘I`ve never had to work that hard for a fuck.’

‘Fuck you, asshole’

‘Jesus Keller, you really need to get laid.

Keller set the bar down, ‘O`Reily if you know what’s good for you, get out of my face.’  Keller’s eyes seemed to turn black with rage. But O`Reily didn’t budge, until something disturbing caught his eye, on the other side of the mesh wall. Instinctively he knew he was the least of Keller’s problems. He backed off,

‘Ok...ok... But er... you might wanna turn around.’ O`Reily nervously grinned as he walked away.

Keller resumed his workout. Suddenly, he felt like someone was behind him,

 _Nah,_ he thought, _it’s a mesh wall_. Keller shook the feeling off and had barely resumed his set when a sly yet unnerving voice drifted into his consciousness,

‘Hey Keller, miss me?’

He froze, every muscle tensed he had hoped he’d never hear that voice again. Once again he set the bar down but remained bolt upright on the equipment, not wanting to face the man behind the voice.

‘Thought you were tucked away in solitary?’ Keller tried to make light of the surprise, truth was he was pissed off. _What the fuck_ raced through his mind.

‘You know better than most what I`m capable of,’

Keller begrudgingly got up from the bench and faced the man he thought he’d never see again, ‘there’s me thinking I`d spend my days knowing you’d never see the light of day.’

‘Life’s full of disappointments huh Keller.’ Schillinger sarcastically mocked.

Keller seethed, but he was smart enough not to bite. Instead he enigmatically and studied his former mentor, ‘how the hell did you get out of solitary?’

‘As hard as McManus tried, he couldn’t prove I shanked you. I think we both know if I did you wouldn’t still be breathing.’ Schillinger grinned menacingly, ‘come on Keller surely you know who did it? I mean it’s not like half of Gen Pop wants you dead after you became a rat.’

‘Like that matters now.’ Keller flatly responded

Schillinger looked at him suspiciously, he had a sinister glint in his eye, ‘you know...don’t you?’ A shark like grin grew across his face, ‘it was Bitcher wasn’t it?’ He paused, ‘huh... I have to say you’re losing your touch.’

Keller maintained his poke face, _how the fuck_ he thought, he smiled back, moved closer to the mesh and ominously whispered, ‘I`m telling you what I told McManus... it was dark,’ his eyes locked with Schillinger’s.

Schillinger broke the stare, looked away, shook his head before thrusting out his arm through the mesh and grabbed Keller’s crotch. He grinned gleefully as Keller tried to suppress the pleasure he felt.

‘Have it your way, but remember to be careful if you let Beecher suck your dick.’ Schillinger grinned imitating a biting motion, ‘or are you sucking his,’ he paused, ‘you were always very good at that,’ his grin grew wider, ‘remember?’

Keller stood away from the mesh, he looked pissed. He briefly glared at Schillinger before he smirked, shook off the emotion he’d suppressed as he darkly growled, ‘fuck you.’

He couldn’t take Schillinger’s presence for much longer. He’d come to the gym to escape a problem not be confronted by another. Keller turned away; a feeble attempt to leave Schillinger detected it immediately,

‘Keller you know better than that,’ he remarked coyly.

Keller threw his head back, dejectedly and smirked disgustedly, s _on of a bitch._ He turned back resumed his confident external mask, strode back to the bars, maintaining an out of reach distance, and sinisterly said,

‘Oh Vern if they knew all of your dark secrets they would’ve left you in solitary and forgotten you existence.’

Schillinger brewed with rage, ‘ now you ain’t planning on telling McManus anymore stories.’

Keller grinned inanely at him, ‘as long as you behave yourself, McManus doesn’t need to know anything.’

‘Oh Keller you forget, without you there would be no story to tell.’

 _Fuck_ , raced through Keller’s mind; he hadn’t factored that aspect. His change in expression hasn’t gone unnoticed by Schillinger, which he’d acknowledged with a victorious grin.

‘But we both know it won’t come to that, don’t we?’ Schillinger’s eyes narrowed, ‘you know if I wanted you dead I would’ve succeeded by now.’

‘Yer...’ Keller flatly responded

‘No need to pout.’ He smiled, ‘you were always the best prag I ever created, so obedient...hell I`d even say you were perfect.’

Keller felt the hairs on the back of his neck prickle; the sheer thought of being Schillinger’s favourite disgusted him. However, it also encouraged him to use this crucial information as leverage. Once more he starred at his former cellie, concealing the slim hope that Schillinger will accept. He relaxed his body and facial expression.

‘Alright then Vern, how about we make a deal, no tricks, just a simple deal between the two of us...a truce.’ Keller begrudgingly flirtatiously proffered.

Schillinger curiously looked at him, ‘I`m listening.’

‘It’s so simple even you can understand it.’ He revelled in his unsubtle dig.

‘Get to the point Keller.’

‘Leave Beecher to me and McManus never needs to know...do you need me to draw pictures?’

Schillinger laughed then quietly mused, ‘and how will it benefit me?’

‘Hmmm...Let me think, you get to lord it over B block for the rest of your days.’

Schillinger looked at him curiously as he continued, ‘leave Beecher to me.’ Keller sneered.

‘Why?’ Schillinger stated,’ planning to play house together!’

Keller’s whole being filled with intense rage, ‘just leave him to me.’ Keller narrowed his eyes, _it needs to look perfect_ , he edged a fraction closer to the mesh. Keller’s voice dropped to a deathly whisper; ‘I know you didn’t shank me so it could only ha...’ his voice purposefully trailed off and gave Schillinger a knowing nod.

 Schillinger responded with an almost gleeful smile, ‘and McManus stays out of the way?’

‘Scouts-honour,’ Keller mocked, imitating the salute.

‘Alright Keller, you’ve gotten yourself a deal.’

‘No tricks. I stay out of your way and you stay out of mine.’ He outstretched his arm through the mesh to seal the truce.

Schillinger momentarily hesitated before he outstretched his arm, ‘no tricks,’ he repeated as he firmly shook Keller’s hand.

Schillinger was the first to break the shake before heading back to his fellow brotherhood members. As he left he called back,

‘You better know what you’re letting yourself in for.’

Keller remained in his position, his arms folded across his chest, ‘Toby’s protected against you....asshole.’

He quietly mumbled, as he headed to another piece of equipment to try and relax and, more importantly, plan his next move.

 ********************************************************************************

As Keller returned to Em City, his agreement with Schillinger hung heavy. How would it play out, would Toby understand, what happens if he’s double crossed and would it jeopardise his carefully crafted plan. All he knew for certain was that he couldn’t dwell on it; instead he relaxed into a vacant chair and began to mindlessly watch a collection of screens. It was a rare moment for him, his short time in Em City had already thrown up so much; he started out as an enforcer only to fall for his target.

As he sat there mindlessly watching the latest news bulletin, he felt someone press into his shoulder. He spun round, ready to tell his intruder to fuck off, when he saw it was Beecher. Immediately his face relaxed, as it always did when he saw him,

‘Quitting time already,’ Keller mocked, ‘and how is my favourite nun?’

Beecher rolled his eyes in annoyance, before deflatedly asking, ‘this seat taken?’

‘How formal,’ Keller responded, turned back and grinned, ‘just sit the fuck down.’

Begrudgingly Beecher followed the order and immediately focused on the news bulleting about Governor Devlin’s latest proposal to re-instate the death penalty.

’Son of a bitch,’ Tobias angrily muttered, ‘he won’t be happy until we’re all in a box six feet under.’

Keller chuckled, ‘Yer, then he’ll complain we’re taking up too much space.’

Tobias looked over to him and smiled, ‘that one was actually funny.’

Keller warmly smiled back, ‘I`ve missed that look.’ He went to reach for Tobias’s thigh, a caring gesture for him. As he tantalisingly brushed his upper thigh with the tips of his fingers he heard Beecher darkly utter,

‘Don’t,’ and batted his hand away.

‘Such a prick tease,’ Keller steamed

‘No need to sulk...just not here.’ Beecher scanned the Rec area, ‘someone might see.’

Keller furrowed his brow, ‘that’s different.’ He retreated his hand and settled for his knee resting tentatively, next to Beecher’s. He felt reassured as Beecher didn’t protest or shift his body away.

They sat in a tense silence as the news rolled into the weather and the start of a documentary. For the moment it felt normal and comfortable between the two of them. It was this moment Keller had fought so hard for and what Tobias had resisted for so long.

But now Beecher realised that this is exactly what he wanted; all this time he’d been wrestling his feelings but in that moment he’d achieved the impossible. He’d forgotten he was in prison, he’d forgotten about the world around him, instead it felt like he was at home, watching TV with someone he loved. He had finally realised that he can and had forgiven Keller for everything that had gone on. He’d come to realise shanking him was a big mistake and the thought of life without Keller was almost too much to bear.

But as he sat there revelling in his fantasy the voice of reason, usually taking the tone of Sister Pete, screamed how wrong this was and how Keller will only hurt him again. He’d been too afraid of what the future could look like for them after all Keller would pretty much spend the rest of his life in prison and he couldn’t face not seeing him every day, watching him sleep and the simple act of just being near him.

He looked over at Keller one last time, he smiled seeing him so relaxed, and he knew what he had to do next.

 _Fuck it_ , he thought. _I gotta tell him_. _I want more of this_.

He slunk down and resumed watching the screens.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Background history by Prisoner #95H522](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4689482) by [Tor_88](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tor_88/pseuds/Tor_88)




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